365 Days
by MadameCissy
Summary: Jane put her life back together as best as she could after the one person she loved the most walked out on her. A year has gone by when she suddenly finds herself looking into Maura's eyes again. How do you find your way back to something you thought was gone and how do you start over when it turns out you never really moved on?
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** Jane put her life back together as best as she could after the one person she loved the most walked out on her. A year has gone by when she suddenly finds herself looking into Maura's eyes again. How do you find your way back to something you thought was gone and how do you start over when it turns out you never really moved on?

**Pairing:** Rizzles - because we all ship it like there's no Tamaro.

**Rating:** T, mainly for language and some suggestive themes.

**Disclaimer:** I don't think I need to tell anyone that anything you recognise doesn't belong to me.

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**Chapter 1**

The early morning light filtered through the curtains and slowly, as the minutes began to pass, it filled up the room. The sound of her alarm had roused her from her sleep fifteen minutes earlier but Jane Rizzoli wasn't ready to get out of bed. It was Thursday morning and she was supposed to meet Frost in half an hour so that they could interview a possible suspect in the homicide they were investigating but Jane was still in bed, with the covers wrapped tightly around her, trying to zone out the rain rattling against her bedroom window. It was monotone and would easily lull her back to sleep, were it not for the sudden sharp ringing of her cell phone.

With a frustrated groan Jane felt around on her bedside table and found the offensive device partially hidden under yesterday's blazer. Without checking the caller id she brought it to her ear and answered. "Rizzoli." Her voice was still thick with sleep and Jane felt a sharp pang of disappointment that surprised her after even all this time when the voice on the other side of the line wasn't the one she had once been so used to hearing.

"You awake?" Frost asked.

"I am now."

"You're gonna be late, huh?"

She glanced at the alarm clock. There was no way she was going to be on time. "Looks that way." She knew she should say something else; something better than just acknowledging her partner's great perception of her inability to get out of bed this morning. Barry Frost was a great detective and he had known Jane long enough to understand the way she was wired and one of these days she would actually tell him thanks. "Cover for me?"

It wasn't the first time she'd asked. They both knew it wasn't going to be the last.

"I'll pick Korsak up along the way," Frost answered. He didn't ask questions. He didn't need to. He had Jane's back. That's what partners did. They covered your ass. "Drive safely."

Jane wasn't so sure she should be driving at all and when she ended the call she flung her cell phone across the room. It landed a few inches away from her laundry basket. It was piled high with slacks that needed ironing, socks that needed sorting and three Boston PD shirts she'd worn to the gym in the last week. She rolled onto her back and folded her hands behind her head as she stared up at the ceiling. The sound of the rain once again found its way into her ears and she couldn't stand it. She slipped out of bed, her feet making contact with the carpet, and padded across the room to the bathroom.

Jane took a shower and mentally chastised herself when her thoughts began to wander. She couldn't allow herself to keep doing this, not anymore. The hot water was flowing down her back and she had barely washed the shampoo out of her hair when she turned her head. She had once been so used to the sound of footsteps outside the bathroom door, knuckles rasping against the wood before a soft voice would call her name. She hadn't heard that voice for a while. A very long while. She hadn't heard Maura's voice for a year.

Jane abruptly turned off the shower, wrapped a towel around her body and walked back into her bedroom. It looked like a bombsite. Yesterday's clothes littered the floor and bedside table. One boot lay by the door, the other at the end of the bed. An empty beer lay on the floor, next to the half-eaten pizza she'd brought home with her after another long day at work.

She had one foot in the only clean pair of slacks she could find when her cell phone rang again. Jane hopped across the room, grabbed it from off the floor and groaned when she saw her mother's name flash across the screen. For just a second she contemplated not answering it at all but the thought of her phone ringing throughout the day until she had spoken to her mother wasn't something Jane enjoyed. She heaved a sigh. "Hi, Ma."

"Detective Frost said you're going to be late," came Angela's almost offensively awake and bright voice from the other side of the line.

"Detective Frost will soon be looking for another job if he doesn't learn to keep his nose out of my business."

She didn't mean it. She knew he had only called Angela because he was worried. She knew they all were. She didn't hold it against them but she wished they wouldn't all walk on egg shells around her. Sometimes she could see their faces change when she was snapped out of her thoughts and she knew they would have seen just a glimpse of the emotions she tried so very hard to hide.

"He cares about you, Jane."

"You're a councillor now?" Jane retorted as she attempted to pull a white tank top over her head whilst on the phone. "What's up, Ma?"

"I was just wondering if you'd heard anything," Angela said. "You know…"

"No." Her reply was hollow and her dark eyes scanned the mess that was her bedroom. It couldn't hurt for her mother's obsessive cleaning habits to do their magic in here. Jane stared down at the carpet underneath her feet, suddenly aware of the heavy feeling in her stomach. It had been lingering there for days but now it was really here and she couldn't deny that she felt like absolute hell. The tears in her eyes were unexpected and she hoped, prayed, that her mother didn't hear them. "I haven't heard anything, Ma."

"I'm sorry, baby," Angela answered. "Do you want me to come pick you up?"

"I've got a drivers licence, Ma. I think I can take myself to work."

"It was just a suggestion!"

"I know, Ma. I know." Jane sighed and ran her hand through her damp hair. "I won't have time for breakfast. Can you make me something and have it ready for when I get there?"

"Sure," Angela replied and Jane was convinced she could hear the smile that undoubtedly had appeared on her face. "What would you like?"

"Pancakes," Jane answered before adding, "but not the bunny ones."

"But you always liked the bunny pancakes!" Angela countered.

"Yeah, when I was six."

Angela ignored Jane's last sarcastic comment and hung up with the promise that the pancakes would be ready for her when she got to the precinct. Jane left her cell phone on the dresser and quickly grabbed the rest of her clothes. After that she left the bedroom and made her way into the kitchen. She finished off the bottle of orange juice in the fridge without spilling any of the liquid down her clothes and left the empty bottle on the side. She was about to walk to the door when her eye fell on the piece of paper folded out on the coffee table. It was right where she had left it the night before.

Jane circled the couch and sank down into the comfortable cushions before picking up the paper. It had been folded and unfolded so many times that it had started to wear out across the lines. She knew the handwriting almost as well as she knew her own and she knew every word, every sentence, inside out. She had read it more times than she could remember and every single time it was as if someone poured ice cold water into her heart. She'd be left freezing cold, from the inside out, and every single time she was left wondering what had happened and where things had gone so wrong. She took a deep breath and her fingers followed the lines along which the letter had been folded. She had lost count of the amount of times she had done this. It never changed anything about the way she felt. The words just flooded back into her mind, without even really looking at the paper.

_Dear Jane,_

_By the time you read this you will know that I am gone. I am so sorry, Jane, but I don't know what else to do. I knew you'd come looking for me eventually. You have a key. Not just to my house but also to my heart. And that is the reason that I must leave._

_I should be there with you right now, supporting you through all of this, but I can't. I tried, Jane. I tried and I can't do this any longer. I can no longer look at you and see how your eyes light up when you mention his name. I can no longer bear having to see the look on your face when he walks in or out of your life. Both the joy and the sadness break my heart. I wish you could look at me tnat way, the same way you look at him. I don't know what's going to happen today but I know your future will change whatever happens in that operation room and I know mine will too. _

_I love you, Jane Clementine Rizzoli. I don't know how it happened or even when, I only know that it did. I love you like I have never loved anyone else. It is the kind of love I see when my father looks at my mother after all these years and she still brings this smile to his face. It is a smile that isn't just on his lips, it reaches his eyes and all the way down into his heart. That is what you are to me. It is the kind of love I always hoped I'd find. We spent a lot of time together and maybe it was something that was just inevitable eventually, but who can say? Maybe it was a case of opposites attract. Or maybe, maybe it was just the fact that I fell in love with my best friend and my best friend can never love me back._

_You will not find me, Jane. I know you'll try. You'll be racing down to the station the second you finish reading this letter and do everything in your power to track me down. I know you, Jane. I know you better than anyone else but some day that will change. I can't wait for that day to come, Jane, because that will be the day my heart will truly break. I have to leave. What kind of friend would I be if I chose to stay at your side, watching you love someone else the way I wish you could love me? My heart would have broken before your eyes and I don't wanna be around to know, to see, that I am the one to have caused that hurt in your eyes._

_You've changed me. You've changed me more than you will ever know. I got to experience the beauty and warmth of friendship and wherever I go, I will take that with me. Wherever I am, there you will be also._

_Goodbye, Jane._

_All my love,  
Maura._

Jane put the letter back down and glanced at the picture frame in her bookcase. It was a picture of her and Maura, the only picture she had of the two of them, with their arms wrapped around each other. It had been taken at Frankie's birthday party about two months before Maura left and had just blown out the candles. Jane couldn't think of a time where she had seen Maura smile more than that night and as her eyes lingered on that smile she felt the sudden sense of loss close in on her.

She stood up and grabbed her keys, gun and badge from the shelf near the door. She left some food for Jo Friday and stepped out of her apartment. Closing the door behind her she sighed and turned the key. Her legs felt like lead as she walked. When she stepped out of her building she realised it hasn't stopped raining and looked up to the skies, silently cursing them. The feeling of the cold rain on her face brought on the burning sensation of the tears behind her eyes.

It had been a year since Maura left. One morning she had just not showed up for work and after about an hour or trying to call her, Jane had gone to her house. She'd gotten worried when she noticed Maura's blue Prius was still parked in the drive but it wasn't until she reached the front door that she knew something was wrong. It was locked. She used the spare key Maura had given her and stepped into the kitchen. It had been tidy, as always. The envelope with the letter had been right there, propped up against the fruit bowl. When she read it her world fell apart.

It had been the day before Casey's scheduled surgery to remove the piece of metal from his spine. He was the other person Maura was referring to in the letter. She knew the dangers and the risks, even if Jane chose to ignore them. She ignored them like she always tried to ignore things in her life that could cause her pain. It wasn't until the operation didn't go the way anyone had expected and Jane couldn't deny it any longer that she allowed herself to admit that she was scared. During the surgery the piece of shrapnel dislodged and cut into the aorta. He bled out on the table. There was nothing the doctors could have done. He was gone. And Maura was too.

Jane forced the memories back into the darker corners of her mind. By now she was already drenched and she hurried across the sidewalk to her car. She got in, started the engine and switched on the heater before driving off, leaving her apartment building behind her. She swirled her way through Boston's busy morning traffic, swearing under her breath at most of the other road users around her, and turned up the radio when they announced the sports results from the previous night.

By the time she parked her car at Boston PD she was not just late, she was really late. Jane walked in to the building and straight into the cafeteria. Her mother's eyes snapped up when she discovered Jane by the coffee pot and she left the til and joined her.

Angela gave her daughter a once over. "You look like hell."

"And I love you too," Jane answered as she added cream to her coffee. "Where are my pancakes?"

"You haven't got time for pancakes, Rizzoli," announced a male voice and Jane turned around to find Cavanaugh standing in the café doorway. His eyes softened when he noticed how wet she was. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Flat tyre," Jane lied and she could hear her mother hiss in disapproval. She forced herself to make eye contact and her face remained straight. "Sorry, sir."

Cavanaugh didn't answer. He just turned around and left. Jane met her mother's gaze shook her head. "What? Did you want me to tell him I overslept? He'll put me on desk duty for a week!"

"Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea," Angela said critically. "You look like you've slept under an overpass, Jane."

"What's with all the compliments this morning?" Jane sarcastically answered and she sipped from her coffee. It tasted revolting and she spat it back into her cup before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Wide eyed she stared at Angela. "What the hell happened to this?!"

"New flavour," Angela shrugged. "I thought it was time for a change."

Jane rolled her eyes as she abandoned the cup of coffee on the side. "And the new flavour is sewage water?"

"I know what day it is, Jane." Angela's words came out so much softer than anything else she had said that morning and the gentleness in her mother's voice made that Jane's shoulders dropped. "I know it's been a year." She attempted to catch her daughters gaze but Jane averted her eyes. "It's been a year today."

"I know," Jane whispered. "I know."

"Maybe there's a chance…"

"There is no chance, Ma!" Jane suddenly snapped and her dark eyes were blazing with anger that reached the surface. "Like you said, it's been a year. What's going to change now? Life goes on. It's what people do!"

Angela seemed taken aback by her daughter's sudden outburst and quickly grabbed the cup of coffee from the side and was about to turn around when Jane reached for her mother's arm to stop her. When their eyes found each other Angela was reminded of how much Jane really looked like her, whether the dark haired woman liked it or not. They were so alike. She smiled weakly when Jane stepped closer to her. It was as close to a hug as they were going to get.

"I'm sorry," Jane said softly.

"It's ok, baby. I understand."

"It's just that…" Jane's eyes subconsciously fleeted to the door of the café. So many times she still expected to see Maura standing there. She hadn't gotten used to her not being here. She wasn't sure she ever would. "Sometimes I still think…"

When Casey's surgery failed and the doctors told her that he hadn't made it, it felt as if the world around her just crumbled. Like someone had taken a match and set everything on fire, leaving her with only the ashes running through her fingers. But it wasn't until she went home to the emptiness of her apartment that she realised that it wasn't just Casey who was gone. She realisation that Maura wasn't there at her side, holding her hand, whispering words of wisdom and kindness in her ear, left her even more broken than the loss of the man she thought she loved.

She had looked for Maura in desperation but she had failed to find any trace of her. It was as if Maura Isles had just disappeared. The world is a big place and Jane didn't know where to start. Casey's funeral came and went. She just remembered that she couldn't cry. The service had been beautiful and with full military honours. It was the first time she laid eyes on his ex-wife and when she saw the grief in her eyes she realised that the other woman's pain over his death was far greater than her own. When she stood next to his grave she wasn't sure who she mourned.

Angela's hand found Jane's. "You loved her, didn't you?"

Jane's head whipped back around. She had never spoken those words out loud and she didn't know how her mother even knew. She hadn't even known herself until it was too late. Just like everything else in her life she had been too late once again. She hated herself for her stupidity. She had been so focused on Casey, so focused on the life she never knew she even wanted to have, that she overlooked something that had been right in front of her for all this time. Now it was gone.

"I…" Her voice faltered. She wasn't sure if she had been about to deny or admit it. She didn't even know the answer. She just knew that the things she had known, that had seemed most familiar to her, were no longer that. Everything had changed and Maura was gone. "Ma, I…"

"Don't say anything," Angela answered softly. "It's been a difficult year, Jane." Her thumb stroked the back of Jane's hand. "Maybe there will be a day when…"

"No." She said it so dismissively that she even surprised herself. She pulled her hand back and gestured to the empty doorway. The pain in Jane's eyes and in her voice made Angela realise for the very first time just how much Jane was really hurting behind her mask.

"Maura's gone, Ma, and she isn't coming back."


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note:** WOW! Thanks for all the reviews, favourites and follows so far, guys! I woke up to a very full inbox. It made my Friday even better. I had already finished chapter 2 by the time I uploaded chapter one but I went back and edited a large part of it before finally feeling it was good enough. I don't know where this story came from but the idea popped into my head whilst at work – always a great time to get an idea- and I had to go and write it. I hope I can keep the updates regular but I have two other stories on the go as well. Luckily I have eight days off work so I am trying to get as much done as I can. Thanks again and keep your comments and reviews coming!

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**Chapter 2**

By lunchtime Jane had spent most of her time in an interrogation room. Their suspect was hostile at best and although they had grilled him for nearly four hours, he had barely spoken a word. Jane would have liked to smack the smug grin of his face but she knew it would only land her in trouble with Cavanaugh. Frost had picked up on her anger the minute he walked in and had instinctively slipped into role of the quieter, submissive cop during the interrogation. An angry Jane Rizzoli was something most people found frightening and when Frost had to grab Jane's arm to stop her from launching across the table, he was reminded exactly why that was.

"I wish I could take a blunt steak knife and cut his balls off," Jane hissed as she slammed the interrogation door behind her. She was hot and sweaty. It had been hot and stuffy in the room and all she wanted was to take a shower to wash the stench of the poor excuse of a human being inside away from her.

"You think he did it?" Frost asked as they made their way back to the Homicide squad room.

"Without a doubt," Jane answered. "A smug face like that when we show him the crime scene pictures? He didn't even flinch! He's playing with us. He knows we haven't enough to proof that he killed her and he likes to see us squirm." She swallowed hard. Her hair stuck to the back of her neck. "I'd like to break his…" She swallowed her words when she noticed Cavanaugh walking towards her. He gave them a friendly nod before disappearing down the hall and Jane glanced back at Frost. "I think he's got it in for me."

"Why would he have it in for you?" Frost asked as he held the door to the squad room open for her. Jane filed past him. "You haven't done anything to piss him off, right?"

"Not in the last week, no."

Jane fell into her chair and looked at her desk. Four more files of paperwork had been added to the already large pile. She had tried to forget about it by pretending it wasn't there but she couldn't avoid it any longer. She was due in court soon and she would have to make sure everything was up to date or otherwise Cavanaugh would surely confine her to her desk for a week. She looked up to find Korsak looking at her. Her eyes narrowed. She knew that look.

"OK, stop staring at me and just tell me whatever it is that you need to tell me," Jane said and crossed her arms in front of her chest. When Korsak didn't immediately answer, Jane stood up, walked around her desk and then around his. Her dark eyes pierced into his blue and she cocked her head. "What's going on?"

"I had a phone call about an hour ago," Korsak answered reluctantly.

Jane arched an eyebrow. "A phone call? From who?"

Korsak looked down at his desk as if avoiding making eye contact. For just a split second she allowed a flutter of hope to well up in her hear but then she mentally corrected herself and it died almost as quickly has it had started. She no longer held any hope. She found it was easier to get through the days that way. She leant against the older detective's desk, questions written across her face. Still, he didn't look at her.

"Korsak, what the hell?"

"The phone call was from Stephanie Jones."

Jane shrugged. She had never heard the name before. "Who's she? A witness in one of our cases?"

"No," Korsak answered and he finally looked up to meet Jane's eyes. "She's Casey's ex-wife. Jane. She wants to meet you."

"Oh."

Her stomach dropped and the sudden wave of nausea overwhelmed her. She felt the blood drain from her face and the hairs in the back of her neck rose up. Casey had mentioned he was divorced when they met again after all those years. She had seen his ex-wife at the funeral but she had never asked her name and now she was looking for her.

"Did she say what she why?" she queried.

"Just that she wants to talk," Korsak said. "She left her number." He took the post-it note that was stuck to his computer screen and gave it to Jane. "I said you'd call her back as soon as you were available."

She looked at the phone number in her hand and became acutely aware of the heavy pounding of her heart in her chest. The back of her throat had become dry and she tried to swallow. Her emotions had welled up inside of her. The painful realisation that a year ago she would have run straight to the morgue to talk to Maura hit her when she turned around and froze in her step, realising that there was nowhere to go. Still clutching the number she walked back to her desk and sat back down. As she hung her head in contemplation and confusion she didn't see the worried look Korsak and Frost shared.

With a heavy heart she picked up the phone on her desk and dialled the number on the paper. When she pressed the last button she held her breath as the dial tone filled her ears. The phone rang once, then again and even a third time before someone answered. A woman's voice said hello.

"Errr, hi, is this Stephanie Jones?" Jane asked. It hit her only now that Casey's ex-wife still had his last name.

"Jane? Jane Rizzoli?" the other woman asked and Jane detected the relief in her voice. "I didn't think you'd call me back."

"_That makes two of us_," Jane thought to herself and wound a strand of hair around her finger. She took a deep breath. She was on guard and her eyes darted around the squad room as she spoke. "I got a message saying that you'd like to meet me."

"I know this is all rather sudden and strange," Stephanie said. Jane could hear voices in the background and phones were ringing. "There is something I'd like to talk to you about. You knew my ex-husband quite well, didn't you?"

"Yes, yes I did," Jane answered and scratched the back of her head. "Are you in Boston?"

"I will be for another week or so," Stephanie answered. "Then I'll go back to Chicago." There was a heavy pause, as if she wasn't sure how to carry on the next part of their conversation. "I'm not sure what would be the best thing to do but maybe we could talk over a drink?"

"Where?" Jane asked. She sounded apprehensive.

"How about The Green Dragon in Jamaica Plains?" Stephanie suggested.

"Sure," Jane said as she scribbled the name of the pub on a piece of paper. "I can meet you there at six."

"Thank you," Stephanie answered. "I'm looking forward to meeting you."

"Me too," Jane said through gritted teeth and hung up. She dropped her head on her desk and covered it with her hands. She didn't look up until she felt a warm, protective hand on her shoulder and found Korsak standing behind her. Their gazes locked and he smiled.

"Go home, Jane."

She pointed at the paperwork. "Not unless you shoot me first."

"Don't make me pull this trigger," the older detective smiled and Jane couldn't suppress a chuckle of her own. "Leave it till tomorrow. It can wait." When she was about to object he shook his head. "I outrank you, Jane. Don't make me turn this into an order. Go home."

She glanced past him at Frost and he smiled. She smiled too. It was only now that they gave her the choice that she realised how tired she was. Her body ached at every imaginable place and she felt like she had been hit by a bus. She suppressed a groan of discomfort as she stood up and patted Korsak on his arm. She knew she didn't have to say anything. It was the type of person she was and they had been working alongside each other long enough to know that sometimes silence really did speak louder than words.

She left the squad room, made her way down in the elevator to the lobby and saw that her mother was too busy to see her leave. Jane left the building, walked to the parking lot and climbed into her car. When she switched on the radio she froze from the inside out. The song she had heard on the radio the night she found Maura's letter, played again. She had heard it a handful of times since and every time the lyrics struck her because they echoed the way she felt, the way her life had changed.

"_Baby now don't look back, don't let those feelings start. Don't let the line go slack, when you're pulling it all apart. How to describe the sky, or dismantle a beating heart. Baby we're holding on, here we are holding on. Baby we're holding on, to the world."_

Jane turned the radio off and swallowed the tears away. She started the engine and drove home. She parked her car right in front of the building. Once inside her apartment she had a much needed shower and washed the lingering thought of her suspect away. She couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that had followed her home and as she fell down on the couch, remote control in hand, her eyes were drawn back to the picture of her and Maura.

She had never thought she could make it through a week without her, much less a year. But here she was, twelve months later, sitting in her quiet apartment as if nothing had changed. She still got up for work every morning and carried on living. The first two weeks had been hardest. Everyone knew Casey had died and that Maura had left. People treated her as if she was made out of porcelain, about to break in their hands. It didn't stop until she busted a fugitive murderer on her own. Since then people's attitudes had changed but the one thing everyone was still weary of was mentioning Maura in front of her. Jane couldn't remember the last time when someone had spoken Maura's name.

Jane tore her eyes away from the picture and focused on the TV instead. She didn't really watch the programme she'd chosen and just used it as background noise as she lay on her couch with her eyes closed. Jo Friday curled up at feet, her little head resting on Jane's knee. Every so often she licked her hand and Jane scratched the mutt behind her ears. She didn't really sleep. She merely attempted to relax but she couldn't force the thought that Casey's ex-wife wanted to meet her out of her head.

Today officially sucked. The morning had started bad and it hadn't gotten any better as the day went on. Every so often her thoughts about Stephanie Jones were marred by the sudden image of Maura's face and every time it took just a little longer and just a little bit more effort to force it back again. She kicked against one of the cushions, alarming Jo Friday. The cushion flew across the room and Jo ran after it, excited by the prospect of playing but Jane wasn't in the mood. She rolled onto her side but couldn't get comfortable. She flopped onto her side but her limbs were unable to relax.

By four o'clock she was so fed up that she got changed into a pair of jeans and a long sleeved white shirt and brushed her hair. She found a pair of boots under her bed and quickly grabbed her purse before leaving the apartment. She knew she was going to be early but she couldn't stand siting inside any longer. She welcomed the sound of her radio in her car and pressed the button just as long until she came across a radio station that played a country tune. She didn't have a particular style of music she did like; choosing the usually critique the music played on air instead, but country was something she did enjoy from time to time.

She drove around town for a while, closing in on Jamaica Plains. She knew the area relatively well but continued to circle round for another hour before finding somewhere to park. She resisted the urge to just turn around and leave but a part of her was curious. Her heart hammered in her throat by the time she walked into the pub where she was meeting Stephanie. The place was almost empty. The radio played Irish music but the pub wasn't as dim and dark as some others she had visited. It looked like it had recently been refurnished with new wooden tables, polished floorboards and leather booths. She glanced around and opted to sit at the bar so she could keep an eye on the door. As she climbed onto an empty barstool the bartender approached.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked with a strong Irish accent. He was by no means a native to Boston.

"Just some water, please," Jane replied.

The minutes seemed to pass agonisingly slow and she had almost finished her drink by the time the door of the pub opened again. She'd been fumbling with her phone, checking her messages, but the sound of the door opening drew her attention and Jane recognised Stephanie Jones almost immediately. She hadn't changed since the day she saw her at the funeral. Fine blonde hair framed a heart shaped face. Stephanie had high cheekbones and full, plump limbs and she looked like the type of girl all the boys would have fallen for in High School. She was dressed in a fetching knee length skirt and matching jacket with a white blouse.

"Jane?" she asked when she discovered the raven haired detective at the bar. She smiled and Jane was surprised to see that it was genuine. It even lit up Stephanie's eyes. She shook the extended hand.

"Hi." Her own smile was a little less genuine. She glanced back at the bartender. "Can I get you anything?"

"Gin and tonic, please."

The bartender poured Stephanie her drink and she accepted it with a smile before looking at Jane. "Shall we go sit over there?" She pointed at one of the booths near the window and Jane simply nodded. She left her empty glass on the bar and regretted it the second she sat down. She had nothing to occupy her hands with and nervously began picking at her fingernails underneath the table.

"I'm glad you wanted to meet with me," Stephanie said and looked up. "I know we've never really spoken to each other."

"I meant to," Jane began. "At the funeral…." She hesitated. "I didn't know what to say."

"I understand," Stephanie acknowledged. "I kinda felt the same way."

Jane's detective instincts took over. A woman she had never met or spoken to had asked to meet her tonight. She was Casey's ex-wife. She placed her hands flat on the table and allowed herself a few more seconds to build up her guard before looking up. "What is it you wanted to see me about?"

"It's about Casey…"

She had guessed as much. Obviously it had to be about Casey. But what was there to say about someone who had been dead for a year and why now?

Stephanie picked up her glass and sipped from it. It was as if the hint of alcohol gave her the little bit of courage that she needed. "You know that Casey and I were married once?"

Jane nodded. "He mentioned it."

"We stayed in touch, even after the divorce. We separated as friends when we realised that our lives had taken two different turns. He wasn't the man I married but he was still the friend I had known for all those years," Stephanie said and a smile graced her lips. Jane could see the memory flickering in her eye. "We talked a lot, Casey and me, even while he was in Afghanistan."

Jane let those words sink in. She had always thought Casey had only ever talked to her while he was away. He had only mentioned Stephanie a handful of times and he never once said that they were still friends. A sharp pang of resentment welled up in her chest but she fought to control it. She didn't know what to say and Stephanie took her silence for anger.

"He spoke about you quite a lot, Jane," Stephanie said.

Jane arched an eyebrow and suddenly the resentment was gone. "He did?"

She felt guilty all of a sudden. She had tried to be for Casey what he had wanted her to be. When she had realised that the life she had imagined with him was never going to be the life she had once imagined, she had still been willing to try. It wasn't until all of it was gone, until he was gone, that she realised she hadn't just lied to herself for all this time; she had lied to him too. Sometimes, even now, she wondered if he had known, if his injury had only been one of the reasons he had pushed her away so many times. She couldn't allow herself to think like that. It was a question that was never going to be answered.

"He talked about me?"

"He did." Stephanie looked down at her drink. "While we were still married we talked about having children. Casey was very much aware of the fact that he could get injured or be killed in action. It was something we both understood was the risk of his job." She didn't make eye contact and Jane noticed how she suddenly clutched her glass a little tighter.

It was as if someone just slapped her in the face. She and Casey had never talked about having children and after the injury he told her he could never give her any. Somewhere deep down she hurt because he had spoken to Stephanie the same time he had spoken to her. "Did you ever try?"

"We agreed that we would wait till he was finished doing his tours but then the plans changed," Stephanie answered. She searched Jane's face for a hint of judgment or anger but when she failed to find any she continued. "It was when we decided to go a clinic. We used some of his sperm and some of my eggs and had the embryos fertilised. We had them frozen for when the time came when we were ready… or in case he ever died in battle."

Jane swallowed hard. "I see."

"He really cared about you, Jane. Whenever I spoke to him he couldn't stop talking about you," Stephanie said. She averted her eyes as if she was unable to look at Jane, confronted by realisation that the man she had once loved had learnt to love someone else. "If things hadn't ended the way they did, I know he would have told you about it eventually."

"I know."

She wasn't so sure if she did know. She had thought she knew Casey well but all this time he had been talking to Stephanie about her and about his injuries. She felt hurt and betrayed that he had not been the only one he had shared this with. He had pushed her away first, claiming that it was because he cared about her too much to let her see him suffer, but had it really just been so he could work out who it was he really wanted? Had he still loved his ex-wife, just like she learned that she never loved him the way she had thought she did?

"Did he talk to you about it?" Jane wanted to know and the blonde woman looked up. "About the surgery and the risks involved. Did he talk to you about it?"

Stephanie nodded. "A few times, yes. He wanted my opinion. My dad's a surgeon and I think he just wanted to know what my thoughts were." Blue eyes briefly met Jane's brown. "I met him a few times in the weeks before the surgery. He seemed positive."

Jane rubbed her hands together. She felt the rough skin of the scars on the inside of her palms and subconsciously clenched and flexed her fingers. Sometimes they still hurt. Those scars had made her part of who she was but they were the eternal scars. The rest of the world couldn't see the scars on the inside, plastered across her heart and her soul. She was angry and hurt. Casey had spent more time talking to Stephanie than he had done to her and she resented him for it.

"I've had a year to think about what I want to do and the clinic called last week, asking if I had made a decision," Stephanie brought the subject back to the previous subject. "That's when I knew I had to talk to you, Jane."

"They wanted to know what you're going to do with the frozen embryos," Jane said softly.

Stephanie nodded. "I'm not getting any younger and even if I do find someone eventually, my chances of having children of my own will have gone. But Casey cared about you and that means he valued your opinion. It seemed only fair that I talked to you before I did anything."

"You should use them." Her answer surprised even herself and Jane needed a second to let it sink in. She had actually spoken those words out loud.

"Really?"

"Yes," Jane confirmed and looked at her hands. This wasn't about her anymore. Stephanie had gone through the agony of coming here, hoping Jane wouldn't judge her for the desire she wanted a child and that she wanted to use the embryos she and her ex-husband had frozen years ago. "You should. Casey loved children. He once said he would have loved to have had them. You'd be honouring his wish."

"Jane...," Stephanie began but Jane cut her off.

"What happened between me and Casey was complicated. Life around us was difficult and when he got hurt it changed everything," Jane explained. "He pushed me out." She swallowed, hoping the resentment didn't echo in her voice too much. "You see, there was someone else in my life at that time. Someone who was there for me when he was gone. Casey and I were good friends, and we wanted to be more than that, but if he had survived the surgery, I'm not sure we would have still been the same people we were before."

"I understand," Stephanie answered and finished off her drink. Jane realised that she had to have been really anxious about meeting her tonight. "Thank you, Jane."

"No need to thank me," Jane answered. Just at that moment her cell phone rang and fished it out of her pocket. It was a number she didn't recognise and she pressed the ignore button before looking back at Stephanie apologetically. "Sorry, that was my mother. I forgot I was supposed to drive her home from work tonight." She wasn't exactly sure why she just lied but she wanted to get away from this place. She wanted to leave.

"Of course," Stephanie answered and smiled. She shook Jane's hand and stood up as the dark haired detective started for the door. She called her back. "Jane?"

She turned around in the open door.

There was a hint of hope in Stephanie's voice. "Is that other person in your life still there?"

"No," Jane answered as she chocked back the tears. "She left."

Without looking at Stephanie, Jane stepped out of the pub and out into cool evening air. The wind pulled at her hair and she quickly walked around the corner and got into her car. Her head was full of thoughts and images she couldn't process and she just wanted to get away from here. She drove home at high speed and with the radio blasting at full volume. She found a parking spot right in front of her building and climbed the steps to the front door before taking the stairs to her apartment. It wasn't until she stuck the key in the door, turned the lock and stepped inside that she was hit by the realisation she had come home to an a quiet house.

It was empty, like her life.

* * *

**Lyrics in this chapter:** David Gray - Holding On.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Angela Rizzoli knew her daughter well enough to be able to spot a sleepless night from half a mile away. Jane walked into the BPD building the next morning with dark rings around her eyes and a strong craving for coffee. She did her best to avoid her mother's worried stare as she poured herself a cup, hoping it wouldn't taste as disgusting as the one she had tried the day before, and kept her back turned towards her.

From where she stood Angela could see the drop in Jane's shoulders and the worry that had filled her heart over the past year only grew stronger. It had been a while since she had seen Jane looking this bad. In the first few weeks after Casey's death and Maura's leaving, Jane spent endless nights awake, wondering where things had gone wrong. After that she had spent weeks in bed, living on pizza and diet coke until Angela intervened and forced her out of the house to come stay with her in her new apartment. It had been the wakeup call Jane needed. She couldn't live with her mother and within a few days she had returned to her normal self but Angela knew that Jane had really just learnt to hide her pain behind a mask. A mask that had faltered and now her emotions lay bare, for the whole wide world to see.

She had thought it was Casey at first. The loss of the man she had believed Jane loved had rocked her world and turned it upside down but it wasn't until Jane returned to work that she began to notice it wasn't just about the loss of Casey. She missed Maura. She missed Maura in a way that broke her down slowly, piece by piece, until there was nothing else left other than a crying mess in the ladies' room. It was at that moment when she saw those tears that Angela realised it hadn't been Casey Jane loved.

Jane slowly turned around when she felt her mother's piercing eyes into her back and tried to smile. When Angela didn't smile back she knew that it was useless. She had already seen through her façade. Reluctantly Jane walked to the counter and climbed onto one of the stools. She often sat here doing paperwork, preferring her mother's constant chattering over the endless bickering in the squad room upstairs. Besides, down here she could keep an eye on the door, even though she told herself she wasn't really watching.

"Hi." It came out flat.

"You want me to fix you something to eat?" Angela asked as she took in her daughter's pale and tired expression. It was what she did, what she had always done. Whenever one of her children felt depressed or sad she'd make them something to eat. She tried to catch Jane's eye but her daughter looked away. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

The answer was as dull and flat as her initial greeting and Angela looked on as Jane sipped from her coffee. The dark rings around her eyes were unmistakable. She hadn't seen them for a long time. Years ago, after Hoyt had attacked her for the first time, Jane hadn't slept for weeks. But then Maura came into her life and everything changed. It was only now that she looked back at Angela realised that it had been Maura who had brought a smile to Jane's face whenever her world had been turned upside down. She had never thought Maura could be the one to take that same smile away.

It had been a year. A year since Jane came walking into this very café, clutching Maura's letter. She'd never forget the look in those coffee coloured eyes; Jane had looked completely helpless. Angela had never seen her so fragile and so broken. It wasn't until Jane gave her the letter that she understood what had happened. She had just wrapped her arms around her daughter and held her as she cried. Jane never cried. She didn't even cry over Casey but she cried when she found out Maura had walked out of her life.

"You need to eat something," Angela pushed. "How about macaroni cheese?"

"For breakfast, Ma? Really?"

"Pancakes?" Angela tried. "I promise not to make bunny ones."

Jane peered at her mother through her eyelashes. "What if I want the bunny ones?"

Angela studied her daughter's face. She set her jaw, placed her hands on her hips and gave her a piercing a stare. It was the same stare that Jane had perfected herself over the years and although she was an adult now, it still made her crumble. "What happened, Jane?"

Jane rolled her eyes and put down her coffee. "I met with Casey's ex-wife last night."

Angela cocked her head. "Oh?"

"She called that she wanted to meet me and I went to see her," Jane explained. "I didn't know what she wanted to talk to me about but she said that she and Casey had been in touch throughout the time me and him were sort of trying to work out our relationship."

Angela's face fell. "You mean they were…"

"No, Ma, they weren't seeing each other," Jane quickly interjected. "I mean, not like _that_ anyway." She had gone over that thought in her head more times than she cared to remember throughout the night. The meeting with Stephanie and coming home to a cold, empty apartment had shaken her up more than she'd realised. She'd struggled to sleep and by the time the alarm clock went she wasn't sure whether her eyes had ever closed at all. "He was talking to her, about me. About our relationship. He didn't push her away like he pushed me away." The bitterness in her voice returned. "He was quite happy to talk to her about it all."

"Oh baby, I'm sorry," Angela said softly and leant across the counter. When her hand covered Jane's she was surprised to feel her daughter jerk away. Over the past year Jane had accepted a lot of her mother's hugs and comfort but now she seemed to withdraw. "What else did she say?"

"She said that she and Casey had some embryos frozen when they were still married. She said that if he'd still been here he would have told me about it," Jane continued. "I'm not so sure he would have, Ma. I mean, why didn't he just mention it? He could have said something when he told me that he could never give me children?"

"What I don't get is why she told you about it," Angela commented. "Isn't that something between her and Casey?" She realised too late what she had said and quickly added, "I mean, isn't it up to her to do with them what she wants now?"

"She wanted to know that I was okay with it," Jane answered softly and reached for her coffee cup again. "She said how often he talked about me and that he cared about me and stuff, so she wanted to know that I was okay with her trying to have his baby."

"And are you?"

Jane looked up. Suddenly her eyes were blazing. "Yes, I'm fine with it. Whatever that thing with me and Casey was, it was clearly not meant to be, in more ways than one. Even if the surgery had worked, it doesn't mean that me and him would have spent the rest of our lives together." Her voice faded as those words fell from her lips and she looked away, towards the door.

By now Angela knew that this was Jane's tell. It was the way she silently acknowledged the memory of Maura in her head. She followed her daughter's eyes and when Jane looked away from the empty door, Angela saw the sadness. She heaved a sigh and was about to speak when Frost walked into the café. His eyes fixed on Jane immediately and he seemed momentarily taken aback by her tired appearance but approached anyway.

"Jane, we got a break!"

"What?" Jane's head snapped around and she stared at her partner. "What happened?"

"A witness came forward," Frost explained. "She said she recognised our guy from the picture that was shown around the neighbourhood the other day. She wasn't sure she wanted to talk to the police but in the end she did."

"What made her so uncertain?" Jane asked as she slipped off the stool. She waved goodbye to her mother and she and Frost walked to the elevator. "Why didn't she say something sooner? We've been working this case for weeks!"

It was no word of a lie. The naked body of a woman had been discovered in the woods around one of Boston's golf courses. When Frost put the MO into the computer it was flagged as being the handiwork of a serial killer that had never been caught. Korsak remembered the case from seven or eight years ago, where several bodies had been found near the docks in a similar fashion at this one. They had dubbed him The Masochist because he seemed to get off on torturing his victims for a prolonged period of times. All the bodies showed signs of cuts, bruises, cigarette burns and several attempts at strangling which they assumed was used to frighten them, make them pass out only for them to come round again and the whole ordeal to start over. The Masochist had been roaming the streets for eight years, leaving bodies all over the state of Massachusetts, but nobody ever found out who he was.

"In October last year she was on her way home from work when she noticed someone was following her. She tried to hail a cab but none stopped so she started walking to the nearest bus stop but before she reached it this guy attacked her. He used a knife to cut her across her face and tried to pull her into an ally but she managed to fight him off," Frost said. "She only caught a glimpse of his face but when she was shown the picture she said she recognised him straight away."

"You mean the picture of the guy we have in custody?" Jane asked.

"The suspect we _had_ in custody."

"Had?" Jane repeated. "What the hell happened?"

"His lawyer showed up first thing this morning with the appropriate paperwork. He said we didn't have enough to hold him and we had to let him go," Frost said. "Most of our evidence was circumstantial at that point and we don't even have DNA results back yet. But boy, he's got one hell of an attorney. Guy was wearing a three hundred dollar suit."

Jane shook her head in disbelief. "Mark Forster is a scumbag who lives in a one roomed shithole in Roxbury. He should have a court appointed attorney. How the hell did he manage to get some fancy lawyer down here so fast and who is paying for it?"

"Korsak did some digging and found out that Mark Forster is the grandson of Jackson Forster, the real estate developer."

Jane blinked. "The guy who owns half of the North End?" She chewed her lip. "Well that certainly explains a lot. But why does the grandson of one of the richest men in Boston live in a dump in Roxbury but granddad is perfectly happy to pay for his lawyer?"

"We could go and ask him," Frost suggested.

"We will," Jane said as they stepped into the elevator and she dug her cell phone out of her pocket. It had been on vibrate but for some reason she had two missed calls. They belonged to the number that had called her the night before but she ignored it. She looked at Frost, who was already on his phone too. "First I want to talk to this witness and put a patrol car on Forster. I want to know every move he makes and if he as much as looks at a woman the wrong way I want his ass thrown back in jail."

The next hour Jane and Frost spent in an interrogation room sitting across the table from a woman with short cropped black hair and light brown eyes. She wore a pair of washed out jeans, a grey sweatshirt and her fingers drummed nervously against the metal surface of the table. Jane could see the fear in her eyes as she described the night she was attacked. The scar on her cheek was the proof of what had happened to her and Jane felt a shiver travel down her spine when Susan Keen described the second the blade had cut through her skin.

"He said I had to be quit and if made a noise, he'd kill me," Susan recited. "I managed to fight him off and just ran. The bus came and the driver let me on. He asked what had happened and I told him I just wanted to go home. He let me ride for free." She looked at Jane. "When the police officer came with the picture I knew he had hurt someone else."

"We think he may have," Jane said softly. She took the photo of Mark Forster out of the folder and slid it across the table towards Susan Keen. "Are you sure this is the man who attacked you that night?"

"Y-Yes," she answered with a trembling voice. "It's him."

"Thank you," Jane replied and put the photo back into the file. "Thank you for coming to talk to us, Miss Keen. I understand this must have been difficult for you but I hope you know you have helped us a great deal. One of our officers will drive you home." She slid her hand into her pocket and took out one of her cards. "If you remember anything else, give me a call, okay?"

They saw to it that Susan Keen was driven home by Frankie, who happened to be walking past the interrogation room as they came out. Jane and Frost made their way back to the homicide department where they found Korsak typing on his computer. Judging from the frown on his face he had found something.

"What is it?" Jane asked.

"I did some more digging on Forster and his rich family," Korsak answered and turned his screen around. On it were two different newspaper articles. One detailed a longstanding family feud between Jackson Forster and his son David. "Father and son didn't exactly get on. They accused each other of stealing money and corruption but none of the charges were ever proven. According to the article, Jackson had David removed from his will and cut off the trust fund he'd had since he was a kid. As such, he also cut off the money to his grandson Mark."

Jane pulled a face. "Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

"Did you just quote a book?" Frost asked, his eyes fixing on Jane.

"It's from Tolstoy's Anna Karenina. You should read more, Frost," Jane answered without looking at him. She knew the quote because Maura had once mentioned it in front of her but she couldn't bring herself to say that out loud. She ignored the sudden feeling of loss in her chest and glanced back at Korsak's screen.

"Well, will you look at that," Korsak said as she pointed at the second article on his screen. "David Forster and his wife Sheila were killed in a car accident near Springfield five years ago. Medical examiner stated that he had a blood alcohol level of .11 and most likely lost control over the car." He scrolled down and found a picture of the vehicle, or what was left of it. "The car crashed against a tree, killing both the driver and the passenger instantly."

"How convenient," Jane mused.

"Even more so when you consider the fact that David Forster didn't drink, or at least not anymore," Frost piped up from his computer. "I just found an article he wrote on one of the websites associated with his company. He's quite honest about his fight with the bottle over the years. He describes how he went through the twelve-step programme and hasn't had a drink since 1998."

Jane turned to look at her partner and folded her arms across her chest. "So how does a guy who doesn't drink end up dead with a blood alcohol level of .11?"

"Maybe he fell off the wagon," Korsak suggested. "He wouldn't be the first."

"Or maybe he had some help," Jane slowly said. "Someone else could have given him the alcohol."

"And he wouldn't have noticed?" Frost asked. "Surely you'd at least taste or smell the difference?"

"What was the outcome on the wife?" Jane looked back at Korsak and watched as the older detective searched through the article. "Had she been drinking too?"

"Her levels were slightly lower than those found in her husband but she must have been knocking them back pretty good," Korsak answered. "Toxicology report says that the blood alcohol level was .09."

"So they're both drunk so she most likely would have been in no state to tell her husband not to drive," Jane said. "Something about this situation doesn't feel right." She looked back at Frost. "I think it's time we have a word with Jackson Forster and find out what happened to his son and why he's suddenly paying for his grandson's lawyer."

The phone on Korsak's desk rang and he answered. When he hung back up he looked at Jane. "Patrol car just arrived at Mark Forster's place in Roxbury. He's inside, alone. They said they'll stay outside his house all day and all night. No need to hide. We want him to know we're watching him."

"If he did kill all these women, he's been doing this for some time," Frost said. "He must have started when he was young."

"A lot of serial killers develop fantasies and obsessions while they're young," Jane pointed out. "Some of them torture or kill small animals; others become fascinated by death at a very young age. Mark Forster strikes me as a complete sociopath. He has no empathy. He cannot feel. It makes him the perfect serial killer because it means he's got no remorse." Her eyes found Frost. "He'll never feel guilty."

"You think Jackson Forster knows his grandson has done something he shouldn't have?" Frost asked as he picked up his car keys from his desk.

Jane shrugged. "I don't know. Let's go and find out, shall we?"

They left the squad room and walked to the elevators. Once they had stepped inside and the doors had closed, Jane cast her partner a sideways glance and caught him looking at her. She arched an eyebrow. "What?"

"Nothing," Frost said quickly but Jane didn't back down. She pinned him with her stare and he caved in. "Korsak said that Casey's ex called yesterday. I didn't want to say anything in case you didn't want to talk about it but, you know, if you do… I'm here."

Jane flashed a smile. "I know, Frost. Thanks." She took a deep breath. "And thanks for saving my ass this last year. If it hadn't been for you, I'd probably be back in Evidence by now. I know I've screwed up but you always had my back and I owe you." She looked at him and he looked back at her. "You're a good partner, and a good friend."

"It's what friends are for," Frost said and at that moment the elevator doors opened and they stepped into the lobby. When he caught Jane glancing at the café he pushed her towards it. "Go and grab something to eat for along the way. I'm not stopping at that donut place you like so much. The last time I took you there you got sugar all over my car seat!"

Jane quickly walked into the café and Angela looked up. "Hey Ma, you got a sandwich?"

Angela's face lit up now that Jane asked for food. "What would you like?"

Jane grinned and leant against the counter. "Something that will make as much mess as possible in Frost's car."

Angela handed her a chicken and salad wrap, promising that no one could ever eat one of those things without spilling at least half the content everywhere, and then pushed a bottle of orange juice in Jane's hand before looking on how her daughter rushed out of the cafeteria and disappeared from her sight. She'd seen the look in Jane's eyes. She was on a mission. At least she now had her job to focus on but Angela knew that deeply below that stone cold mask, Jane was still thinking about Maura.

Jane caught up with Frost outside and climbed into his car. She buckled up and reached for the button to change the radio station but Frost slapped her hand away. "I'm driving so I get to pick the music."

"And I am forced to spend my day with you so I at least get to have something I actually enjoy," Jane hoked and changed the channel. It was the same country station she'd been listening to this morning. She leant back in her seat and unscrewed her lid from the bottle of orange juice. She took a large gulp and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Why do you listen to this crap?" Frost asked, rousing her from her thoughts.

"Why do you listen to the crap I just switched off?" Jane retorted and smiled. "At least these songs have a meaning."

"Broken hearts and cowboys don't seem very meaningful to me."

"You actually have to have a heart to get it," Jane grinned and looked at her partner. They had reached a red traffic light and the car came to a slow stop. "So today I find out you don't read and you have a lousy taste in music. Anything else I need to know about you?"

Frost didn't answer as the light changed to green and Jane focused her mind on the music playing softly in the background. It was a classic, performed many times by many singers but it was only this version that she had learnt to appreciate over time. The male voice's singing touched her somewhere deep inside, in a way she would never admit to anyone, and she took a deep breath. It wasn't until the words truly began to sink in that she realised exactly why they touched her the way they did.

"_The lonely sound of my voice calling is driving me insane. And just like rain the tears keep falling. Nobody answers when I call your name..."_

She stared out of the car window as Boston flashed by outside. The words of the song just echoed in her head, describing in agonising detail exactly how she had felt when she had come home last night. There had been a time she'd called Maura to come over but last night she was once again painfully reminded that she couldn't do that anymore. Maura wasn't there anymore.

After about twenty minutes Frost finally parked the car and it made Jane look up only to find her partner studying her with a worried look in his eyes.

"What?" she groaned as she got out of the car. "Have I got chicken on my face or something?"

"No, but there's chicken on the seat. And lettuce too!"

"That's what you get for not taking me to the donut place," Jane laughed but Frost's look didn't change. She furrowed her brow. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"It's not like you to sit there for half an hour and not a say word," Frost said. "What's going on, Jane?"

Jane slammed the car door and looked up to the building that Jackson Forster owned and straightened her back. She readjusted her blazer and made sure that her badge and gun were on show. She glanced at Frost. The hard, distanced look he had gotten used to seeing had returned.

"Nothing that can't be fixed."

* * *

**Lyrics in this chapter:** Vince Gill - Nobody Answers When I Call Your Name


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Jackson Forster was a man of few words and he possessed an air of arrogance that matched the amount of property he owned around Boston. Jane and Frost found this out the hard way when his secretary let them into his office. A tall, skinny man with a receding hairline and cold, blue eyes sat behind a large, expensive mahogany desk. Pictures of him with Boston's finest and richest adorned the walls and the large window overlooked the North End. His handshake was firm but Jane observed a distance in his eyes when he greeted them. She noticed the large amount of books in the bookcase. Every so often a photo frame or an ornament interrupted the rows and rows of what she assumed were famous works. She caught a glimpse of the names Shakespeare, Keats and Byron.

"You must be the detectives that arrested my grandson yesterday," he said as he pointed at the two leather armchairs. Jane sat down and folded her hands in her lap. As she made herself comfortable her blazer fell back, revealing her badge and gun. When she looked up at Jackson Forster she saw that he had noticed it too.

"We didn't arrest your grandson, sir, we merely brought him in for questioning. The evidence gathered was sufficient to detain him overnight but this morning his attorney filed the paperwork that forced us to let him go," Jane said. She spoke through gritted teeth. She felt a strong resentment towards people like Forster who thought that money could buy anything, including freedom and judgment.

Jackson Forster leant back in his chair, his face blank. "He didn't do anything wrong."

"You seem awfully convinced about that without having even seen the evidence against him," Jane countered and the hint of anger in her voice didn't not remain unnoticed by Frost. "Your grandson has been released but is currently under observation by Boston Police. We also have a witness who has identified your grandson as the man who attacked her last year."

"Impossible," Forster scoffed. "He would do no such thing. I'd like to know who this so called witness is."

"So you can pay her off? I don't think so," Jane sneered. "You will learn the name of the witness in due time, sir." She placed her feet firmly on the ground and stared the older man straight into the eye. She sensed that he tried to intimidate her but she wasn't going to let him or his money walk all over her. "We came here because we have some questions about the car accident that killed your son and his wife."

"He was drunk and killed himself when he got into that car," Forster said. "It was an open and shut case."

"Your son was a former alcoholic. He hadn't had a drink since 1998," Frost interjected before Jane could speak. The atmosphere in the room had shifted from amicable to almost explosive since they walked in and the tension between Jane and Forster was so thick that he could almost taste it. He would do what he could to keep the peace. "Why would David suddenly drink himself into a stupor and get into his car?"

"I don't know, detective. My son wasn't known for his common sense."

"The apple and tree spring to mind," Jane muttered under her breath but when she caught Frost's warning glare she fell silent and stared down into her lap.

"Has there ever been any reason to suspect foul play?" Frost inquired and Jane peered at him from underneath her eyelashes. He sat up straight and radiated confidence. Neither of them was letting this arrogant piece of crap get the better of them.

"Not as far as I'm aware. My son was a drunk, and a lousy one at that. He got into that car and attempted to drive him. We should just be grateful he only killed himself and his wife and not anybody else on that road," Forster countered but Jane detected a slight change in his demeanour. He looked a little less confident and some of the initial arrogance had faded. It was as if the mention of foul play concerning his son's death had stirred something.

"What made you hire a lawyer for your grandson?" Jane wanted to know. "When did he call you?"

"Everyone's entitled to a phone call, right?" Forster sneered. "Mark called me late last night, saying that he was being suspected of a crime he didn't commit. He asked for my help and I gave it to him."

"In the form of a lawyer wearing a three hundred dollar suit and charges double that in hourly fees."

"I can afford the best, detective. I fully intend to use those assets to keep my grandson out of jail."

Jane's dark eyes narrowed. "And what if the evidence proves that your grandson belongs there?"

"I think we'll leave that for a jury to decide," Forster countered and folded his hands on his desk. "If you don't mind me asking, what is it that Mark is being accused of?"

Jane glanced at Frost in surprise. Jackson Forster had sent a lawyer for his grandson without even knowing what it was he was suspected of doing. Jane took a deep breath. "Your grandson is our prime suspect in a murder case." She watched the old man's face fall and she could imagine the images unfolding in his head; the shame these accusations would bring upon his family. "In fact, he is our prime suspect for more than fifteen murders, spanning over a decade. They were committed all across the state of Massachusetts."

"He couldn't have…" Forster uttered. "Mark's a good kid. I mean, he…"

"He lives in a dump in Roxbury, has been known to be violent and doesn't show any emotion when confronted?" Jane finished his sentence. She couldn't deny she got some joy out of confronting the old man with the facts. Even the best families were flawed. "What can you tell us about your grandson, Mr Forster?"

"Mark was a bit of a strange child growing up," Forster remembered. "His father and I didn't talk much but I tried to see him whenever I could, or whenever David let me. When his parents died he showed up in my office. I remember being surprised because he seemed so cold, so distant, but I put it down to shock. He asked for my help."

Jane sat up. "What did he want?"

"Another chance."

"Do you know what your grandson's been doing for the past ten years? Jobs that he may have had, places he may have stayed?" Frost wanted to know.

"He never worked for me but I know that he did some jobs for his father. David's part of the company merged back into this one after his death. It was the way we had once agreed for the company to be run but David wanted it changed. He pressured me but I didn't give in. To this day I think je wanted to sell his share and take the money but he couldn't do it without my permission."

"Are there any records of Mark working for his father?" Jane felt a surge of excitement jolt through her body. If they could tie Mark to even just a few of the other places where the murders had been committed, they'd have enough to charge him. All they had now were suspicions and although her gut instinct told he was guilty, it wouldn't be enough to convince a judge or jury.

"I'll have my secretary find the records for you," Forster answered. The mask of the stoic, arrogant man had fallen, revealing the face of a person who had lost so much without ever admitting it to himself. He had been consumed by his anger and his greed to ever allow himself to love his son or see his grandson for what he was. He readjusted himself in his seat and looked at Jane. "Is there anything else I can help you with, detectives?"

"You've been very helpful," Jane answered and stood up. Frost followed and when Forster was about to get up and walk them to the door, she managed a smile. "We know the way out."

They closed the office door behind them and Jane turned to Frost, aghast. "Is that guy for real?"

"Doesn't seem to be living in the real world, does he?" Frost muttered in agreement.

Forster's secretary looked up when the two detectives reached her desk. Her gaze lingered for a moment on the badges clipped to their belt and then she smiled. "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, Mr Forster said that you would be able to provide us with records of his grandson Mark working for his son's part of the company?" Jane asked, making sure she smiled too. "We'd really appreciate it if you could give us a copy."

"Of course," the woman smiled. "Take a seat. I'll probably be a few minutes."

"Thank you."

As they sat down Jane's cell phone rung and she took it out of her pocket. As she inspected the caller id she realised it was the same number that had called her earlier. She glanced at Frost, who suddenly seemed very interested in his fingernails. "This number keeps calling me."

"Normal people would just answer the phone, Jane."

"It could be anybody!"

Frost smirked. "Isn't that the whole idea behind a phone? Anybody can call you!"

Jane huffed in frustration and answered her phone. "Rizzoli." There was only silence. She didn't hear another voice. She didn't hear anything at all. Not the sound of the wind or the noise of traffic in the background. Jane furrowed her brow, her grip on her phone tightening. "Hello?" Frost looked at her and she met his gaze. "Hello?" She hung up with a sigh. "Clearly they're not looking for Jane Rizzoli." She slipped her phone back in her pocket and folded her hands in her lap.

Frost looked at his partner. The sleepless nights had left their mark. He worried about Jane, although he'd never tell her. She wouldn't want to hear it anyway. They'd been partners for a few years now but over the last twelve months he had seen the change in her. She was no longer the same Jane Rizzoli he once knew. A mask had replaced the woman who had been tormented by Charles Hoyt. Jane bore her scars with pride and dignity but the devotion that had flickered in her eyes was gone. Most times, when he looked at her, her eyes were hollow. It was in those moments he knew she thought of Maura, when she believed the rest of the world couldn't see.

"You ok?" he questioned softly when he noticed Jane rubbing her hands together.

"Yeah," she said quickly and wiped her hands along her slacks. "Fine."

"Listen, Jane, everyone knows that this isn't going to be an easy week...," he began but fell silent when she gave him a piercing stare.

"I don't want to talk about it."

He looked at her. "Not talking about it isn't going to make it go away, Jane."

She didn't meet his eyes. "I can try."

At that moment Forster's secretary returned with several pieces of paper in her hand and she gave them to Jane. "This is all I could find but if there is anything you need, just give me a call and I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you so much," Jane said and stood up. She didn't wait for Frost to catch up with her and pressed the elevator button several times impatiently. When her partner reached her the doors had happened and Jane stepped inside. Frost knew better than to say anything and they returned to their in silence. The radio was their only companion, playin country songs in the background, as Jane stared out of the window of the car. She'd lived in Boston her entire life. It had always been her home but over the past year she had come to doubt that feeling. She had started to doubt everything because nothing was like the way it was anymore.

Forty five minutes and a stop at Starbucks later, Jane and Frost walked back into the BPD precinct. They made their way to the homicide department and found Korsak just walking back to his desk. He seemed agitated and Jane threw the papers from Forster's secretary on her desk as she eyed up the older detective. "What happened?"

"Mark Forster snuck out of the back door of his building."

"WHAT?!"

"Patrol car was watching the front of the building. Nobody realised there is a back entrance too. Forster must have snuck out not long after he got home. Officer got worried when he realised he hadn't seen anything move behind the window for a while. He went to check it out but no one answered the door. He checked the perimeter and found the back door."

"How the hell did this guy graduate from the Academy?" Jane ranted. "Surely anyone would check the area immediately?"

"Jane," Korsak attempted to calm the dark haired detective down. "He called for back-up and a dozen officers are searching the area."

"They're not gonna find him. Mark Forster will be miles away by now," Jane groaned and slumped down in her chair. She covered her face in her hands. "Shit, this day just keeps getting better and better."

Korsak looked at Frost as if to ask 'what's wrong with her?'

The younger detective just sighed and silently mouthed, '_Maura.__'_

The pieces fell into place and Korsak looked back at Jane. He had seen her at her worst, or so he thought, when they were dealing with Hoyt and he attacked her. That was until he got a glimpse of the broken Jane after Maura left and he realised he had never seen her so hurt before. He heaved a sigh and walked over to the Italian detective's desk before perching himself on the end of it.

"Jane…"

"Don't you dare say it," she warningly hissed. "I don't want to hear it."

"Maybe you should take a couple of days."

Her eyes snapped up, blazing with fire. "No!" The anger in her voice was alarming and she showed Korsak the paperwork she'd brought back with her. "I want to nail this son of a bitch."

"Ok," Korsak said softly and put a hand on Jane's shoulder, like a father would comfort a child. "Let's do this."

It was easier said than done. There were a dozen locations to match to places where Mark Forster had worked and the information wasn't complete and it wasn't particularly detailed. It took them almost four hours to create a timeline and stick all the details they did have onto the large white board. Jane did the writing as Frost stuck the pictures in the right place and Korsak read the information out to them. When she finally stepped back to admire her work her hands were covered in dark blue ink but they had created a detailed lay out with pictures, times and dates and locations.

"So these four all overlap," Jane pointed out as she took a red marker and drew lines from locations where bodies were found and four places where Mark Forster had worked for his father. "He was there on business meetings for three of them and the third one was some kind of a retreat." She looked at the other detectives and smirked. "Vomit."

"His lawyer's gonna say that we can't prove he was anywhere near the scenes of the other killings," Frost said. "We need to find out more about Mark Forster. There must have been other times when he travelled around the state."

"Jane?" Korsak suddenly said. He had reached the last page of the paperwork. She turned around. "Yo might wanna take a look at this."

"What is it?"

Korsak handed her the paper and Jane's eyes scanned the last few lines. "Oh shit."

"What?" Frost asked.

"Mark Forster spent time working out of state. Looks like his dad took him with him on a business trip only a few weeks before he died. They were gone for a month."

Frost walked over to Jane and studied the paper in her hand. "New York?!"

Jane threw the paper down on Korsak's desk and ran her hands through her hair. "So who is going to do the honours?"

"You mean checking out if this MO matches any bodies found in the state of New York?" Frost asked and he slowly turned back to the white board. "You know what this means, don't you?"

"Yep, and I like it even less than you do." Jane folded her arms across her chest. "Mark Forster potentially crossed state lines. If he killed someone in New York, this becomes a Federal case." She turned away from the white board and started pacing the squad room. "Federal case means FBI."

"Maybe he didn't kill anyone while he was in New York, Frost suggested.

Jane smiled although he couldn't see her face. "He's out of state, where nobody knows what he's doing. It is the perfect hunting and dumping ground. I bet a hundred bucks he killed at least one woman while he was there, maybe more."

"I'll check it," Frost said reluctantly and walked back to his desk. He logged into the computer and opened up logged into VICAP. The Violent Criminal Apprehension Program was designed to maintain information on crime cases in the U.S. It was designed to collect and analyse information about homicides, sexual assaults, missing persons, and other violent crimes involving unidentified human remains. As he began typing in the information about their homicides, Frost hoped that he wasn't going to find a match but Jane had been right. It was likely that Mark Forster had used the state of New York to keep a low profile.

Jane glanced at her watch. It was almost three o'clock in the afternoon. She'd had no lunch but wasn't hungry. Her eyes were drawn to the window. It had started raining again. Why was it, she thought, that whenever she felt like this the weather seemed to match her mood. It had been raining on and off for days. It had also rained the day Maura had left. A year on, the one thing that hadn't changed was the weather.

The minutes seemed to pass agonizingly slow until Frost spoke again. "We've got a match."

Jane swore under her breath. "How bad?" She tore her eyes away from the raindrops sliding down the glass and looked back at her partner.

"Two matches," Frost said. "One in New York City and the other in Rochester. Both women were found partially dressed, with signs of severe torture and both had been reported missing forty-eight hours before. Signs of rape and blunt force trauma too. Hairs were found at the scene but no DNA match was found." He looked up. "I doubt they would have looked beyond their state borders and I can't say I blame them."

"I'll bet you anything that those hairs match the DNA we found at our latest crime scene," Jane said and rushed back to her desk. She grabbed a file and started flicking through it. "And I'll also bet that it will watch the DNA found at seven of the twelve other crime scenes. In the five other cases the DNA was too badly damaged to be tested but most likely we'll be able to get some form of match." She looked back up at Frost. "Get on the phone to NYPD and Rochester PD. See if we can get their files. Maybe we can do this without the FBI after all."

Frost nodded and picked up the phone. Jane looked back at the white board. Yesterday she had felt they were nowhere and she feared they'd never get Mark Forster to justice but now it looked like they were closing in on that monster. She was about to speak when Korsak's phone rang and he answered. He didn't say anything but just slammed the horn down after a few seconds and leapt out of his chair. "They found Forster but he's got a gun and is hiding in some building near the docks. Grab your vests, you're both coming!"

Frost hung up without even making contact with New York and grabbed his vest from his bottom drawer. Jane had already put hers on by the time she was out of the door and double checked her gun. Korsak was still strapping his protective gear on when they reached the elevator but as they made it down to the lobby, they were all geared up to go and Korsak drove them to the address given to him over the phone.

The drive was quiet but Jane could see the tension on the other detective's faces. Being called out to a standoff with a shooter was always dangerous and although they wore protective gear, there was never the guarantee they wouldn't get hurt. Her heart hammered in her chest as they closed in on the harbour. The skies were grey and the rain was still coming down hard and fast. The siren on the dashboard was flashing red and blue and around them the traffic dispersed as Korsak put his foot down.

When they pulled up outside the derelict building at the docks, Jane felt the butterflies in her stomach. Half a dozen patrol cars had surrounded the building and each officer had drawn his or her gun. She recognised Frankie, who was kneeling behind a car door not too far away from her and their gazes locked. She sent him a smile and he smiled back but it didn't do anything to ease the unsettling feeling in her stomach. She wanted Forster alive but one wrong move and he'd have more holes in him than a sieve.

"Mark Forster, this is Boston PD! Come out with your hands where we can see them! You are surrounded and there is nowhere left to run!" one of the police officers shouted. The silence that followed was interrupted only by the sound of falling rain.

Suddenly the door to the building opened and Jane felt her muscles tense up. Around her all the other officers responded and she could see fingers pressed tightly against triggers. Her eyes were peeled on the door. She knew Mark Forster was in there and she'd be damned if she was going to let him get away again. The back of her throat had become dry and she was glad she had bound her hair back in a ponytail as a drop of rain ran down across the bridge of her nose. She was soaked to the bone.

"Show me your hands!" one of the officers shouted and Jane squinted. From the darkness inside the building a figure emerged and she recognised the man she had spoken to the day before immediately. Mark Forster yielded a gun as he stepped outside into the pouring rain and seemed to ignore the police officer's command.

"HANDS UP IN THE AIR!" I said, HANDS UP!" another officer shouted when Mark Forster's hand continued to rise instead of fall.

It had happened so fast and afterwards she wasn't able to exactly remember how it had all happened. She didn't even know who fired the first shot but when it rang out, everything changed. Her body moved before her mind could react and she took several steps forward, away from the car. Frost and Korsak had been standing in front of her but they now dropped to one knee, hiding behind the car door as they fired their weapon. The bullets shot through the air and all that she remembered when she fell was the sudden pressure in her stomach and the pain in her head when she hit the ground. Then the world went silent.

"JANE!" Jane!"

Her eyes opened and she blinked a few times. The pain in her head had subsided but her body ached. Korsak was hovering over her and she could see Frankie's face too. They all looked worried. Slowly the image became clearer and she groaned as she sat up, her hands patting across her body until she found the hole. Dipping her finger in it, she could feel the bullet. She looked back up at those staring down at her. "I'm OK", she breathed. "The vest took it."

The next twenty minutes she convinced everyone, including the paramedics, that she was fine. She signed the paperwork that stated she refused medical attention. She removed her vest and picked out the bullet herself, inspecting it. She then lifted up her shirt and revealed the already developing bruise across her abdomen. When her eyes found Frankie they were both painfully reminded that once he had almost died when a bullet had hit his vest and they just looked at each other, acknowledging that fact. He then drove her back to the precinct so she could pick up her car after she insisted she was perfectly capable of driving herself home.

It was still raining when she walked up to her building. Her body was aching and it hurt to walk. She clutched her abdomen with every step as the old injury she'd suffered when she shot herself flared up. She was so lost in her thought and consumed by pain that she didn't see the lone figure sitting on the steps of her apartment building, their hair and clothes soaking wet from the rain.

"Hello, Jane."

Jane froze. She knew that voice. She knew it as well as she knew her own. Slowly she looked up and through the raindrops she looked straight into the eyes of Maura Isles.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note:** OK, guys, this is crazy! My mail box literally exploded with all your reviews. How can this story just be 4 or 5 chapters long and have more than 80 reviews? I don't know what to say other than 'thank you.' You have made this so much more special and I hope I will continue to do you all justice by keeping this story going this way. I had worked things out until this point and have sat down this afternoon to create a larger plot to this story so I intend to keep this one going for a little while. Now, some of you may be familiar with my writing and if you are then you will know that I like to, shall we say, play with things. Patience is a virtue, my dear friends.

I have made a very short trailer to accompany this story and it can be found on YouTube. My screen name is MysteriousFlower22 and the video is titled Rizzoli & Isles – 365 Days.

You guys rock.

* * *

**Chapter 5**

"Maura."

Jane froze when the name rolled of her tongue so easily. She stared at Maura sitting on the stoop of her building, soaking wet from the rain. The back of her throat became dry and she tried to find the words as she looked at the woman she'd thought she'd never see again. She still clutched her stomach, the bruise where the bullet had hit her vest had changed into a deep shade of purple by now, and she was in pain but she didn't want to seem weak.

"What are you doing here?" Jane managed to ask. She was shivering now. She was wet and the cold wind ripped right through her. She wrapped her arms around herself for warmth, her dark eyes peeled on Maura. "Where have you been? I mean… how…." The anger came all of a sudden, like it was released from a chamber inside her soul. It emerged, like thunder. "WHY?!"

"Jane, I…" Maura's words faltered when she saw the hurt and anger in the other woman's eyes. "I… I want to talk." Hazel brown eyes studied the other woman's face. Jane hadn't changed in the last year but she could see that she was tired. The dark rings around her eyes were unmistakable. Her hair was bound back in a lose ponytail and she appeared to be clutching her stomach. Maura furrowed her brow. "Jane, are you hurt?"

"I'm fine," Jane groaned as she walked past Maura to the door of the building and opened it. A sharp pain shot through her and she clenched her jaw together, almost losing her balance. She just wanted a hot shower and curl up in bed. By morning she'd feel ten times worse than this. She stepped inside the building, glad to be out of the rain, and turned around. She saw Maura through the glass. She'd stood up but hadn't come closer. Their gazes locked for the very first time and Jane felt herself fall apart inside. Every little piece of her heart that she had carefully managed to put back together crumbled. She turned away, leaving Maura in the rain.

She hobbled towards the elevator and pressed the button. She couldn't take the stairs, no matter how badly she wanted to. Her pride had suffered a blow and she had to admit her weakness. As the doors slid open and Jane stepped inside she became aware of the second person joining her. Just as the doors began to close she looked up to find Maura standing next to her. Strands of honey blonde hair sat plastered across her face. Her designer jacket left drops of water on the elevator floor. In the haunting light of the small elevator, Jane caught a glimpse of Maura's face for the very first time.

"Get out," Jane said softly. Tears glistened in her eyes but she wasn't going to let Maura see them.

"Jane…"

"I can't talk to you," Jane said softly. "I just… I can't…"

"You don't have to say anything," Maura answered and tried to catch Jane's gaze but the dark haired detective turned her face away. "Just listen."

"Maura, I need you to leave… Please…."

Jane's voice was fragile and the words echoed all the hidden pain. Maura seemed taken aback but before Jane could speak again she had already exited the elevator and turned around just in time to watch the doors slide shut, withdrawing Jane from her sight. Maura swallowed hard, contemplating briefly to take the stairs, but then she turned around and walked back to the building's front door. She stepped back out into the cool evening air and seconds later the rain poured down on her again. She walked, with her hands in her pocket and without a sense of knowing where she was going. By the time Jane reached her apartment and looked out of the window, Maura was already gone.

Jane walked from her kitchen to the bathroom and switched on the shower. Her hands shook and trembled as she peeled the wet clothes away from her skin. She stared down at her stomach. The scar left behind from the surgery looked red. The skin around it had changed to a deep shade of purple. She tried to touch the surrounding tissue but flinched in pain. Her muscles hurt, her stomach ached and she just wanted to sleep forever.

Jane stepped into the warm shower and welcomed the comforting flow of the water raining down on her. She titled her head back, letting the water pour onto her face. She saw Maura's face again, standing outside in the rain. Her knees buckled and she slid down to the floor, her back against the wall. Black strands of hair fell into her eyes as she cried all the tears that she hadn't been able to cry before.

~()~

Across town Maura stuck the key into the front door of the house she hadn't set foot in the for the past year. She found the light switch on the wall and the kitchen and living room suddenly bathed in light. It looked exactly like she had left it. Clean, tidy and organised. Paying someone to clean the house twice a week for the past year had paid off. She took off her boots by the door and left them to dry out before padding across her living room towards the bedroom. She pushed against the door and it opened. The bed was made with fresh clean sheets, just as she had asked. Maura slowly stripped off her wet clothes, leaving them in an uncharacteristically wet pile on the floor. Once naked she walked into the bathroom and switched on the shower. She flinched when she stepped under the hot flow of water and stood completely still for a couple of seconds.

It had been a year since she had last walked into this house. She knew she'd have to come back eventually, no one can run forever, but she hadn't anticipated for it to be this soon. She couldn't stay away any longer once she learnt the truth about what had happened. After leaving Boston she'd had no contact with anyone she knew, apart from the maid she'd hired to clean her house and they communicated by email only. She didn't read any papers and apart from her email, she didn't use the internet. She lived in a world far away from the one she'd gotten used to. Far away from Jane.

Jane had shut her out tonight. She hadn't expected much else but to hear the anger in her voice, to see the hurt in her eyes, showed her that what she had done couldn't be undone.

Maura tilted her head and washed the remnants of the rain away from her face. The water did very little to wash away how she felt. She'd been building up to this moment for days and finally she had found that last little piece of courage that she needed to make her way to Jane's apartment. She'd gone up to the door and knocked. Nobody answered. A glance at her watch told her that Jane was most likely still at work. She'd gone to wait outside, not even minding the rain, and with every passing minute she'd grown more worried and frightened that Jane would react exactly what she had done. She had sent her away. Maura's eyes snapped open, riddled with tears, and she suppressed a sob. She couldn't even blame Jane. She had simply hoped that things would have been different.

She stepped out of the shower and wrapped one of the super soft Egyptian cotton towels around her before walking back to the bedroom. She picked a pair of comfortable leggings from a drawer and a simple white off shoulder sweater from her wardrobe. She brushed her hair and stared at herself in the mirror. Throughout the past year she had done this a lot and most times she hadn't been too certain of what she saw. A woman who had changed so most in just twelve months. She wasn't so sure if she still knew the person staring back at her.

Maura left the bedroom and went back to the living room. She picked her laptop up from the desk where she usually sat and worked and booted it up. While the machine was coming to live she wenr to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of red wine. She looked over her shoulder when a familiar shuffling sound caught her attention and smiled when Bass appeared from behind the dining table.

"Are you finding your away around again?" Maura said softly. She studied the tortoise for a while. "I'm sorry, Bass. You must feel so confused."

She picked a strawberry from the fruit bowl and with her glass in her hand walked towards the pet. She left the fruit in front of him and patted him briefly before walking back into the living room. She felt hollow and it was as if someone had dropped a massive weight in her stomach. As she sat down and curled her legs up underneath her she noticed the logo of the Medical Examiner's office on her computer screen background and heaved a sigh. It had been a long time since she'd seen that.

Maura clicked on the email icon and sipped from her wine whilst watching her inbox fill up. Most of them were from the medical examiner that had been hired as her replacement. She'd insisted they didn't hire Pike and made a suggestion herself. Doctor Sara Suarez was one of the best pathologist's in the state of Massachusetts and Maura had approached her personally to cover her post in her absence. She smiled when she noticed that most of the emails were recent. Updates on the cases she'd be taking over if she returned to work.

She couldn't quite bring herself to opening any of the messages and pushed the laptop away from her. Maura's eyes drifted around her living room. It felt empty, although nothing had changed since she left. She remembered that morning as if it were yesterday. It had been still dark. Her flight had been the first one scheduled to leave Logan airport that day. She'd walked through the kitchen, pulling both her suitcases behind her, and left the envelope on the side for Jane to find. Writing those words had reduced her to tears and it had started a feeling of guilt that never quite left her throughout the year.

The decision had been last minute. The previous day an email had been sent to her, and a dozen other doctors, asking for help. Médecins Sans Frontiers was in desperate need of physicians and they contacted anyone who had ever worked for them before. She'd received emails like these before but always replied that she couldn't help. Because of her work in Boston. Because of Jane. But this time, this time it had been different, and she answered she'd be on the next available flight to wasn't until she sent the email that she realised she hadn't just made that decision there and then; she had made it a long time ago.

She didn't know exactly when she had fallen in love with Jane. It wasn't something that had happened in the blink of an eye. It was more thatit had happened gradually, day by day and month by month. She hadn't even realised it at first, until she saw the way Jane looked at Casey when he walked back into her life. She'd been hurt, going as far as telling Jane that he didn't deserve her, but she kept her feelings to herself. Somewhere she glad to see the happiness in Jane's eyes, even if she wasn't the one who put it there. It wasn't until she found out that Casey had been injured and he wanted to lie to Jane, that she realised she couldn't do this. She could cope with Jane talking about him any living moment of the day but she couldn't cope with the thought that Jane would change her life, give up what she had, to be with him. When Casey said he was going to go through with the surgery she showed Jane the figures and statistics but Jane didn't want to know. Jane couldn't face the thought she could lose the person she loved.

Maura had no choice but to face that same thing.

After the building collapse, the decision had been almost easy. She had seen the way Jane watched Casey leave after he came to the scene. She'd taken Jan's hand in her own, knowing deep down that she was about to say goodbye. She wanted to remember the feeling of her Jan's hand inside her own, one last time, before she'd let go. It was easier not to see Jane than to see her pining over somebody else. She sent an email to Hope, explaining that she had to leave. She had promised to help Cailin but she couldn't help Cailin if she couldn't help herself first. She then wrote her letter to Jane and booked her flight to Africa for the next morning. The letter for Jane she left in the kitchen, knowing that she would come looking for her eventually.

Maura brushed the stray tear from her cheek and looked down when she felt Bass near her feet. He looked up at her, almost as if to see if she was OK. She smiled through her sadness and put her wineglass down. "I'm fine, big man," she reassured him. "I'll be OK."

A knock on the door startled her and she looked up. The knock repeated and slowly Maura stood up. She walked to the door, readjusting her sweater as she walked, and turned the door handle. As she opened the door she invited in a strong gust of wind and the sound of pouring rain. She blinked a couple of times and she finally made out the figure standing outside her door. In the light of the outside lamp stood Jane.

"Hi." She didn't know what else to say.

"I need to know why," Jane said. She'd changed into a pair of grey sweatpants and a black hooded top. She wore her favourite pair of sneakers and her hair was damp, either from the shower or the rain. Her big brown eyes stared at Maura as if she still couldn't quite grasp the fact that she was back. "I need you to tell me why you left, Maura."

"I will," Maura answered, sounding rather subdued. She stepped aside, clearing the way for Jane. "Do you… do you want to come in?"

Stepping into Maura's house felt different somehow. There had been a time when she'd walk in here unannounced, with her own key. Most of the time the door wouldn't even be locked and she'd just barch in. But now it felt like she was walking into the house of a stranger, somebody she no longer knew. Jane pushed her hands clumsily into the pockets of her hoodie and waited for Maura to close the door. She was still standing on the doormat. The atmosphere between them shifted when Maura filed past her and walked into the kitchen.

"Can I get you anything?"

"An explanation."

The hint of anger in Jane's voice touched Maura's heart and she turned around slowly. From across the kitchen she met Jane's eyes and swallowed hard. "I can do that."

"Good."

Jane followed Maura into the living room and watched as she sat down on the couch. She contemplated where to sit herself and chose the arm chair. As she sank down she flinched and grabbed her bruised and battered abdomen with her left hand. When she looked up she became aware of Maura's eyes lingering on her and unexpectedly their gazes locked. An unguarded moment revealed just a hint of the emotions they both tried so hard to hide. Jane folded her hands in her lap and chewed the inside of her lip. She didn't know what to say.

Maura took a deep breath. "Jane, I… I don't know where to start."

"Why did you leave?" Jane asked. "And don't tell me what you wrote in that letter, Maura. I want to hear it from you."

"I had to," Maura answered and averted her eyes. "I got an email from Médecins Sans Frontiers. They desperately needed doctors in Tanzania." Her breath hitched and her voice cracked. "I emailed them back and told them I could be on the next flight to Africa. I couldn't stay in Boston any more. I needed space to think. I needed to get away."

"From what?" Jane asked. She couldn't help but sound like she was accusing Maura.

"From everything."

"You left right before Casey's surgery! You told me about all the things that could go wrong and then you just… you just left!" Jane's voice was raspy, like she had smoked too many cigarettes. It was that edge that would have once driven Maura close to insanity. The hurt that flickered in chestnut eyes made her ache inside. "I kept hoping you'd come back. When Casey died I thought you'd be here. You told me it could happen but you just left me! I needed you and you weren't there for me!"

"I didn't know Casey died in surgery," Maura answered softly.

Jane furrowed her brow and anger filled her eyes. "What? You didn't even bother to check to see if he'd made it?!"

"I had access to email in Africa but nothing else, Jane!" Maura objected. "We had one phone line that we only used in cases of an emergency and one laptop! Some of the doctors would use it to speak to their families at home over Skype but we didn't have anything else." Her own voice hardened as she spoke. "I lived in a tent in the middle of nowhere. I couldn't have known, even if I had wanted to!"

"But you didn't want to, did you?"

"Jane…"

"Did you ever think about it? Did you ever think about the possibility that he may have died in surgery and you weren't there?!"

Maura set her jaw. "I did. I thought about it quite often." She brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. Jane was angry. Even now, after a year, she could still read her like a book. All the tell-tale signs of her anger were there. The flickering eyes, the sharp line of her jaw, the furrowed brow. "But I couldn't have done anything, Jane. I chose to go to Africa because those people needed me."

Jane's eyes snapped up and suddenly all the pain she had felt was poured into one sentence. "_I_ needed you too."

"I'm sorry," Maura answered.

"Like hell you are." It had left Jane's mouth before she realised it and when she looked up she saw Maura's eyes. She swallowed but couldn't bring herself to take those words back. She was hurt. She was angry. She felt like the world had crashed down on her for the second time. She took a deep breath. "In the letter you said that…"

"I loved you?" Maura finished her sentence and Jane gave an uncertain nod.

"Yeah, that."

"Do you know what it's like to see someone every single day, to feel like you may finally have found someone who understands you, who is there when you feel your best or your worst?" Maura asked softly. She couldn't look at Jane. She couldn't face her now. "Do you know what it's like to realise you have fallen in love with the one person in the world who can never love you back that same way, to see someone, day in day out, and having to watch how they fall in love with someone else right in front of your eyes? There is nothing harder in this world than believing that you have a chance and finding out that you don't."

"Maura…."

"Don't, Jane." Maura looked up. She had to. For the first time since Jane walked into her house she could see the anger subsiding in her eyes. She shook her head. "I shouldn't have done what I did. I had no right to dump this on you. I shouldn't have done it."

"So...," Jane began but Maura cut her off.

"A lot has changed, Jane. We're not the same people we were before."

Jane didn't answer. She had been about to speak but the words died on the tip of her tongue as Maura's words echoed through her head. They were different people now. The last year had changed both of them. She circled the scar on the back of her hand with her index finger. The silence seemed to be everlasting. Neither of them could find words to speak. There were so many things that needed to be said but the words were lost. Maybe some things were better left unsaid. Only time would tell.

"I… I should go…" Jane stood up and stared for the door. She turned around half way to find Maura standing by the couch. She didn't try to stop her. "This was a bad idea. I'm… I'm sorry."

She opened the door and stepped out into the rain. She was about to leave when she heard Maura's voice call her back and she turned around. She stood in the kitchen now, close enough for Jane to see the sadness in her eyes but Maura tried to smile anyway. Her lower lip trembled as she spoke. Her hand rested against the kitchen counter in support.

"It's good to see you, Jane."

Jane hesitated before answering. "It's good to see you too, Maura."

She turned around and left, disappearing into the rain. Maura watched her leave. She noticed the limp in her step and the way Jane's hand was pressed against her stomach. She walked to the door only once she knew the other was far enough way that she couldn't see it. She closed it and slowly sank down to the floor with her back against the wood. The tears came without warning and she covered her face in her hands.

Was it possible to go from knowing someone so well to not knowing them at all?


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note:** I can't even begin to describe how humbled I am by all your reviews and comments. This story started out on a whim and it is turning into something so much bigger. Your reviews are amazing and my email box doesn't know what to do with itself. Also to those readers who do not review but simply enjoy reading, I appreciate the time and effort you all put in. Thank you all so much.

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**Chapter 6**

Jane pulled up outside the apartment building that wasn't hers and from her car she stared up at some of the illuminated windows. When she saw a shadow move behind the glass she knew her mother was still awake and she got out of the car. She flinched when she put all her weight onto her right leg and rubbed her abdomen. She had looked at the injury after leaving Maura's house. The bruise had spread across her stomach. The skin felt warm to the touch and she ached with every step. She slammed the car door, slid her keys in her pocket and heaved a sigh. She walked up to the building and pressed the buzzer next to Angela Rizzoli's name.

"Who is it?" her mother's voice called from the monitor.

"It's me, Ma."

"Janie?"

"You have any other daughters, Ma?"

The entrance door to the building opened and Jane stepped inside. Her mother lived on the fourth floor and she stepped into the elevator. As the doors closed she supported herself against the thick, metal walls and caught a glimpse of herself in the narrow mirror. She looked like hell. Her unruly black curls fell in a tangled mess down her shoulders. The sweatpants were a size too big and the hoodie hung loose around her slender frame. But what struck her most was the hollow look in her own eyes.

When she reached her mother's apartment she found Angela already waiting in the doorway. Her face was a mask of worry and she rushed towards her daughter when she noticed Jane had difficulty walking. She grabbed Jane's hand and ignored her protestations when she helped her inside, kicked the door shut behind her, and guided her daughter to the couch. She watched as Jane sank down in the comfortable cushions and rested her head back.

"Are you allright? Frankie told me about the shooting and that your vest took the bullet," Angela said. "You should have gone to the hospital, Jane. You should have let the doctors look at you. I mean, remember what happened to Frankie? He almost died from a bullet in his vest!" She shook her head and started pacing her living room. "Oh, why do you always have to be so stubborn?"

"Maura's back."

Angela froze in her step and turned to Jane. The agony was written across her face. "What?"

"Maura's back, Ma."

Angela stared at her daughter. "What do you mean, Maura's back?"

"She's back, Ma. In Boston." It even hurt to talk. She'd taken painkillers when she got home, after her shower, but they had worn off. She'd kill for something right about now. Her hands rested across her abdomen, much like a pregnant woman would caress her baby bump, and she looked up at Angela. The look in her mother's eyes mirrored her own initial shock. "When I got home she was sitting on my doorstep."

Angela silently sat down next Jane and took her hand. "Jane, I'm sorry."

"Why? You didn't tell her to come to my apartment, did you?" Jane asked and Angela shook her head. "I… I wasn't expecting to see her. Not today, I mean." Her voice faltered and she clenched her jaw when a particular sharp jolt of pain rushed through her. "Not ever again. But I came home and there she was, sitting on my doorstep. Just like that night when she came to show me those freaking statistics about Casey's surgery. She was wet, from the rain. She must have been sitting there for hours."

"Did you talk to her?" Angela wanted to know.

"I sent her away."

"You did _what_?!"

"I couldn't talk to her, Ma. I… I didn't know what to say."

Jane took a deep breath and looked around her mother's living room. Angela had moved in here a couple of weeks after Maura left. She'd been ready to leave Maura's guesthouse anyway and stand on her own two feet but Maura's leaving was the last push she needed. It was nice and bright, although perhaps a little small, but Angela had made it her own. It was in the South End and part of a new building development that had only been finished the year before.

Angela studied her daughter's face. "Did you ask her why she left?"

"I did." Jane shook her head and raised her hands in a helpless gesture. "God knows what I was thinking going back there."

"Back where?"

"Maura's place. I went to her house after she left. I had to hear it from her, Ma."

Angela watched the hurt in Jane's eyes. She knew that Jane loved Maura. She had known long before Jane knew she loved Maura. She always wondered about them when they were together, how Maura managed to make Jane smile in a way nobody else had ever made her smile. Not even Casey had been able to produce that light in her eyes or that blush on her cheeks. But it wasn't until it was all gone, when Maura was gone, that Angela realised that Jane had lost her heart long before Casey. She'd watched her pick up the pieces and put her shattered heart back together. Jane had tried so hard but the cracks would always be visible.

"Why did she have to be so selfish?!" Jane spat all of a sudden. The anger had been simmering underneath her hurt since she left Maura's house. "I mean, she could have left without telling me all the things she told me but she had to leave that stupid letter! How can she expect to walk back into my life and think that everything's just going to be like it was?"

"Did she say that? Does she expect things to be like the way they were?" Angela asked. She knew Maura was an intelligent woman. Intelligent enough to know that nothing was going to be like it had once been. A year had past, a year in which her absence had left Jane to grow weary and the hurt had festered, changing into anger with every passing day. "Did she say that, Jane?"

"She said we're different people now."

"She's right."

"Are you defending her now?!" Jane sneered and blazing dark eyes met Angela's. "Whatever happened to blood's thicker than water, Ma?"

"I am not defending her, Janie. I am saying Maura's right because you have changed and she has too," Angela said and took Jane's hand in her own. She was surprised when Jane didn't immediately pull away. "Give it time, Jane. Did she say why she's come back to Boston? Or why she didn't contact you earlier?"

"She said she went to Africa. Doctors Without Borders. She went to Tanzania. Maura said she lived in a tent for a year and didn't have access to the internet other than email." Jane chewed the inside of her lip and rolled her eyes. "It's gotta be the best excuse I have ever heard. 'Sorry I didn't know the man you loved died, Jane. I was stuck in a large sandbox trying to get away from you.'"

Angela stared at the ground. "Is she… is she coming back to work?"

Jane's eyes widened. "I… I don't know. Do you think… Do you think she might be?" She wasn't sure she could face the prospect of seeing Maura on every crime scene. The idea of coming down into the morgue, surrounded by nothing but the cold air conditioning and the lingering echoes of their friendship, sent a chill down into her heart and she stared at her mother. "Do you really think that?"

"I don't know," Angela answered, unwilling to admit that there was a likely chance that Maura would return to her post as Chief Medical Examiner. She looked at Jane and judged from the look on her face that she didn't want to talk about Maura anymore. She recognised that sad expression, the one where her eyes asked for the comfort of her mother but her mind was too proud to ask. Angela scooted closer and carefully slipped an arm around Jane's shoulder. When she felt her daughter squirm she pulled back.

"Ouch," Jane groaned as she attempted to get away from her mother's embrace and rubbed her stomach.

Without warning Angela's hand shot down to Jane's hoodie and she pulled the fabric up, revealing her abdomen. Her other hand flew to her mouth and she smothered the horrified gasp when she saw the dark purple bruise across Jane's skin. Tears welled up in her eyes but when she reached to touch Jane slapped her mother's hand away.

"It's just a bruise, Ma," she tried but Angela wasn't having it.

"Did anyone look at this, Jane?"

She shook her head. "Ma, the vest took the bullet. It's just a bruise! Nothing serious!" She pulled her hoodie back down. The move caused her to jerk and the pain flashed through her eyes and she clenched her teeth together, unwilling to show her mother how much pain she was really in. "You don't have any painkillers, do you?"

Angela, realising that she wouldn't be able to win an argument with Jane about seeing a doctor, stood up and walked to the kitchen. She opened one of the cabinets and took out of a small jar of pills. From another cupboard she took a glass and filled it with water from the fridge. When she walked back into the living room she found that Jane had put her legs up on the couch and her head was resting against the cushions.

"I have a spare bedroom, you know. You don't have to sleep on the couch," she said as she gave Jane the pills.

"I'm not staying," Jane objected but when Angela placed her hands on her hips in the way that told Jane there was no arguing, she caved in and sheepishly smiled. "OK, I'll stay."

"Do you need help with anything?" Angela asked when Jane slowly went to sit up, still clutching her injury. She resisted coming to her aid, knowing it would result in a rejection.

Jane's eyes darkened just a little. "I'm bruised, Ma, not dying."

"Okay," Angela answered softly. "You know the way."

She watched Jane stumble across her living room. She favoured her right side over her left, avoiding putting too much weight on her leg which resulted in her straining her muscles. Angela's gaze lingered on her daughter's slender frame. She had never been happy with Jane's choice of profession and after she got shot, by her own hands, she had prayed she would change her mind. But not even a near death experience could change Jane's mind. She was born to be a cop and nothing would ever change her mind. All Angela could do was hope that her phone would never ring with the same message so many other loved ones had received before her.

Jane closed the door to the guest bedroom behind her and walked over to the bed. She sank down onto the comfortable mattress and released the painful moan she'd been holding back. Slowly she pulled her hoodie over her head and threw it onto the arm chair in the corner of the room. Just wearing her bra and sweatpants she walked over to the small chest of drawers on the other side of the room and rummaged around until she found an old baseball jersey that had once belonged to Frankie. She unclasped the sports bra she was wearing and slipped the jersey over her head. The fabric felt soft against her skin. She pulled her sweats done and kicked them in the corner before climbing onto the bed. She sighed in relief when she slipped under the comforter and her body could finally relax. As she settled, pulling the sheets around her, her mind immediately drifted back to Maura.

_Maura._

She was back. She had come back to Boston and she had been sitting on her doorstep in the pouring rain. The image flooded back into Jane's mind. Maura Isles, wet through and through, with strands of hair clinging to her face. She'd looked so small, so forlorn and yet Jane hadn't felt any of those things when she first laid eyes on her. What she had felt was anger, hurt and resentment.

She blamed Maura. She blamed Maura for the way she felt, for abandoning her when she needed her the most. She blamed her for turning her life upside down, for shattering it into more than pieces than she knew what to do with. How could she have known that Maura felt the way she did? How could she have known that behind words of comfort and support hid something so much deeper?

Jane rolled onto uninjured side and stared at the window. Through the half open curtains a beam of yellow streetlight fell into the room. Maura loved her and she had left, leaving just those words behind. She had forced Jane to come to understand what it meant, truly meant, without her but now she was back and Jane felt as lost as she did the moment she realised that Maura was gone. How long had it taken her to realise that there was more to all the moments she spent looking at Maura, mesmerized just by how much light she had brought into her life? Why was it that she had to lose it all to realise that what she had wanted the most had been right in front of her? Why was it that when she looked at Maura tonight she didn't see any of the things she had once seen? Could it all be gone?

Somewhere between her thoughts about Maura and the slowly subsiding pain in her stomach, Jane drifted off into a dreamless slumber. When she woke the sunlight was streaming into the room, warming her face. She blinked against the bright light and her eyes darted to the small alarm clock on the bedside table. 08.14 am.

"Shit!" she hissed as she kicked the comforter away from her, realising too late that the move caused her stomach to hurt again. She curled up into a ball, biting her tongue in pain, and waited for the throbbing to wear off before moving again. Her eyes opened again and slowly Jane pushed herself up into a seated position. She was about to put her foot down on the soft carpet when the door opened and she looked up. Angela appeared, carrying a tray. Jane could smell the coffee from where she sat.

"I'm late for work," she muttered as her mother walked towards her. "Cavanaugh is going to kill me."

"He's not," Angela answered and set the tray on the bedside table. Jane smiled when she saw the bunny shaped pancakes. They even had eyes. "You're not going anywhere, Jane."

"What?" she asked. "But…"

"Cavanaugh called an hour ago. Asked me to tell you to take the next two days off," Angela said. "Until you can walk again."

"I can walk!" Jane protested and put her feet down on the floor as if to add extra strength to her words.

"Walk without pain," Angela clarified. "He said Korsak and Frost will probably check in on you later."

"With paperwork no doubt," Jane groaned as she picked up the coffee and took a sip. Her stomach growled. She didn't eat dinner last night and she only now realised that she was ravenous.

"Did you sleep OK?" Angela wanted to know.

"Surprisingly, yes."

"I've left the painkillers on the kitchen counter. There's food in the fridge or you can order pizza," Angela said and when Jane looked up with questioning brown eyes she sighed. "I gotta go to work, Jane. Someone's gotta feed those cops in the café."

"Yeah God forbid they let Stanley anywhere near the food," Jane snickered and sipped her coffee. "He'd give them all salmonella poisoning."

"Call me if you need anything," Angela said. "You want me to send Frankie or Tommy round to check on you? Tommy's got TJ today so maybe you can…"

Jane shook her head, cutting her mother off. "I don't think I'll be good company today, Ma. It's not fair on Frankie or Tommy."

Angela let those words sink in. Jane meant Maura. She could see that the absent look returned in her eyes. She briefly took her daughter's hands and squeezed it before standing up from the bed and walking to the door. She looked back one last time to find Jane crawling back under the comforter with her coffee and smiled. For a split second Jane was six years old again, sick the stomach flu, and all she wanted was to curl up and go back to sleep. Her daughter was no longer six and this was no stomach flu but some things never changed.

Once she was gone, Jane rested back into the pillows on the bed and drank her coffee. The thought of having the day off irritated her but even she knew that she was in no fit state to go into work today. She spent the next half an hour in bed before taking the duvet and dragging it into the living room. There she curled up on the couch, picked up the remote for the radio and switched it on. Music began playing from the speakers on either side of the room and Jane's eyes fluttered shut. The pain was making her tired and the thoughts about Maura were going round and round in her head.

"…_Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend I'm alright, but it's never enough. Cause my echo, echo is the only voice coming back. Shadow, shadow, is the only friend that I have…"_

Her eyes snapped back open as the lyrics reached her and she immediately switched the radio back off. She swallowed hard and picked up her cell phone from the couch armrest. She scrolled through her received calls until she found the number that had been unfamiliar too her. It was just a feeling, something she couldn't quite explain, but she hit the call button anyway and brought the device to her ear. The phone rang once and then a second time. Then a voice answered.

"Jane?"

Hearing Maura say her name brought back all the emotions from the previous night and her grip on the phone tightened as her throat constricted, leaving her unable to speak.

"Jane?" Maura asked again, softer this time. "Jane, I know it's you."

She hung up without saying something. Her hands were shaking and she quickly put her cell phone down, half and half expecting it to ring, to hear Maura's voice again. It didn't happen. Her cell phone didn't ring. She picked it back up and worked her way through her contact list. She added the number and a hint of a smile played around her lips as slowly her fingers typed in the name that belonged with it.

Maura.

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**Lyrics in this chapter:** Jason Walker - Echo.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note: **You guys are the best. That is all I can say. Thank you.**  
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**Chapter 7**

She tried to focus but her mind continued to wander. Her cell phone lay within reach and she found herself staring at the black screen every few minutes, expecting it to ring again. It had been over half an hour since the device had come to life and reflected Jane's name across her caller ID screen. Her heart had jolted in her chest and she had hesitated to answer but when she did all she could manage was to whisper Jane's name. It was answered with silence. She had asked again, knowing Jane could hear her voice, and prayed she would speak. She had even said that she knew it was Jane. The line was disconnected after that.

Maura tore her eyes away from the phone and looked back at her paperwork. She was about to place her signature at the bottom of the page when another sound disturbed her. The knock on the door surprised her a little and she left her paperwork on her desk and walked across the kitchen to answer it. As she turned the lock Maura recognised the person standing outside. Slowly she opened the door and looked straight into the eyes of Angela Rizzoli. The older woman's face lit up when she saw Maura.

"Angela," Maura said tentatively. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see if it was true," Angela said softly. "Jane said you were back."

Maura took a deep breath. "Yes, I'm back."

They looked at each other for a little while, neither of them sure of what to say next. In the time that Angela had lived in Maura's guesthouse she had come to value the doctor as one of her own. In her opinion, and her heart, Maura was as much her daughter as Jane was. They had gotten to know each other quite well and Angela had watched Maura's interaction with Jane throughout that time. She'd seen the sometimes lingering glances Maura cast Jane but she never thought it was for the reasons it turned out to be. Maura had found something in Jane she never really had before; a friend.

"Would you like to come in?" Maura eventually broke the silence and stepped aside. "I've just made some tea."

"Thank you," Angela said softly and followed Maura into the kitchen. Her eyes darted around. She'd been in this house more times than she could remember. It hadn't changed a bit. She wasn't sure why she had expected it to look different but a lot of things had changed in the past year. Her eyes followed Maura as she got to cups from the cupboard and reached for the teapot on the side. Just before she poured the tea Maura looked up and found Angela looking at her.

"Does Jane know you're here?"

"No," Angela said, remembering how she had left Jane in bed. "I told her I was going to work."

"You don't work in the BPD café anymore?" Maura asked as she pushed one of the cups towards Angela.

"I do but Stanley is taking over for me this morning," Angela answered. "I wanted to see you."

"Angela, I know that there are things you want to ask me and I understand," Maura began, "but I don't know if…"

"I am not here to judge you," Angela said softly and she watched the worry ease from Maura's face. She only realised now that Maura had been afraid she was here to lecture her about what her leaving had done to Jane. She took a step towards the honey blonde woman, raising her hands as if to silently say she wasn't here to cause pain. "I came because I wanted to talk to you. I want to understand."

Maura swallowed hard. Tears constricted the back of her throat and she shyly looked away, staring at the tea swirling in her cup. "I don't know if I can."

"Just tell me why," Angela said and her voice was laced with a hint of despair. The medical examiner averted her eyes but not until after Angela had seen the hurt in those hazel orbs. She'd seen the same pain in Jane's eyes earlier that morning. "Maura, when you left I didn't know what had happened. One moment you were there and the next you were gone. I was so worried!"

"I'm sorry," Maura answered and picked up her tea cup. She walked into the living room and sat down. Angela followed her. For a moment she hesitated before taking a seat next to Maura on the couch and put her tea down. Maura had folded her hands in her lap, her cup standing on the coffee table. She stared at something in the distance, something Angela couldn't see, and when she looked back up she reminded the older woman of a deer caught in headlights.

"Jane said you went to Africa," Angela encouraged the younger woman. "Why Africa?"

"It was the only other place I knew," Maura said softly. "The only place where I knew Jane wouldn't be able to track me down." Her teeth worried her bottom lip and she ran a hand through her hair. "The email from Médecins Sans Frontiers was the last push that I needed to get my life back under control. I needed a way out and they gave me one." She picked up her tea cup but didn't drink. It was merely something to occupy her hands. "I didn't have a choice."

"Oh Maura," Angela said and softly ran her fingers across the medical examiner's arm. "Why?"

Tears glistened in Maura's eyes when she finally found the courage to look Angela in the eye. "Because I loved her."

"We can't help who we love, Maura."

"You knew?" Maura whispered.

Angela shook her head. "I wish I had."

"Jane hates me and I can't say I blame her," Maura sighed. "I don't know what I was thinking writing her that letter but it felt like the right thing to do at the time. If I had left without telling her the reason she would never have stopped asking herself why. I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't leave without her knowing the truth." She rested her head against the back of the couch. "How I wish I hadn't."

Angela let Maura's words sink in. "She needed a lot of time to understand."

"I wish I had known about Casey," Maura said softly. "If there had been a way for me to…" She didn't finish her sentence. "I thought about it a few times. Calling her, asking her how she was doing, but I never did. We had one phone line and a dodgy Skype connection. I'm not saying I should have, but I'm thinking that maybe I could have tried." She took a sip from her tea. "I can't change it now."

"How long have you been back?" Angela asked.

"Three days," Maura answered. "I'm still waiting for some of my things to be shipped back from Tanzania. There was a problem with my luggage and some of it got left behind." She shrugged. "I don't need it anyway."

Angela looked at Maura. She hadn't changed in the last year. Her hair had grown a little longer and reached down to her back. She was dressed in a pair of casual dark blue jeans and a button up white silk blouse. A fine silver chain with a simple flower shaped pendant hung around her neck. It was a sharp contrast against her sun kissed skin. For someone who had come back only three days ago, Maura seemed to be dealing with her jetlag very well.

"What are you going to do?" she wanted to know.

"I didn't resign from my post," Maura explained. "I took a leave of absence but it only covered a year. It was the longest I could take off. Doctor Suarez took over while I was gone but she is expected back in Springfield by the end of the week. I have a few days to catch up on the open cases and after that…" There was a pause as her eyes found Angela's and they both understood the impact of the words she was about to say. "I'm going back to work."

"With Jane."

Maura blinked and her voice cracked. "With Jane."

"How…," Angela began but Maura shook her head.

"We don't have a choice, Angela," she said softly. "We're going to have to find our way somewhere, whatever or wherever that may be. I know what I did and I know that it was wrong. That is my cross to carry. I know Jane hates me now. Over time those feelings will find a place and we'll… we'll find a way somehow."

"Do you still love her?"

Angela's question surprised her and Maura felt her heart sink. She had spent a year in Africa, surrounded by some of the most inhumane and cruel circumstances a person could ever see, trying to convince herself she could hide from those feelings. They had found a place somewhere inside of her and as the weeks turned into months it didn't seem to hurt as much. So now she looked up, confronted by the question she had asked herself countless times.

"I can't answer that," Maura answered and stood up.

"Why?" Angela wanted to know and followed the younger woman around the living room with her eyes.

Maura walked to the bookcase and picked up one of the very few photo frames she kept in the house. Angela watched how Maura seemed to almost caress the silver frame in her hand, briefly lost in the memory that was triggered by the image she saw. It was a group shot of her and Jane together with Korsak, Frost and Frankie in the Dirty Robber. To most people it looked like any other picture of a group of friends but Maura saw something else; she saw the way she looked at Jane. The picture had captured the love in her eyes,

"I can't answer that because I cannot allow myself to," Maura said softly and put the picture back. "We're different people now, Jane and I. We're not who we used to be."

"But Jane…" Angela swallowed the rest of her sentence when Maura just shook her head. She fell back into the cushions, deflated, as Maura walked to the patio doors that led to the back garden. She stood by the glass, arms hanging beside her body, and her shoulders dropped. Everything about her body language screamed pain and hurt but Angela now realised that Maura had chosen a different path.

Angela stood up and joined Maura by the window. "You should talk to Jane."

"She doesn't want to talk to me."

"I'm not so sure. I just think Jane doesn't know what to say."

"That makes two of us." Maura chewed her lip. "I don't know if…"

"Go see her," Angela encouraged her. "She's at my apartment. It's in the South End."

Maura turned around and frowned. "Why is she at your apartment?"

"She-she didn't tell you?" Angela asked and immediately regretted telling Maura to go and see Jane. Jane had chosen not to tell Maura she got hurt. She nervously fumbled with her hands. "Jane, errr, got hurt yesterday."

Maura's eyes widened. She had noticed the way Jane walked when she saw her yesterday. "What happened?"

"She got shot," Angela said softly. "The vest took the bullet but she has some bruising on her stomach."

"Oh." Maura swallowed hard and looked away. She remembered Frankie on the table in autopsy during the siege of BPD. Jane almost died that day. "That explains a lot."

"I shouldn't have said anything, Maura, I'm sorry," Angela hurriedly said. "I mean, if Jane wanted you to know she would have told you last night. She didn't say anything so…"

"It's allright," Maura replied and looked up to meet Angela's eyes. "Jane doesn't like to admit her weaknesses. She is too proud for that."

"I still think you should go and see her," Angela said and glanced at her watch. "I have to go. I'm not sure how long I can trust Stanley with the food." She held Maura's gaze for a moment longer, inviting the medical examiner closer if she wanted to. Maura seemed to hesitate but then stepped toward and allowed herself to be enveloped in Angela's arms. Angela's head rested on Maura's shoulder and she pulled her close, the same way she had pulled Jane close.

"I'm just glad you're back," she whispered when she let go and let her hand trail down Maura's cheek. "Things will find their way."

Maura weakly smiled as she walked Angela to the door. The older woman stopped and took a small piece of paper and a pen from her handbag and wrote down her address. She put it in Maura's open palm before smiling and Maura watched her walk down the drive. She leant against the open door, her body suddenly tired and exhausted. Once the sound of Angela's engine had faded in the distance Maura grabbed her handbag and coat and found her car keys on the table by the door. She walked back to pick up her phone, slipped it on her pocket, and walked back outside. As she locked the door behind her she prayed she was doing the right thing.

She found Angela's apartment quite easily and parked her car across the street. She sat behind the wheel for a little while, trying to find the strength and courage to do what she knew needed to be done. She would have to face Jane sooner or later. There was no way they could avoid each other. Boston simply wasn't big enough. With that thought in her head Maura got out of her car, crossed the street and pressed the buzzer next to Angela's name. it was followed by a crackling sound that changed into Jane's voice.

"Who is it?"

"Jane, it's Maura."

There was a silence and for a few seconds Maura thought that Jane was gone.

"What do you want?"

"I…I'd like to talk to you," Maura said, suddenly aware that the people walking past her could hear them. "If that's OK?"

The front door opened and Maura pushed against it, stepping into the building. She took the elevator to the fourth floor and when she stepped out she looked around to determine which side of the corridor Angela's apartment was on. Her heart pounded in the back of her throat and she slowly walked to the door. Her knuckles rasped against the light blue wood and she waited.

Jane opened the door and for a few seconds they looked at each other without speaking. Dressed in one of her mother's old t-shirt and the sweatpants she'd worn to Maura's the night before, Jane eyed up the woman standing outside. Once again she was struck by Maura's appearance. Her hair framed her face, with not a single strand out of place. Her coat hung open, revealing the blouse that formed a beautiful colour combination with the slightly bronzed tone of her skin. A pair of hazel eyes looked up at Jane in expectation.

Jane stepped aside without speaking and Maura stepped inside the apartment. As she turned around she watched Jane close the door.

"Thank you," she said softly.

Jane arched an eyebrow. "I haven't done anything yet."

"You let me in," Maura answered and stared at the floor. "You didn't have to do that."

Jane tried to walk to the couch without betraying that she was in pain but her minor limp gave her away. When she sat down she saw Maura looking at her and she shook her head just before the honey lode could ask the question. "Don't, Maura." It sounded razor sharp. "You don't have the right to ask."

"Fine," Maura answered. Her tone was almost as sharp as Jane's. "I won't."

Jane folded her arms in front of her chest and eyed up the woman that had once been her best friend. She felt like she was looking at a stranger, as if Maura was no longer the person she had once known. "Why are you here?"

"I owe you an apology." When Maura saw the hardened look in Jane's eyes she sighed. "And I owe you an explanation about why I left."

"I think your letter did a pretty good job explaining that," Jane snapped.

"I shouldn't have done what I did, Jane," Maura said and sat down in the arm chair. "I was selfish and for that I apologise." She played with the zip of her coat, unable to look at Jane but she felt her piercing gaze linger on her. All the things she had wanted to say, all the things she had thought of on her way here, suddenly seemed meaningless. She swallowed. "I wanted you to hear this from me, and not from anybody else, but I'll be returning back to work as the Chief Medical Examiner by the end of the week."

"You're coming back?" Jane asked with surprise evident in her voice.

"I didn't hand in my resignation. My leave of absence covered the period of a year, allowing doctor Suarez to cover while I was away. The leave runs out by the end of the week."

"So you'll be working for BPD again?" Jane asked. All kinds of emotions welled up in the pit of her stomach. Slowly she sat up, ignoring the sharp pain in her stomach, and looked at Maura.

Maura gave a quick nod. "Yes."

"So, we're just going to have to carry on like nothing happened?!" Jane suddenly snapped and she stood back up from the couch. The pain was nothing compared to the anger that roared inside of her. Hurt flashed through her eyes and she paid no notice to the startled expression on Maura's face. "Are we really going to pretend that you didn't walk out on me a year ago? For heaven's sake, Maura! It has been a year! A year in which I didn't know where you were, what you were doing and then suddenly you turn back up, sitting on my doorstep in the pouring rain and you're telling me you're back?!"

"Jane," Maura pleaded, "Please…"

"You left me when Casey was about to go into surgery and you hid in some godforsaken desert after telling me you couldn't stay because you loved me." Jane's voice cracked and the hint of tears made Maura look up. Dark brown, almost black, eyes found hazel brown and suddenly the world seemed to freeze. There was nothing else but them; there wasn't even the ticking off the clock as they stared at each other. Jane's voice was reduced to a whisper. "You said you loved me."

"I did," Maura whispered softly and fought a hopeless battle against her own tears. She felt them on her cheek and brushed them away with the back of her hand. "I…" Her voice faded when she saw the way Jane looked at her. She turned around and started for the door. "I don't know what I was thinking, coming here. We.. We're just going to have to find a way to live with this."

"Wait!" Jane managed to reach the door the same second Maura did and stopped her from reaching for the handle. Questioning eyes searched the crying woman's face. "There's something I need to know."

Maura looked up. She felt tired. "What, Jane?"

"Did you mean it?"

"Did I mean what?"

"When you said you loved me, did you mean it?"

Maura stepped away from the door. "Yes."

"So that's it?" Jane asked. "You get to tell me that you love me and then you go running off into the sunset, leaving me to deal with the mess you've left behind?"

Maura lifted up her head and swallowed hard. "I came here to apologise for what I said in my letter, Jane. I came here to apologise for everything that I have done wrong, for all the hurt I've caused you." She resisted touching the other woman's hand, no matter how much she longed to just feel her skin against her own. She managed to slide her arm under Jane's and opened the door. Jane stepped back in surprise and watched Maura walk out of the door. Outside Maura turned around and looked at the other woman. "I came here to tell you that it doesn't matter anymore."

"What doesn't matter anymore?" Jane asked and Maura averted her eyes. She furrowed her brow. "Maura, what doesn't matter anymore?"

"What I said," Maura said and through her tears she looked up at Jane. "Things have changed, Jane. Like I said, we're not the same people we were then. We've changed. I have and I can see you have too." She sadly smiled. "Now I know for sure."

"What are you saying?" Jane asked, suddenly alarmed by the way Maura's words sounded in her head. She wanted to stop her from leaving, no matter how angry and hurt she was. She wasn't sure she could bear the thought of watching her walk out again. "Maura, what do you mean?"

Maura's hand unexpectedly found Jane's and the burning sensation that rushed through her whole body startled the dark haired detective. She looked at Maura's fingers effortlessly entwining with her own before finding Maura's eyes again with her own. Maura gently squeezed Jane's hand before pulling back, leaving Jane with the desire that all she wanted was to pull her back, to hold her hand again.

"You don't have to worry about me anymore, Jane. A year is a long time and a person can change so much," Maura said softly.

"What…"

Maura's eyes swam with tears as the words rolled from her lips. "I've let you go, Jane."

"Maura…"

"I'm sorry, Jane. I'm sorry for everything I said, everything I did. I know that the way you look at me has changed but know that all I ever wanted was for you to be happy. I knew I couldn't be here to witness that happiness and I am sorry if I hurt you," Maura cut her off. Suddenly there was a coldness to her voice, as if she realised something she hadn't thought about before, and her eyes found Jane's. "I'll do my best to make our time working together as pleasant as possible. I'm sure we can both maintain a professional working relationship."

Before Jane could stop her she was gone. She was left standing in the open door of the apartment as Maura disappeared into the elevators. Jane just stared down the empty corridor for several minutes before slowly closing the door and looking around her mother's apartment. Maura had said she'd let her go. She had apologised for everything. She'd said she let Jane go.

They were separate people now. They were alone.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Cavanaugh ordered her to take the rest of the week off and after spending three days on her mother's couch eating pizza and watching daytime TV, Jane finally returned to her own apartment. Frankie brought Jo Friday that same night and Jane was glad to be back in the comfort of her own home. She didn't want to do anything else but crash on her couch, eat junk food and watch TV so when her brother suggested they'd go to the Dirty Robber she manhandled him out of the door. The pain in her abdomen had finally begun to wear off and although the bruise had changed from purple to a ghastly yellow and green, Jane felt better for it.

It seemed so easy going back to work. She would just turn up and get on with it. The no-nonsense attitude was something Jane used to pride herself on. Although she'd thought about Maura a lot while she was at home, she knew she'd have to push herself through it somehow. She had considered calling Maura but whenever she picked up her cellphone she couldn't think of anything to say. Maura didn't contact her either. Maybe this was what they were now. Two people that had drifted apart and now floated around on the big wide ocean looking for a way back to port. Maura's words echoed in Jane's mind for days. "I've let you go, Jane."

Jane didn't know whether she felt angry or sad. The questions remained unanswered. Had she been selfish? Had Maura? Had they both been wrong when Maura came to her mother's apartment? They head drifted apart before, after Jane shot Paddy Doyle, but back then she had felt it wasn't permanent. Now she wasn't so sure. She'd had a chance to tell Maura how she felt but she could see that Maura wasn't the same woman she once knew. She seemed harder now. Like she too now wore a mask. Maybe this was how it was meant to be. Sometimes life forced people to take a different road.

Jane continued to ask herself these questions until Monday came and she faced one of the perks of being a homicide detective; being called out of bed a little before 4 a.m. in the morning. She pulled up at the crime scene just after half past four, clutching a cup of coffee from the only coffee shop in the area that was open twenty-four-seven. She needed the caffeine after a crappy three hours of sleep because she stayed up too late watching some eighties horror movie. Jane suppressed a yawn as she ducked under the yellow police tape, flashing her badge at the uniformed police officer when he went to challenge her. She followed the sound of Korsak's voice and found him standing over the naked body of a young man.

"Well, guess it wasn't his lucky night," Jane commented as she inspected the large gaping hole in the victim's head. "Didn't anyone tell him that running around naked isn't a good idea in this neighbourhood?"

"Is it a good idea anywhere else?" Korsak asked and arched an eyebrow. Jane met his gaze and smirked. He smiled too and slapped her on the shoulder. "Good to see you, Jane."

She smiled. "Thanks. Though I could have done with a little extra sleep." Her eyes darted around the street. They were standing in an alley between two clubs. It was littered with trash and it stank of urine and alcohol. She wrinkled her nose and looked back to Korsak. "Do we know who he is?"

"He isn't carrying any ID that I can see," Korsak answered and a smile tugged at his lips. "Hasn't got pockets either."

"Where's Frost?" Jane wanted to know.

"Canvassing," Korsak answered. "Both clubs have security videos. It's a long shot but it may tell us how he ended up here. Somehow I don't think he walked."

"I don't see any blood," Jane said as she managed to slide her hands into a pair of gloves and kneeled down beside the body. She was careful not to touch but there was no blood anywhere else in the alley. Jane's dark eyes scanned their surroundings. A couple of crime scene investigators were already placing numbers across the alley. "I don't see his clothes either. Ten bucks says that one of those security videos will show his body being dumped here."

Korsak rubbed the back of his neck. "Would help if it showed the killer's face too."

"C'mon, Korsak, if our job was that easy we wouldn't have so many unsolved cases on our desk."

Jane brushed a strand of hair out of her face when she recognised the sound of high heels clicking against the pavement. She looked up to find Maura approaching from the other side of the road. The streetlight briefly illuminated Maura's face and instantly her heart sank. They hadn't seen each other since the day Maura came to her mother's apartment to talk. Jane had only started work again today but Maura had returned before the weekend. She straightened her spine and set her jaw as Maura lifted the yellow crime scene tape. The next second her eyes had found Jane and she seemed to freeze.

"Uh oh," Korsak said and he stepped closer to Jane. "You did know, didn't you? That she was back?"

"I knew," Jane said slowly and swallowed. "I knew." She glanced at the older detective and took his arm, forcing him to turn away from Maura. "Did you just assume I knew or were you going to tell me eventually in case I didn't?"

"Good morning, detectives," Maura interrupted them and Jane turned back around. Their eyes found each other again and the tension shifted. They looked at each other as Jane fumbled with her hands, finally choosing to push them into her pockets instead. Maura averted her eyes and kneeled down beside the victim after putting on her own gloves. Jane watched how she inspected the large gaping wound in the victim's skull.

"Signs of blunt force trauma to the head and face," Maura observed. Her eyes trailed over the victim's naked body. "Signs of trauma across the abdomen too." Her gaze snapped up at Jane, as if she suddenly remembered the injury Jane had suffered the week before. The tone of her voice shifted slightly as she took the victim's liver temperature. As she pulled the thermometer out , leaving behind a perfect yet tiny hole in the victim's abdomen, she looked up at Korsak. "He's been dead about five to six hours."

"So between half past ten and midnight," Jane concluded and looked at Korsak. Narrowing down the timeline could help them find out who their victim was. She didn't focus on Maura as she gave instructions about the body being wrapped up for transport. "Someone gave him one hell of a beating."

Korsak glanced at the victim's naked body. Under the dried blood and bruises it was clear to see that he had once been an attractive young man. Now his nose was broken, his lips swollen and several teeth appeared to be missing. Both eyes were beaten shut and the large hole on the side of his head had been what finally released him from the abusive torment. He had been left here, naked, humiliated in the most horrible way possible, and the humiliation was far from over. Soon he'd be lying on an autopsy table where a scalpel would slice through his flesh, exposing him even more than he already was.

"Someone must have been angry."

"I'll be performing the autopsy as soon as possible," Maura said, drawing the attention back to her. Her eyes singled out Jane. "You'll be there?"

"Of course." Jane sounded reserved and she wanted to say something else but Maura had already turned around and followed the body to the coroner's van. From where she stood Jane watched her sign the required paperwork that allowed for the body to be transported and she heaved a sigh. She hadn't expected it to be this hard. She wasn't sure what she had expected but to see the distant look in Maura's eyes and be on the receiving end of her closed demeanour was something Jane wasn't used to.

"Did you two talk?" Korsak asked when he noticed Jane's gaze lingering on Maura.

"Something like that," Jane muttered and averted her eyes when Maura walked away from the van and crossed the road to her own car. Clad in a knee length burgundy dress and her hair pulled back into a bun in the back of her neck, Maura looked professional, collected and reserved. The hint of hurt in her voice when she spoke didn't remain unnoticed to Korsak. "I guess it is kinda hard to swallow when your best friend walks out on you to go to Africa and doesn't tell you."

"You found anything?" Korsak asked when he spotted Frost walking towards them. The younger detective shook his head.

"Apparently there was a party in one of the clubs last night. Music was loud. Some of the residents complained and a patrol car came by at quarter past eleven. Body wasn't here then." Frost double checked his notepad. "They left at 11.43 and there was no sign of the body. Party in the club ended just after two o'clock this morning. The owner will meet us at the station with a list of guests."

"So if the party ended early this morning and the officers left at a quarter to twelve, the body must have been dumped here afterwards," Jane said and looked around the alleyway as if to find the answer to her question. "Maura said time of death was most likely between half past ten and midnight." Her eyes found Frost and he read her mind. "What did the killer do with the body in the meanwhile?"

"Once the clubs close this place gets quiet," Korsak said. The street they were standing on wasn't residential. There were some small apartments above a handful of the bars of clubs scattered around this part of town. People came here to party, not to live. "Not many people about here in the day. If it hadn't been for the fact that the guy who found the body left the house of the girl he picked up last night, it's likely that the body wouldn't have been found till much later."

"Could be something the killer was counting on," Jane said. Her eyes were drawn back to the other side of the road. Maura's Prius was parked right behind her sedan. The light was on and she could see Maura making notes. She sighed and swallowed the sudden hard lump in her throat away. She looked at Korsak. "Could you excuse me for a moment?"

She crossed the road and knocked on the window of Maura's car. The other woman looked up and lowered her window when she recognised Jane. Something in her chest jolted and she silently reprimanded herself. She slid back into her professional role with ease. "Can I help you, detective Rizzoli?"

"Really?!" Jane hissed when she heard how Maura addressed her. She blinked a few times and leant against the car door. She hadn't expected things to be like this. "What the hell are you doing, Maura?"

"My job," Maura answered, her tone sharper than she had intended. Hazel eyes found coffee coloured orbs. "Why don't you do yours?"

"Why don't I do…," Jane repeated and shook her head as the words registered. "You came to Ma's apartment telling me that you thought we could carry on having some kind of professional relationship. I come onto a crime scene and this is the way act towards me?" When Maura looked at her Jane continued. "Obviously you were wrong because this… _this _is not a professional relationship!"

"Is isn't?" Maura asked and arched an eyebrow. She saw the flash of hurt behind Jane's eyes and the realisation that she was the cause of that made her feel guilty. "Then what is it, Jane?"

"Hey, I'm not the one who walked out on you!" Jane sneered. "None of this is my fault, Maura!" She released the breath she didn't even realise she'd been holding. Looking at the honeyblonde woman and seeing someone who was once her friend, made her hurt. There, in the middle of street, Jane was confronted by the feeling of missing Maura, missing what they once had. "Listen, I just wanna pretend that everything's going to be fine." Dark eyes found hazel brown. They were softer now. "Can you do that with me?"

Maura's answer didn't sound convincing. The distance between her and Jane couldn't be any bigger. They were miles apart. "I can try."

"Good," Jane said and she tried to smile. Her gaze still held Maura's and they looked at each other as around them the seconds began to tick away. "Good."

"I have to get back to the morgue," Maura said suddenly and the window slowly went back up. She averted her eyes, leaving Jane no choice but to admit that the moment between them had passed. "I have a body waiting to be examined."

"Somehow I don't think he'll be going anywhere anytime soon," Jane said sarcastically but stepped away from the car when Maura's engine started and she put the vehicle in reverse. Jane watched how she manoeuvred the car out the parking spot and quickly vanished into the distance. She watched the taillights fade in the dark.

Maura's hands clutched the wheel so tight that her knuckles turned white. She glanced in the rear view mirror and couldn't see Jane anymore. She slowly relaxed, loosening her grip on the wheel, and shifted in her seat as she came to a stop in front of a red traffic light. She had been dreading this moment ever since she left Angela's apartment days earlier. She and Jane hadn't reached an agreement about what would happen from now on. They had just parted, with too many things left unsaid.

She didn't know why she had been so cold to Jane. The second she had laid eyes on her at the crime scene something stirred inside of her. It was like a wake-up call. She'd told Jane she'd let her go. She meant it. Twelve months in a tent in Africa had given her what she needed; closure. She couldn't allow herself to fall like she had once done before. She was the type of person not to make the same mistake twice, no matter how much it hurt. She couldn't let herself love Jane anymore.

~()~

"C'mon, we had those fingerprints three hours ago! How could you not have found a match anywhere?" Jane whined. She leant over the back of Frost's chair, much to his irritation, and stared at his computer screen. The prints from their victim were on half of the screen and AFIS was running on the other side but no match had shown up. The facial recognition software hadn't given them any hits either and Jane was slowly becoming more and more frustrated. There had to be some way of finding out who the dead guy on Maura's autopsy table was.

"Hoe about CODIS?" Korsak suggested and Jane looked up.

"I haven't got a DNA sample yet." She had avoided going to the autopsy. She has avoided seeing Maura. She hadn't called for Jane to come down either. It seemed the feeling was mutual.

Korsak furrowed his brow. "You haven't gone down to pick it up? The lab called half an hour ago."

"You go and get it then," Jane said and rolled her eyes. Korsak got out of his seat and left the squad room. Jane's eyes remained peeled on the computer screen, silently willing it to give her a match. She heaved a sigh as another dozen sets of prints flashed across the screen without providing an answer. She shook her head.

"The guy's like a ghost."

Frost's head snapped up and he narrowed his eyes. "What did you say?"

"I said that this guy's like a ghost. No missing person's report has been filed for someone matching his description, the facial recognition software hasn't picked him out and AFIS can't find a match," Jane groaned. "CODIS is only going to find him if he's already in the system. It's like he doesn't exist."

"Have you got that headshot Maura took in the lab?" Frost asked and Jane pulled it from out the file lying next to her. Frost put it under the scanner and opened another window. A few seconds later the same picture appeared. He hit a couple of keys and saved it onto his computer before turning to Jane. "No fingerprints, no facial recognition and no ID. We can't him anywhere. What does that tell you?"

"Witness Protection?" Jane suggested. "That's why you wanted the photo, right? You're gonna send it to the Marshalls?"

"Worth a shot," Frost answered. "I mean, if he is someone in Witness Protection it would make sense for us not to be able to find him."

Jane leant against Frost's desk. "You'd think the Marshalls would know if one of their people's missing."

"And make themselves look bad?" Frost asked. "Those people don't like to embarrass themselves."

"Maybe." Jane scratched the back of her head and left his desk to walk back to her own. From there she looked back at his partner. "I don't like the feel of this, Frost. Something doesn't add up."

"For something not to add up we have to find something first."

"Look at you, Detective McSmarty Pants," Jane teased and chuckled to herself. She picked up a pencil and started making notes on a spare piece of paper she found lying around on her desk, starting with the location where the body was found. She added that to the fact they couldn't find any matches in any of their systems and raked her brain about the possible reasons why. She was only roused from her thoughts when she recognised the sound of heels against lino and looked up to find Maura standing beside her desk. She quickly glanced past the medical examiner but Frost was hiding behind his computer screen so she looked up. A little smile played around Maura's lips.

"I have the autopsy results," she said as she handed Jane the file.

"Korsak was on his way down, you could have given them to him. It would have saved you a trip," Jane said whilst studying the outcome of the post-mortem. She didn't see how the smile on Maura's face faltered. She flicked through the pages and a frown appeared on her face. Some of the results surprised her so much that she tore her eyes away from the paperwork and looked back up at Maura. "You found signs of sexual activity?"

"Yes," Maura specified. "I found semen on his thigh and on his back."

"I don't think I want to know how it got there," Jane muttered.

"It wasn't his."

"Excuse me?" Jane's eyes snapped up.

Maura took in Jane's slightly puzzled expression. "The DNA I found on the victim's body doesn't match with his own DNA. The semen came from a separate donor."

"So our victim was with a man before he died," Jane concluded. "Signs of sexual assault?"

"Not as such," Maura explained and pointed at several markers on the body map Jane held in her hand. Her arm brushed against Jane's and both women jumped at the sudden electricity between them. Their eyes found each other and Jane found herself almost instantly drowning in Maura's bedroom eyes. There was something about the way she looked that made her go weak inside. She cleared her throat and looked back at the body map.

"I found signs of prolonged sexual activity. Some anal tearing and other signs that indicate recent intercourse," Maura said. There wasn't a hint of embarrassment in her voice. "This young man clearly had a very active sex life. I also found lubricant on his genitals, consistent with the type used in most condoms and the bruises around his wrists and ankles were most likely caused by being tied up. I found small pieces of silk embedded in his skin. The restraints must have been on for some time."

"Was this some sex game gone wrong?" Jane wondered out loud and studied the body map some more. "Someone must not have been happy with foreplay."

"I don't believe this!" Frost called out and both and Jane and Maura turned around. He looked at the two women. "Not a single match in the whole of AFIS. I tried everything but there's nothing."

"Isn't that odd?" Maura asked.

"It's more than odd," Jane corrected her. "It is downright weird." She chewed her nail and then looked back at Frost. "Hey, I know this a long shot but could you email that photo to all the other departments too? I don't know, maybe some other cop knows him. If he was as sexually active as Maura makes him out to be, maybe he's a male hooker."

"A hooker without a record?" Frost asked and grinned. "Now there's a first."

"Just do it," Jane said and put the autopsy report down. "Where the hell is Korsak with the DNA?"

"Jane?" Maura asked, lowering her voice so that nobody else in the squad room could overhear them. "I was wondering…" There was a hesitation and when Jane looked up she saw something in Maura's eyes she hadn't seen since she first came back. "Can we… I mean… would you like to go to the Dirty Robber after work?"

Jane blinked. She remembered the medical examiner's cold demeanour at the crime scene. "What are you trying to do, Maura?"

"Nothing," Maura answered and a light pink blush spread across her cheeks. She averted her eyes, betraying that she had struggled eve even ask the question. "I just… we used to…"

"We used to do a lot of things," Jane said and looked back at the paperwork on her desk. "I'll call you later."

"Sure," Maura said softly and turned around. Jane listened to the sound of her heels disappearing across the squad room floor before looking up and over her shoulder. Maura was gone. She felt Frosts' eyes on her and looked at her partner.

"I take it you two aren't talking to each other," Frost concluded. "You can cut that tension with a knife!"

"Did you actually go to the Academy or did you find your badge in a Happy Meal?" Jane asked. "Maura and I…." She had never told her partner what Maura had written in her letter. She didn't know why. Maybe it was because she didn't want to embarrass Maura or maybe because she didn't want to embarrass herself. She took a deep breath. "It's complicated and it's none of your business anyway."

She looked back at the paperwork in front of her and promised to herself she would have to call Maura later.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's note**: I don't know where to start. The reviews, the comments - both on here and the video- have been wonderful. this story is about to take off into a different direction than I had originally intended - thanks to some crazy brainwave I got- but having written the next few chapters, I am actually kind of excited - if that doesn't make me sound arrogant. If it does, I apologise. I didn't plan a particular length for this story but it looks like we'll be here a while. I hope you will enjoy it as much as I do. I know many of you want some happiness and I promise you, it will come. All in good time but it will happen.

* * *

**Chapter 9**

She missed the phone call because she was summoned to another homicide and didn't get back till after ten o'clock that night. She sent an apology by text and Maura replied saying she'd call Jane instead. The second call was forgotten when a touring car crashed and Maura's morgue filled up with bodies. A third attempt became a cancellation altogether when Jo Friday vomited all over Jane's living room floor. They moved past each other like ships in the night, occasionally seeing each other in the corridors or the cafeteria. Whenever Jane came in Maura would leave and the other way around. They said hello but their gazes rarely locked. That first attempt of rekindling some of their friendship soon got buried under a mountain of work and a pile of empty promises. After four days they had both stopped saying "I'll call you." The phone calls never came.

Jane stepped out of the elevator and walked into the squad room, passing Cavanaugh's office. As she walked past the door it flung open and her lieutenant walked out. "Rizzoli!"

She turned around. "Yes?"

"Step inside a moment?" Lieutenant Cavanaugh asked and Jane slowly walked towards his office. In her head she was going over the events of the past few days. As far as she was aware she hadn't done anything that deserved reprimanding. A nervous feeling settled in her chest as she stepped over the threshold into her lieutenant's office.

"Doctor Isles, thank you for your time," Cavanaugh said and Jane's eyes snapped to one of the two arms chairs by Cavanaugh's desk. Maura stood up and her eyes briefly found Jane's. They looked at each other but Jane couldn't read Maura's expression. The honey blonde medical examiner smiled discreetly before filing past Jane and stepping out of the door. She turned around one last time to look at Jane. Their gazes locked and the world seemed to come to an unexpected standstill. For an everlasting second there was only them. Then Cavanaugh closed the door and she was gone.

"What was Maura doing here?" Jane asked suspiciously as she followed her lieutenant around with her eyes. She couldn't remember there ever having been a moment where Maura had set foot in Cavanaugh's office.

"Doctor Isles was updating me on the case of your John Doe," Cavanaugh answered as he sank into his chair. "Have a seat, Rizzoli."

Jane didn't sit. "Is there something Doctor Isles couldn't share with me?" she questioned and rubbed the palms of her hands together. All her defences kicked in and her cop instinct immediately told her something else was going on here. "I am the lead detective on John Doe's case. Doctor Isles' findings should be discussed with me."

"Sit down, Rizzoli," Cavanaugh said, stricter this time. "This isn't a turf war and Doctor Isles didn't tell me anything that you don't already know."

Jane cocked her head. "Then why was she here?"

Cavanaugh folded his hands on his desk and his grey eyes lingered on Jane Rizzoli. Although a handful at times, she was one of the best detectives he had. When he transferred to Homicide after taking over from Joey Grant, he'd heard about Jane's reputation. She was one of those detectives others talked about when she wasn't there. Her dealings with Charles Hoyt, the serial killer, were well known amongst those working at BPD but Sean Cavanaugh had been surprised to find a warm, kind and caring woman where he had expected a bitter, hard and cold individual.

"What I am about to tell you doesn't leave this room, you understand, Rizzoli?" he asked and Jane nodded. The serious tone of his voice told her that something was happening, something big. "Nothing of what you're told is to be discussed with Detectives Frost and Korsak or your brother Frankie. This information is to remain confidential at all times."

"Of course, sir," Jane said rather subdued.

"Your John Doe is no longer a John Doe," Cavanaugh said and he reached into the top drawer of his desk. He took out a file and pushed it across his desk towards Jane. "He was identified two days ago as Jonathan McGregor." There was a pause that gave Jane just enough time to open the file and look at the picture on the first page. The stoic looking young man she saw did resemble the body down in the morgue but it was hard to recognise him considering the amount of bruising.

"He was a cop."

Jane's eyes widened and her head snapped up. "What?!"

"Detective McGregor was working a joined deep cover operation run by Vice and Narcotics," Cavanaugh said. "The alarm was raised when a picture of the body was sent to all the departments." Jane realised that he meant the picture Frost had sent around. "Vice lost contact with McGregor the night of the killing but it took them two days to establish whether he was still alive. Apparently it wasn't unusual for him not to make contact for a couple of days but he always turned up eventually. When he failed to meet his handler, they knew something was wrong and it was only then that they approached Homicide with the information that was a detective."

"Oh my God," Jane whispered and covered her mouth with her hand. She had only ever worked a handful of cases where a cop got murdered. Any death was horrible but the death of one of their own always rocked the whole BPD to its very core. "Do we know what the undercover operation was about?"

"I had a meeting with the captains from Vice and Narcotics last night and they shared whatever information they could. They've had to pull out all their undercover agents because they can't guarantee their covers haven't been compromised. McGregor knew who else was working the same operation and they can't risk him having given up the names of the other detectives while he was tortured," Cavanaugh said and took a deep breath. "They are trying to dismantle a high end prostitution ring that is most likely also a cover for a large cocaine business."

"Wait, Vice and Narcotics are running this thing_ together_?" Jane asked. If there was one thing cops were notoriously bad at, it was sharing the credit for a high profile bust. Some cases overlapped and it always ended up in a bunch of grown men acting like six year old children. She rubbed the back of her head as she let the information sink in. Homicide had walked into something big. "How many people are involved?"

"Apart from McGregor there were two more officers working inside the organisation. McGregor was Vice, focusing on the prostitution and escort end of the ring. The other two were from Narcotics and were focusing on the drugs. Vice learnt that the organisation is supplying escorts to high end clients, like lawyers and even judges. They blackmail those who hired the escorts and use that to get those suspected of drug trafficking out of jail."

"So it's a corruption ring too?" Jane asked, glancing back down at the young detective's face. "I can't deny they've got a good little game going. They supply the bait and when their target takes it, they blackmail them."

"Very much so," Cavanaugh explained. "Vice suspects that some of the escorts are brought into the country illegally."

"So they're not only trafficking drugs, they're trafficking people as well. Was McGregor working as an escort?" Jane asked the question carefully. "Maura found evidence that suggests…"

"Yes," Cavanaugh answered slowly. "When McGregor started at Vice he stated that he was gay and had no issues using his sexuality in a sting operation if it was so required. It isn't the way operations are normally run but in this case, Vice decided to take it a step further. It is alleged that many of the male high end clients prefer male escorts but obviously that isn't something they'd like to see plastered all over the tabloids."

"Obviously," Jane said. "Where do we go from here? I mean, looking at the level of violence, my guess is that someone found out McGregor was a cop and silenced him." Her eyes were drawn back to the picture. "For good."

A knock on the door made that Cavanaugh didn't answer and Jane looked over her shoulder to find two men entering his office. Both were dressed in suits and she recognised their faces. She didn't know them personally but she had seen them in passing.

"Detective Rizzoli, these are Lieutenant Copperfield from Vice and Lieutenant Harding from Narcotics," Cavanaugh said and Jane stood up from her chair to shake their hands. She held Harding's gaze a little longer. He was the guy who'd taken over from her old boss. He'd left not long after Jane transferred to Homicide. He met her gaze and gave a curd nod.

"I've heard a lot of things about you, Rizzoli."

"Don't believe everything you hear," Jane said with half a smile and glanced back at Cavanaugh, "I'll leave you to it, Lieutenant. Just let me know what you want me to do and…"

"Stay, Rizzoli," Cavanaugh said, much to her surprise. "There's a reason I called you in here."

"Sir?" Jane questioned and slowly sat back down in her chair. Lieutenant Copperfield took the other chair and Harding leant against the wall. She felt their eyes on her, as if she was suddenly on a meat market, and the hairs in the back of her neck rose up. She put her hands flat against her legs and straightened her spine. Her eyes darkened just enough to make both visitors away that she wasn't going to let herself be messed with.

"The death of detective McGregor forced us to cancel our undercover operation," Lieutenant Copperfield began and Jane's eyes snapped in his direction. He didn't speak with a Bostonian accent. He sounded Southern. "We couldn't risk the lives of our other two detectives just in case McGregor outed them to his attacker. We have reason to believe he was killed because he was a cop."

"I came to that same conclusion," Jane said.

"Detective Rizzoli, when was the last time you were part of a large undercover operation?" Harding asked and Jane's eyes found his.

"The drug bust in South Boston that led to the arrest of the Black Clover gang," Jane reminded him. The image of herself dressed up as a hooker flooded back into her mind. It was instantly followed by the memory of Maura trying to pay for her coffee in the cafeteria. It was how they had met. She swallowed hard, forcing the memory back to the darker corners of her mind. An unnerving feeling crept up on her. "Homicide doesn't require many undercover operations, Lieutenant."

Harding stepped forward and briefly made eye contact with Cavanaugh before handing Jane a file. She noticed the silent interaction between the two men and judging from Cavanaugh's face it looked like he didn't have much of a say in this. She held her tongue, biting it to stop herself from speaking, and flicked through the paperwork now lying in her lap. Pages of personal information, bank cards, credit cards, drivers licence and a house key.

"No!" she said and her dark eyes snapped up. When she found Cavanaugh looking at her she shook her head. The raspy edge to her voice, only there when she got upset, returned. "Lieutenant, NO!"

"It is not a choice, Rizzoli."

"But I'm Homicide!" Jane looked at Harding and Copperfield. "Haven't they got detectives of their own who can do this?"

"We're running three deep cover operations at the same time," Harding said sharply. "Most of my men are currently risking their lives infiltrating two different drug cartels. We are expecting a shipment of cocaine within the next week. I haven't got enough manpower to cover this as well." He shook his head. "I'm not asking you to do this, Rizzoli. I'm telling you."

"We have created your identity for you. You'll be using one of the safe houses set up by Vice. You'll have your own handler and you'll be wearing a wire everywhere you go," Copperfield said and Jane stared down at the paperwork. She should have known something bad was going to happen when she stepped into Cavanaugh's office. Nothing good ever came from having her ass hauled in here. She leant back in her chair and closed her eyes. Dark ringlets cascaded down her back.

"How long?" she sighed.

"We don't know."

"You don't know?! How do you…?!" Jane sat bolt upright and stared at the men in the room, wide eyed. "How the hell do you expect me to do this?!"

"You're off the case," Cavanaugh said. When he saw the way she looked at him he shook his head. "I'm sorry, Rizzoli. They need someone who's worked drug operations before but most of all they need a woman."

Jane's eyes snapped back down to her paperwork. "An escort?!" She looked back up. "Are you out of your mind? Nobody's going to hire…" She pointed at herself. There was absolutely nothing feminine or attractive about the way she looked. The black slacks and matching blazer were work attire and the tank top she wore underneath she wore because it was easy. She didn't care about her appearance, didn't wear make-up to work and she certainly didn't like wearing dresses. "…_this_!"

"The arrangements will be made for you, you can rest assured," Copperfield answered. Jane could have sworn she saw a grin on his face and she smacked the file down on the table so hard that he jumped in his seat. Blazing eyes found his and he seemed momentarily taken aback.

"Do I get any say in this whatsoever?" Jane asked and looked at Cavanaugh. "Was this your idea, Lieutenant?"

"Actually, the idea was mine," Harding answered. His voice was soft and calm, unlike the pompous attitude from Copperfield. Kind blue eyes had fixed on Jane and he took in the detective's reservations about what was asked from her. "I heard some good things about you from when you were still working Narcotics, detective. I needed someone who is good." He paused. "People still talk about that bust in South Boston. It wouldn't have gone down hadn't it been for you. I need the best for this operation and I asked Lieutenant Cavanaugh for you."

"Oh." Jane's eyes dropped into her lap and she felt some of the initial anger subside. "I see."

"We need you to find out who McGregor was with the night he died. He told us that he had several high profile clients, two of which are prosecutors and both are married with children. Their wives obviously don't know but according to McGregor there are pictures. They meet at prearranged places, like lofts and hotel rooms, most likely they're bugged with cameras. That's how they get the pictures." Harding pushed himself away from the wall and started pacing the room. "McGregor was supplied with drugs on numerous occasions and was hired to several parties where he noticed many of the escorts do not speak English."

"Hence the human trafficking," Jane concluded. "Who runs this thing anyway?"

"Her name is Madeleine McKenna," Copperfield answered. He pulled a picture from another file and gave it to Jane. "She's the daughter of a wealthy property developer. When he died, she got all the money. She runs a fashion business but it's all just a front for her real work; the escort service. Girls and boys are hired at so called fashion events and she'll throw parties where elite guests are surrounded by escorts. They pay a fee to enter, what happens after that is up to the costumer and the escort."

"What about the drugs?"

"A lot of stuff comes in from Mexico," Harding answered. "Something tells me it's not just fabrics she's receiving."

"But you've pulled your two detectives out?" Jane asked. "Who will be focusing on the drugs part if I am to find out who killed McGregor? That leaves me on the escort side of things, maybe the human trafficking but it won't bring me anywhere near the drugs. Who's doing that?"

"By the end of the week one of our stings will end. I'll have manpower to spare to set up a new operation," Harding replied. "Until then, the main focus is Vice."

Jane nodded. "So who knows about this?"

"The four people in this room," Cavanaugh answered. "We cannot risk anyone else knowing. If the corruption is as far spread as we think it is, we can't trust anyone."

"What about Frost and Korsak?" Jane asked and looked from Cavanaugh to Harding and Copperfield and back. "And Doctor Isles? They'll expect me to work the case with them."

"They'll be told your on loan to Vice until further notice," Cavanaugh asked. "Detectives Frost and Korsak can cover your cases in your absence. Doctor Isles…" He paused when he noticed how Jane flinched in her chair and he took a deep breath. "She doesn't have to know. This doesn't concern her."

"Can I at least talk to my mother?" Jane asked.

"I'll see to that," Cavanaugh answered. "For now, I want you to go home, read the case files and the reports from the other detectives. Your handler will contact you tonight to discuss the details of your operation and you'll be transferred to your new location."

Jane looked at the house key in the package of information and sighed. She should have known they weren't going to let her stay in her little apartment. Half of BPD knew where she lived. "I guess this means my fingerprints will be erased from the system too, just like McGregor's? Nobody will be able to track me down as a cop?"

"It's already done," Cavanaugh said. "I know you can pull this off, Rizzoli."

"I hope you're right," Jane said and through her eyelashes she looked at Cavanaugh. They had a strained relationship at best, especially after finding out that he had been sort of seeing her mother, but she respected him. He knew her skills and he knew her talents but at the same time he knew her weaknesses too and Jane didn't like to think that anybody knew those. She pushed herself out of her seat and looked around the office.

"Good luck," Copperfield said. "I think we'll be seeing a lot of each other in the forthcoming days."

"Just get your handler to contact me so I won't have to deal with your lousy attitude," Jane hissed, only loud enough for him to hear. She looked back at Cavanaugh. "If you see Doctor Isles, could you tell her about this, please? Since I can't discuss this with anyone else…" Her eyes reflected a hint of sadness. "I don't think she'd understand if suddenly I wasn't here anymore."

"What is she, your girlfriend?" Copperfield asked bluntly.

"Shut up before I make you," Jane sneered and glanced back at Cavanaugh. He nodded and she opened the door. She didn't say goodbye. Saying goodbye meant being civilised and Jane didn't feel like being civilised. She felt victimised. She was angry. In fact, she was infuriated. She walked with strong steps, anger evident in her stride, towards the elevator and slammed her fist against the button. As the doors slid open, a familiar hint of perfume tickled her senses and she turned around to find Maura walking towards her. Even from where she stood Jane could see the worry in her eyes.

"Jane, is everything allright?" Maura asked.

"Yeah, fine," Jane growled and stepped into the elevator. To her surprise Maura held the door and their eyes found each other. The back of her throat became dry and she mentally chastised herself. She wasn't supposed to feel or act this way.

"What did Lieutenant Cavanaugh want?" Maura asked. "He didn't seem in too good a mood this morning."

Jane fumbled with her hands. "No kidding."

"Jane..."

"Look, Maura, I can't talk about it, OK?" Jane said sharply. Too sharply. She saw the medical examiner's eyes widen and Maura's hand slipped from the door. She took a small step back, distancing herself from Jane. She looked hurt. Jane immediately felt guilty and stepped toward, preventing the door from closing. Unexpectedly she took Maura's arm and pulled her closer. It surprised both of them but neither backed off. Jane's brown eyes pierced into Maura's hazel and she whispered, "If you want an answer, go talk to Cavanaugh."

"What?" Maura whispered. "What are you saying?"

"Talk to Cavanaugh," Jane said softly and pleading eyes looked up at Maura. "I want to tell you but I can't, Maura. I can't."

She let go of the medical examiner when she noticed the Lieutenants Copperfield and Harding appearing down the hall and stepped further back into the elevator. Maura just looked at her, not quite understanding what had just happened between them, but she watched as the doors slowly closed, withdrawing Jane from her sight. Something didn't feel right about this. Maura turned on her heel and found the two men now right behind her. The taller of the two looked at her.

"Doctor Isles, I presume?"

She set her jaw. It was something she'd learnt from Jane. "Who's asking?"

"Lieutenant Brian Copperfield, Vice," he introduced himself and extended his hand.

Maura tentatively shook it before excusing herself. "I'm sorry, there's somewhere I need to be." Without giving the two detectives a second glance Maura started down the hallway until she reached Cavanaugh's office. She glanced over her shoulder to find the two men looking at her and she straightened herself up and knocked. She was going to do what Jane told her to do.

Get answers.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's note:** This story - in my opinion- attempts to reflect how easy it is to drift apart as well as how easy it is for life to get in the way when you're trying to build something back up. I will ease your minds and tell you that things will start coming together fairly soon - maybe as early as this chapter...

* * *

**Chapter 10**

Jane slammed the door to her apartment shut behind her. The bang echoed around, bouncing off the walls. She stood completely still for several seconds, waiting for the sound to fade. All that was left now was the silence. Jane sighed and carefully put the chain on the door before removing her gun and badge and leaving them on the side table. She then walked into her kitchen, opened the fridge and took the bottle of orange juice she'd opened earlier that morning. She took a large gulp, swallowed, and took another one. She then wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and leant against the kitchen counter.

Her head was a mess. She'd left BPD after walking out of Cavanaugh's office. She'd gone straight home but now that she was here she felt trapped. The news of the undercover operation had rattled her. The fact that she was not given a choice angered her. She felt used and betrayed. She'd expected Cavanaugh to have had her back but instead he had handed her over to Vice and Narcotics like she was nothing more than a piece of meat.

Jane ran her hands through her hair and tried to make sense out of the thoughts running through her head. Everything came back to Maura. She kept coming back to that moment outside the elevator when she had looked up into the medical examiner's eyes and had seen the worry. Maura had stepped away from her when she snapped but when Jane pulled her closer, she had responded. Jane looked down at her hand. It was that hand that had grabbed hold of Maura. Her gaze lingered on the unsightly scars. The trauma with Hoyt had brought her and Maura so much closer together.

_To hell with it, _she thought and reached into her pocket. She took out her cell phone and smiled momentarily at the picture of her and her mother that appeared as her background. Without really thinking she scrolled through her contacts until she found Maura's name and hit the call button. She paced around her living room as she anxiously waited for Maura to answer.

Her heart skipped a beat when she recognised Maura's voice on the other side of the line. "Jane?"

"Maura…," Jane tested the name, as if to determine whether it was allright to address Maura this way or whether she preferred to be called Doctor Isles but Maura had called her by her first name so she did the same. "Sorry, is this a bad time?"

"No, not at all," Maura answered. She sounded unusually perky and Jane remembered that they were supposed to have met up for drinks in the Dirty Robber. She cursed herself for doing this, realising that Maura was most likely expecting an invitation for a drink. Jane's eyes desperately danced around her apartment. She didn't want to disappointment Maura but she hadn't called to ask her to meet up with her.

"Did you… did you speak to Cavanaugh?" Jane asked. She had reached the window and stared out of the glass. The quiet residential street she lived on was void of cars. Most of the residents had gone to work. She recognised her neighbour's car. Shannon was a nurse and she worked nights. She turned away from the window and looked around her empty living room.

"Yes," Maura replied. "He seemed surprised I even knew you'd spoken to him."

Jane chewed the inside of her lip and imagined Maura sitting in her office, perhaps at her desk or on that god awful red designer chair Jane hated so much. "I'm sorry, Maura. I shouldn't have asked you to go and see him but…" She paused, suddenly aware of the heavy pounding of her heart ringing in her ears. "Cavanaugh's asked me to do something and I don't have a choice but to do it. I just… I just didn't want you to think that I was deliberately avoiding you."

"Avoiding me?" Maura asked. "Why would I think you'd be avoiding me?"

"Because I have to go away for a while," Jane answered softly and found that she was suddenly clinging onto her phone with an iron grip. Speaking the words out loud made it real. She was forced to stay away from her family and her friends. Nobody could know where she was. Another reminder why so many cops lost whatever family they had; the job took it all. She swallowed hard, her throat suddenly dry like a desert.

"Away?" The hurt in Maura's voice was obvious and Jane envisioned her sitting up straight with wide eyes, staring at something in the distance. She was only a few miles away but Jane felt they were worlds apart. Suddenly she just felt like the day she had discovered Maura was gone. A cold shiver travelled down her spine when she heard Maura's voice again. "Jane, where are you going?"

"It's something Cavanaugh's asked me to do. I can't really talk about it," Jane said and sank down onto her couch. "I just… I just wanted to tell you myself because I didn't want you think that I…"

"…that you had left the way I left?" Maura finished her sentence.

_Shit, even after a year she still knows how I think, _Jane thought and leant back into the pillows. _She can't even see me and she can still finish my sentences. _"Yes."

"I wouldn't think that, Jane," Maura said softly.

There was something about not being able to see each other but just hearing the other's voice. Jane felt her muscles relax, like they had always done when she spoke to Maura. She curled her legs up underneath her and her fingers lazily drew fingers on the couch's armrest. Jo Friday was asleep in her basket across the room. She hadn't even looked up when Jane got home.

"I just wanted you to know," Jane said. She felt sudden butterflies in her stomach. Her nerves got the better of her and the tremor in her voice was impossible to mask. "And there's something I'd like to ask you. Sort of like a favour. If you wouldn't mind, that is."

"Sure," Maura answered. "What is it?"

The sound of her voice was soothing, Jane thought. She ran her fingers through her thick curls and rubbed the back of her neck. "Could you tell Ma? I asked Cavanaugh to do it but I think she'd take it better coming from you."

"I'll tell her," Maura said and Jane could hear the smile in her voice. There was some rustling in the background and she guessed Maura was clearing her desk with her free hand. Jane listened to the sounds that had once been part of her life. It was odd how familiar they still sounded, even though she hadn't heard them since Maura had left. She hadn't even set foot in her office since her return. A door opened and suddenly Maura's voice sounded a little hollowed. She was standing in the autopsy room. "Do you want me to go and speak to her now?"

"It can wait till tonight," Jane said quickly. By then her handler would have contacted her and she would most likely have left her apartment. Knowing her mother she'd come knocking on her door and she would just be happy not to be there to have to witness that. She heaved a sigh. The next question blurted out without warning. "What are you doing?"

"I have an autopsy to prepare," Maura answered. It seemed the question had caught her by surprise too. "White male, late fifties. First glance suggests he suffered an intracerebral haemorrhage."

"Nice," Jane replied and found herself smiling. "Natural causes for once. Makes a chance."

"It does, actually," Maura agreed. "What are you doing?"

"I'm…" Jane began and realised that she couldn't tell Maura that she was waiting to meet the handler assigned to her case. "I'm about to go jogging."

"Maybe we can go together some time."

It was out there before Maura knew and for a moment both women were silent. It had seemed so normal once, to ask the other to go out for a run. They had done everything together, from the most outrageous yoga sessions to horror movies in the cinema. Jane had taken it all for granted. She knew that now. She had taken Maura for granted too but like with everything else in her life she had figured that out too late.

Maura's mistook Jane's silence for rejection. "Jane, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"No," Jane hurriedly interjected. She even surprised herself. She hadn't really avoided calling Maura in the last few days but she hadn't made it a priority either but now that it came up and they actually spoke to each other, her initial hesitation subsided. "We should go."

"Really?" Maura's voice sounded a lot happier now.

"Yeah," Jane answered.

There was a short and sharp knock on her door and she looked up. The knock repeated itself and she wondered if her case handler was early. She sighed. "Maura, I'm sorry but I have to go."

"Ok," Maura replied, a hint of disappointment echoing in her voice. "I'll call you later." There was that sentence again. It had been an empty promise before but Jane knew it wasn't just words this time.

"Don't call me, I'll call you," Jane quickly said and stood up. Across the room Jo Friday lifted up her head. Slowly Jane walked to the door and peered through the spy hole. To her surprise she saw a woman standing outside. She didn't recognise her but she managed to catch a glimpse of a badge attached to her belt. She sighed and rested her head against the door. "I'll call when I can. Bye, Maura."

"Bye," Maura said softly but seemed to change her mind before hanging up. "Jane, stay safe."

Jane just smiled to herself but didn't answer. She ended the call, removed the chain from the door and unlocked it. The woman on the other side of the door looked up. She had dark red hair that reached down to just over her ears. It had been cut in a sharp bob. Light green eyes snapped up to meet Jane's and both women silently sized each other up. Dressed in black pants and a matching blazer, accented with a white blouse, the woman outside looked every bit like a cop. She quickly flashed her badge and cracked a smile.

"Detective Jane Rizzoli?" she asked and when Jane nodded she extended her hand. "Detective Rita Wilcox."

"Hi," Jane said and stepped aside to let the redhead in. she wished she had at least tidied her apartment but until this morning she wasn't expecting visitors. She closed the door behind Rita and watched how the other woman's eyes darted around her living room, clearly forming a picture of the Italian detective in her head. Jane walked back to the couch and noticed detective Wilcox looking at the picture of her and Maura. "I wasn't expecting you until later today, detective."

"Call me Rita," the red-haired woman answered. "I spoke to Lieutenant Copperfield and he was under the impression it was best not to wait."

"Of course," Jane sighed and folded her hands in her lap. "I'm all yours."

Rita gestured at the sofa. "May I sit down?"

Jane nodded and the other woman sat down beside her. She opened up the bag she'd been carrying over her shoulder and took out several files. The BPD logo was printed on the front. She opened them and began laying them out on Jane's coffee table. Jane studied the pictures. The one that stood out was the face of a woman she guessed to be in her mid-forties, with curly blonde hair and surprisingly cold eyes. Her make-up was immaculate an expensive diamond studded necklace hung around her neck. A bar had been stuck underneath and black capitals spelled out Madeleine McKenna. Jane reached for the photo and pulled it towards her. This woman was her target.

"These are the faces of those involved in the organisation," Rita said. "That's Madeleine McKenna; she's at the top of the pyramid. From what we've learnt she's the one in charge of everything. Then there's Robert Delany…" She pointed at a picture of a man with short, dark brown hair. It had been taken from a distance. "According to Narcotics, he's the one in charge of the drugs coming into the US. He reports to Madeleine but is hardly involved in the escort part of the business. He leads the fashion department, which is a front for their drug import."

"This young lady here is Lindsey Baxter. Now she's the one to watch while you're out there," Rita continued. "She arranges all the dates for the escorts and sets up meetings. She is also the one who organises all the parties where the high end clients and escorts can enjoy each other's company, shall we say." She smiled. "Lindsey relies on Sarah to maintain her diary. What she doesn't know is that Sarah is a CI for BPD."

Jane blinked in surprise. "What?!"

Rita chuckled. "Sarah used to be a hooker working the streets. She was arrested and in exchange for a suspended prison sentence, she became an informant for Vice." She pointed at the picture. "She knows you're coming and she'll be the one to set you up. She communicates with only one person inside BPD." The redhead pointed at herself. "That would be me."

"OK," Jane said slowly. "So what is it you want me to do exactly?"

"I have informed Sarah that you will be joining her team. Your background includes a reference to being her cousin. She has already informed Lindsey that you're new in town and need a job. You'll meet her tonight. There's a party at a restaurant downtown and Sarah will accompany you. Be at your best behaviour. She'll do anything to convince Lindsey to hire you but that shouldn't be a problem." Rita rearranged a few more pictures on the table. "Once you have been accepted, you will start being sent out on dates or parties. People will request your company."

"So I am expected to go out with them?" Jane asked hesitantly. "I mean, we all know what escorts do and what sort of services they deliver." She swallowed. "Unlike detective McGregor, I am not prepared to go that far."

"Nobody is," Rita said and smiled. "Don't worry, we're not sending you out with people we know expect any favours from you." She took a deep breath. "You won't have to do anything sexual of any kind. The escort service delivers to different people with different kinds of desires. I'm aware this is personal but I have to ask… male or female?"

"Excuse me?" Jane stammered. "Male or female what?"

"Clients, detective," Rita clarified and Jane noticed how her eyes briefly seemed to dart back to the picture of Maura she'd spotted on the shelf. Kind green eyes found Jane's and she observed the hint of a blush on her cheeks. "Do you prefer male or female?"

Jane looked down into her lap. She wasn't comfortable in the company of men she didn't know well. Blind dates were her idea of a hell. "Female."

"I'll make sure to tell Sarah," Rita answered and she studied Jane's face more closely. "Detective, I'm aware that this is a great ask and I'm aware that it will not be without dangers." Her voice dropped down into a comforting whisper. "If there was anybody else we could rely on, we would."

"How many of these have you done?" Jane wanted to know.

"A few," Rita answered. "I once worked a deep cover for six months. The only connection to BPD I had was the person who met with me once every two weeks. I didn't see my family or any of my friends. When I came out I found that most of them had moved on. My mother thought I was dead and didn't believe it was me when I turned up at her door." She cocked her head. "This isn't going to be like that operation. You'll be out before you know it."

"What am I looking for?" Jane asked. "All I want is to find the person who killed detective McGregor."

"There are a couple of girls who were quite close to him," Rita answered. "He mentioned them once or twice to me."

"To you?" Jane asked and her eyes snapped up. "_You _were McGregor's handler?"

"Yes," Rita admitted. Sadness reflected in her eyes and she tore her eyes away from the photos. "I couldn't believe it when the picture your partner sent came in through the email. I didn't want to believe it was him but when he failed to make contact, I knew it had to be. The last time we spoke he said he was worried someone may have figured out he was a cop."

"Do you have any idea who he might have been seeing?" Jane asked. "Did he mention any names?"

"Nobody goes by their real name in that place, including the ones using the services," Rita replied. "Steve said that the guy who asked to see him twice a week was a married prosecutor but he didn't mention a name. We were going to wait until we could make the drugs charge stick as well. If we had moved in when we got the name, we would have risked losing the whole operation altogether. Steve was happy to continue gathering the information. We have a lot of their encounters on tape, as well as the prosecutor's promise to get one of the other escorts out of jail."

Jane covered her face in her hands for several seconds before peering through her fingers at the pictures sprawled out on her coffee table. This seemed unreal. She was about to disappear into a world that couldn't be further from her own. Everything about this felt unnatural and every cell in her body seemed to object. She tasted the bile in the back of her throat and swallowed it down. There was no time for this. She had to be stronger, had to be better.

She spent the next two hours discussing the backgrounds of everybody involved in detail. Rita let her listen to some of the conversations they had recorded throughout the weeks and by the end of their meeting Jane almost knew Steve McGregor's voice as well as her own. She had heard him talk to men and women and she learnt to put faces to some of the voices by looking at the pictures.

"His wire was never recovered, was it?" Jane asked and Rita shook his head.

"We have some of the recordings but most of it was lost when he was killed. I assume the murderer found it and we know what happened after that." Rita leant across the table and began gathering the pictures. As she did so she glanced at her watch. "I think it's time for us to leave."

Jane picked up the key that she had seen in the paperwork. "My new home for the foreseeable future."

Rita grinned. "One thing Vice does well is arrange decent accommodation. You won't be disappointed."

Jane helped her gather the remaining bits and pieces and then picked up her cell phone. Rita frowned when she spotted the device. "I'm afraid you won't be able to use that after today."

"I just wanna tell my brother to pick up my dog," Jane said and typed in a message to Frankie. She then eyed Rita up as the redhead walked to the door and looked back down at her messages. There was something else she wanted to do, someone else she wanted to talk to. She typed a second message and found Maura's name. It was simple and short, shorter than she would have liked, but it was all she had right now. Maura deserved to know.

_I'm leaving now. Talk to you soon. Jane. _

Her breath hitched as she hit send and then removed the battery, disabling the phone's signal. She knew Frost well enough to try and track it once they knew she hadn't just gone away. She slipped the pieces into her pocket and stood up. Her eyes danced around the empty living room once last time. Jo Friday was looking back at her, tilting her head a little as if to ask where she was going. Jane smiled and took her badge and gun before following Rita out of the door. She locked it behind her and held allowed herself a second to process what she was about to do.

She was leaving and God only knew when she was going to be back.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's note: **Right, so this is we are. I have written chapters 12 and 13 as well - I finished them earlier today- and I am actually quite pleased with them. When I started this story I only had a very small idea about what I wanted and it sort of grew from there. It wouldn't be what it is if it wasn't for your comments and reviews so thank you, once again.

You may have noticed the lyrics sneaking in every so often throughout this story. These songs are all part of what I now call the "365 Days" playlist. Give them a listen. They are pretty good.

* * *

**Chapter 11**

Maura looked around her office. She was about to finish for the day and go home early but Jane's phone call from a few hours earlier still played in her head. Hearing her voice, so casual and calm, had stirred something inside she could barely contain. It had been a long time since she and Jane had been so casual around each other. Whenever they were in the same room the tension was so think it could be cut with a knife. If their gazes accidentally locked in of those rare moments they looked at each other, Maura could see some of her turmoil reflecting in Jane's eyes. She had thought it to be easier to find their way back but it turned out they were far more lost than she had believed.

Jane's message had worried her. She said she had to go away for a while and she couldn't tell her where she was going. Maura rested her head in her hands, her elbows firmly planted on her desk. The headache that had started an hour earlier was now reaching full force. Jane's voice hadn't really let on if she was in any danger but Maura knew Jane well enough, even after a year of not seeing her, to understand that Jane must have had good reasons to call her and say goodbye.

Cavanaugh had refused to tell her where jane had gone. She'd tried but he remained stoic. Since them she'd been meaning to tell Angela but Maura didn't know where to start. She knew the older Rizzoli was still in the café, having walked by only half an hour earlier. She'd seemed so happy and cheerful and Maura didn't want to be the one to change that. She knew that if she told Angela about Jane, she'd only worry. Maura couldn't blame her. She was worried too.

With a sigh Maura got up from her chai, did a double take to make sure she'd put everything back where it should be, and took her bag and jacket. She locked her office door behind her, switched the lights off in the autopsy room and on her way out she walked past the lab. The scientists were still working hard to identify the numerous samples taken from three different bodies earlier that day and Maura smiled to herself before walking on. She pressed the button for the elevator and it pinged when it reached her. She stepped in, waited for the doors to close and took her cell phone from her pocket. She knew there wouldn't be another message from Jane but she checked just out of habit.

The elevator stopped and the doors slid open. Maura stepped out into the lobby. It was busy. People were coming and going. She looked at the café. Angela had just served a couple of detectives with coffee and Maura took a deep breath before walking in. The Rizzoli matriarch looked up when she heard Maura come in and a beaming smile lit up her face. Maura didn't miss how Angela looked past her as if to see Jane was following her and she also didn't miss how Angela's smile faltered just a little when she realised Maura was alone. She swallowed the lump in her throat and approached the counter.

"What can I get you, sweetie?" Angela asked when Maura reached her. "Coffee? Tea?"

"I'm fine, thank you," Maura smiled and glanced around. "Can I talk to you for a moment?" Her eyes found Angela's and the older woman seemed to sense something was up. "In private?"

"Sure," Angela said and walked to the end of the counter. Maura followed and waited for Angela to walk around. They found a quiet corner furthest from the door and Maura fumbled with her hands. Angela's gaze lingered on the doctor's slender frame. Being Jane's mother made her well trained in spotting signs of discomfort. Jane had never been able to hide anything from her and compared to Jane, Maura was an open book half the time.

Through her eyelashes Maura looked up at Angela. "It's about Jane."

"Oh," Angela answered quietly. "What has she done now?"

"Nothing," Maura hurried to say and she smiled. "She hasn't done anything, Angela. But there is something I need to tell you."

Angela frowned. "Is this about your time in Africa?" Dark eyes searched Maura's face and a frightening thought suddenly popped into Angela's head. Her hand shot over her mouth as if to smother the words that were about to come out but it was too late. "Is there someone else?"

Maura seemed surprised. "What do you mean?" Questioning hazel eyes now looked at Angela.

"I mean, is there someone else? Is that why you and Jane…," Angela began but Maura shaking her head cut her off.

"No, there's nobody else, Angela. Jane and I… we're trying to figure out where we are in our lives right now," Maura said and a slight blush crept onto her cheeks when she remembered Jane casually asking her what she was doing when they were on the phone. She chewed the inside of her lip, suddenly very aware of the burning in her face, and hoped that Angela didn't pick up on it. "I spoke to her earlier and she asked me to tell you something."

"What is it?" Angela's eyes widened and she looked at the medical examiner standing in front of her.

"She told me that she has to go away for a while," Maura said softly and she stared down at her hands. She couldn't bring herself to look Angela in the eyes as she repeated Jane's message. "She couldn't tell me where she's going or what it is she's doing but Cavanaugh knows about it."

"WHAT?!"

"Angela…"

"Where is she?!"

"I don't know."

Angela's eyes darkened and she looked around the café as if to look for Cavanaugh there and then. She had folded her arms across her chest and her fingers were drumming impatiently against her upper arms. She moved nervously from one foot onto the other but suddenly her eyes found Maura's. "He's sent her undercover."

"What? Why would you think that?" Maura gasped.

Angela raised her hands to the heavens. "I've been here before, Maura. A few years ago Jane came home one night, packed a bag and then walked out. She kissed me and her father goodnight and said she was going away for a while." Her eyes snapped up. "She used that exact same phrase, Maura. Next thing I knew she was working undercover as a hooker and helped take down one of the biggest drug cartels in Boston."

"Oh my God," Maura said quietly. "You really think that?"

"The hell I do," Angela replied sharply. "I know it." She filed past Maura and started for the door of the café. "These men are all the same. They take what they think suits their operations and don't ever think about the families they're leaving behind. Cavanaugh knows this! No wonder he didn't tell anyone else!"

"Angela!" Maura called the older the woman back and resulted to taking her arm when Angela didn't listen. She managed to stop her from storming out the café and gave a gentle tug at Angela's arm to pull her back towards her. Angela turned around and Maura saw the sudden fear. Only now did she realise that she was frightened too. "I...I don't think there's anything you can do about this now," she said softly and her free hand took her cell phone from her pocket. "Jane sent me a message earlier she was on her way out. I think she's already gone."

Angela admitted her defeat and covered Maura's hand with her own. "You think she'll be allright?"

"It's Jane," Maura whispered. "She can look after herself."

She just hoped she was right.

~()~

Across town Jane climbed out of Rita Wilcox's SUV and eyed the building across the street. It was relatively new and as she looked around she realised she knew this street. She had driven here plenty of times. It was on the route to Maura's house, which was only about ten blocks away from here. Somehow that thought eased some of the nerves and she followed the other detective up the steps of the apartment complex and used the key to unlock the front door. The entrance hell smelt of fresh paint and one glance at the walls told her this place had been recently finished. The paint looked flawless. Rita pushed the button for the top floor and the elevator arrived. As the doors slid open Jane noticed it was big enough for about twenty people. A pure white leather arm chair and a plant in a large silver pot stood in the corner. It seemed like a strange way to dress an elevator but Jane began to understand that this apartment building was nothing like her own. This was Beacon Hill, one of the most expensive areas in Boston. Only rich people lived here. This building was no different.

They arrived on the seventh floor and stepped out onto a carpeted hallway. It was so soft and cushy that Jane's shoes sank down into it. It was crisp and white, as if someone had steam cleaned it only an hour earlier and she suddenly became very conscious of the fact there could be mud sticking to her shoes. There was only one door on the whole floor and Jane used the same key again to open it. The door swung open and Jane walked into what felt like a picture taken straight out of a home magazine.

Large windows overlooked Beacon Hill and she could see for miles. A large kitchen took up one part of the large open space, complete with breakfast bar and every appliance imaginable. Her eyes fleeted around the room, lingering on the dining table large enough to seat six, made out of glass and finished off with white leather chairs. A vase with beautiful white tulips stood on the middle of the table. The sound of her boots on the dark wooden floorboards made Jane looked.

"Wow." She whistled through her teeth and slowly turned to face Rita. "Is this how you put up all your undercover agents?" When Rita grinned she shook her head. "If I had known this, I would have chosen Vice."

"You are a high end call girl, Jane," Rita reminded her. "You can earn ten thousand dollars a night if you're with the right client. Your hourly rate is a thousand bucks." She cocked her head. "Expensive escorts do not live in small apartments in South Boston. They live in penthouses like these."

Jane ran fingers across the marble kitchen counter top before walking into the next room. The living room was spacious and bright, with the same large windows overlooking Boston. Black fabric sofa's and two matching arm chairs were decorated with cream coloured pillows. A glass coffee table stood on a thick, cream rug. Shelves of books adorned the wall opposite the window. Paintings and black and white pictures in silver frames had been added as finishing touches to the other walls. A large crystal vase contained the most beautiful red roses Jane had ever seen.

"The bedroom's across the hall, bathroom's on your right," Rita said. She walked towards the books and pulled one towards her. "There are microphones in every room as well as cameras. The remote to switch them on or off is in here." She opened the book and Jane found that it was hollow. Rita took out a small remote and showed it to Jane. "One press on the button switches everything either on or off. You shouldn't need them in here unless you decide to bring a potential client home with you."

"Do they do that?" Jane asked in surprise. "I thought escorts never brought their dates home."

"Most of them don't," Rita said, "but some do. I know Steve did." She sighed and put the book down. Jane caught the glimpse of hurt across her face and walked towards her. She put a hand on Rita's arm and the redhead looked up in surprise.

"This wasn't your fault," Jane reassured her. "You didn't do anything wrong. Steve wasn't killed because of you, Rita."

"I'm not so sure about that," Rita said softly. "We thought we were being careful. We never met at the same place twice, never at the same time. I never went to his apartment other than the day I helped him set up." She turned away from Jane, shrugging the detective's hand off her arm. The mask was put back in place and when she looked up at Jane the moment of weakness had faded. "I'll leave you to get comfortable."

"What happens next?" Jane wanted to know.

"Sarah's expecting you tonight. There's a gathering in a restaurant a couple of blocks away. It's called L'Ortolan," Rita replied. "She'll meet you outside and introduce you to Lindsey and the others. From there on its in their hands. Keep to yourself. Don't ask any questions. You don't want to raise their suspicions. If anyone comes to talk to you, entertain them to the best of your ability." Suddenly she smiled. "I took the liberty of arranging your wardrobe. You'll find everything you need in the bedroom." She reached into her pocket and took out a cell phone. "Use this. My number's in here under Mom. If you tell Sarah you've gotta call your mother, she'll know what it means. Don't use this phone for anything other than your undercover operation."

"Thanks," Jane said sheepishly and took the phone. "What about the wires?"

"There are different ones in the drawer next to the bed," Rita grinned. "You'll soon figure out which ones to wear with what outfits." She started for the door but turned around before leaving. "I'm sorry they put you in this position, Jane. I know you do't have a choice."

"The only choice I have now is to get the best possible outcome," Jane answered. "When will I see you again?"

"Probably by the end of next week," Rita answered. "I don't want to risk anyone thinking you're a cop. The less we see each other, the better. There's a laptop in the cupboard to your right. You can upload any pictures or videos you take…" She pointed at the phone. "Email them to me if you think they're important and then delete them."

Jane nodded and watched as the red haired detective left the penthouse. When she closed the door she came to the frightening conclusion that she was alone. She was used to being alone but now it felt like she was truly on her own, without a single friend in the world. Nobody knew where she was, what she was doing. There was nobody to watch her back or save her ass if things went wrong. She only had herself to rely on. As she looked down at the phone in her hand Jane promised herself she would have to be the best she could possibly be if she wanted to succeed.

She walked across the penthouse, fumbling with her new phone. When she walked into the bedroom she froze in surprise. The bed seemed double the size of own back home and was made up with crisp white sheets and several decorative cushions. Black wallpaper with silver flowers decorated one of the walls. Heaving a sigh Jane sank down at the bottom of the bed and took her own phone from her pocket. She put the battery back in place and waited for it to switch on. She scrolled through her contacts until she found Maura's number and copied it into her new phone. She knew it was against the rules but somehow she felt she had to do it. She dismantled her own phone and but the pieces in the top bedside drawer before getting up and inspecting the wardrobe.

Rita hadn't been lying when she said she'd find everything she needed. The walk in wardrobe was huge and would probably make Maura jealous. Pairs of jeans, designer ones, were neatly folded on a shelf. Sweatshirts, hooded tops and simple tanks took up two other shelves. All were designer labels and Jane suspected the casual stuff alone cost more than her monthly pay check. She inspected the dresses hanging up and shuddered at the thought of wearing them. Most of them were short, too short for her liking. Each dress had a matching pair of high heeled shoes and when she opened some of the narrow drawers she discovered beautiful jewellery sets. She ran her index finger across a diamond studded necklace and the matching earrings and let her eyes wander over the dresses, opting for a dark red strapless one with matching shoes. She hung it up on the door before making a choice from the selection of jewellery. When she opened a small cabinet she hadn't tried yet she found a variety of watches and removed her own before replacing it with a designer one.

Jane walked out of the wardrobe and across the bedroom to the bathroom. A large shower took up part of the room but it was the large bath, sunken into the floor, that drew her attention. She picked one of the many bottles of bubbles before opening the tap. She inhaled the scent of coconut and slowly began stripping off her clothes. She almost moaned in delight when she stepped into the warm water and slowly lowered herself into the bubbles. Jane rested her head back and for a moment allowed herself to close her eyes.

She scrubbed herself until she knew for sure there wasn't a single part of her body that wasn't clean. She shaved her legs, arm pits and other places she didn't usually bother with and when she stepped out of the bath and wrapped a soft towel around her body she turned to the mirror and plucked her eyebrows. She hated doing things like this but Rita had insisted she'd look her best. She found the make-up underneath the sink and applied some foundation on her face. For a little while Jane stared at herself in the mirror. She wasn't used to wearing make-up. She didn't like the pretence of being something she wasn't. She drew a simple black line across her eyelid and applied mascara before choosing a dark red lipstick. When she looked at herself a second time she was surprised by the woman looking back at her. Suddenly the Jane Rizzoli she recognised was gone.

Looking back at her was a woman with dark brown eyes, accented by the dark lines and the hint of black eye-shadow, giving her a bedroom look. The damp ringlets cascaded down her shoulders and back, a beautiful contrast against the olive tones of her skin. Jane had never looked at herself this way before. She didn't care about beauty of appearance, preferring a more natural approach to life, but the reflection in the mirror pleasantly surprised her.

Jane left the bathroom and returned to the bedroom. She dropped the towel by the end of the bed and rummaged through the chest of drawers opposite. She had guessed it to be the lingerie drawer and found she was right. She held up a pair of panties. It was mostly lace, leaving little to the imagination. Jane preferred to wear girlie boxers, or just a simple pair of briefs. This was nothing like what she usually wore. She slowly stepped into the black laced panties, pulling them up along her thighs and readjusting them in place. She picked up the matching strapless bra and carefully put it on. When she turned to the full length mirror on the wall she was startled by what she saw. She had never believed underwear could be this alluring. The bra had created a deep cleavage and the black lace looked beautiful against her skin.

She remembered Rita telling her that the wires were kept in the bedside drawer and she opened it. Different sizes were lying side by side and Jane picked up the smallest. She carefully placed the microphone in her bra and strapped the rest of the device around her waist. Once she was sure that it was secure she turned back to the mirror. It looked strange, having are wire across her stomach and she took the dress she'd chosen of its coat hanger and unzipped it.

She slipped it over her head and slowly readjusted it in place. The fabric felt soft and cold against her flesh and Jane's breath hitched unexpectedly. She reached around her back and managed to zip the dress up. She turned back to the mirror and blinked a couple of times. There was no sign of the wire showing but she barely recognised her own reflection. The tomboyish Jane Rizzoli everybody knew had disappeared and replaced by a woman Jane didn't recognise. She finished off the look with her jewellery and stepped into the high heeled shoes. It added a couple more inches to her height.

Using the hairclips she'd seen in the bathroom Jane managed to pin her hair up, leaving several strands falling freely down the sides of her face and back. She sprinkled some expensive perfume on the inside of her wrist and behind her ears and applied a little more lipstick before choosing a simple black clutch bag from the collection in the wardrobe. She put her phone and keys in it and walked around the penthouse to get used to her shoes and outfit. When the clock struck six she left the penthouse and made her way down in the elevator.

The undercover operation was about to start.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's note: **You guys have no idea how much those reviews and comments mean to me. I write fanfiction because I get an idea that I then want to see out into practice. But most of all I write because I like to give people something to look forward to at the end of a long day, or at the start of one. Something that makes them smile. That makes me smile. So thank you for your time and your comments. They are appreciated more than you know.

* * *

**Chapter 12**

"…_What if I told you that's it's just a front, to hide the insecurities I have. What if I told you that I'm not as strong, as I like to make believe I am…"_

The music playing in the cab irritated Jane but the screen prevented her from asking the driver to change it. Instead she looked out of the window at Boston flying by outside. It was a beautiful night. It had rained earlier that day and the streets were still wet, reflecting the light from the streetlamps as if they were rivers. She placed her fingers against the glass, longing to be part of the world outside while she was trapped into this position. When the car came to a sudden halt she realised she had arrived at the restaurant where she was supposed to meet Sarah. Jane quickly paid the driver and then got out of the car. The second her shoes made contact with the pavement she felt eyes on her. She was being watched.

"Jane?" an unfamiliar woman's voice asked and she turned her head to find Sarah standing not far from the restaurant's door. She looked exactly like the picture Jane had seen, even down to the make-up she wore. If she was nervous about any of this Sarah didn't show it, and she unexpectedly closed the distance between them before wrapping her arms around Jane. Jane froze but relaxed when she felt Sarah's lips close to her ear. "We're supposed to be cousins, remember?"

Jane's arms slid around Sarah's waist and she returned the hook and when they parted she smiled, her dark eyes suddenly glistening. "It's good to see you."

"It's good you to see you too," Sarah said and her hand lingered on Jane's arm in a way that felt almost intrusive to Jane and she reminded herself they were supposed to be family. "Are you ready?"

"Definitely," Jane lied and readjusted her dress. "What do you want me to do?"

"Just stay with me. Let me do the talking for now. I'll introduce you to Lindsey and some of the other girls. It's important that we draw some attention to you but that shouldn't be a problem," Sarah said as she looked at Jane from head to toe, clearly impressed by what she saw. "You're gorgeous."

Jane's face flushed red and she smiled nervously. She wasn't used to compliments. She rarely got them and when she did she didn't know what to do with them. She linked her arm with Sarah's and produced a smile as the other woman led her into the restaurant. Jane's senses immediately kicked in the second they crossed the threshold. The restaurant was dimly lit, with a high ceiling adorned with crystal chandeliers. Round tables had been strategically placed around the oval room. Each table had enough seats for six to eight people. A piano played softly in the background. Not all the seats were taken but as Jane looked around she guessed about two thirds of the restaurant was full. It didn't take her long to recognise some of the other escorts. Young, attractive women sitting with multiple older men were difficult to miss. She saw the odd young man sitting a little too close to men whose wedding rings were clearly visible. An uneasy feeling crept up on her.

"Mademoiselle?"

Jane turned to find a waiter standing at her right, holding a tray with champagne glasses. She took a glass and smiled. Their gazes briefly locked and she raised her glass slightly before giving a friendly yet polite nod. "Merci."

"There's Lindsey," Sarah said softly and gestured towards one of the round tables in the middle of the restaurant. Jane saw the blonde haired woman whose picture she'd seen earlier that day. Lindsey seemed to be engaged in an animated conversation with a man in his late forties sitting beside her. Sarah gave a gentle tug at Jane's arm, signalling her to follow. "She's expecting us."

When they reached the table, Lindsey's conversation immediately ended and she looked up. She had surprisingly kind blue eyes, Jane observed. She had to be in her early fifties but there wasn't a sign of wrinkles anywhere. She suspected Lindsey wasn't unfamiliar with Botox and when she noticed the smile gracing the older woman's lips her suspicions were confirmed. She spoke with a slight accent but Jane couldn't determine where she was originally from.

"Sarah, I was just telling Aidan about you," Lindsey said and pointed at the man sitting next to her. When Jane briefly glanced at him she found him looking back at her with an almost hungry look in his eyes. She didn't look away and instead lifted up her chin, allowing a hint of arrogance to slide into her features. A smile tugged at her cheeks and when he answered her smile she casually looked away. Her eyes then found those of Lindsey and she saw the older woman inspecting her with great interest.

"Lindsey," Sarah smiled and pointed at Jane. "This is my cousin Jane. She's the one I told you about, remember?" She left a pause, allowing Lindsey to rake her memory and the older woman slowly nodded. "She's new in town and looking for a job." The way she said it left little doubt in anyone's mind what it was she referring to and the man sitting next to Lindsey leant in and whispered something in her ear that caused her to smile.

"Have a seat," Lindsey offered after a few seconds that seemed to feel like an eternity and Jane slipped into the empty seat beside the older woman. She readjusted her dress and crossed her feet, just like she had seen Maura do in the past. She carefully put her champagne glass down and folded her hands in her lap. When she looked up Lindsey was looking at her.

"Tell me about yourself, Jane…"

~()~

Maura paced around her kitchen. A half empty glass of wine stood on the kitchen counter. Her mind was restless. She couldn't find the peace she normally enjoyed at home. She'd tried meditation but she couldn't force the thought of Jane out of her mind. Angela's suggestion that she was undercover haunted her. Could it be true? Could it be possible that Jane had walked into a dangerous situation without telling anyone what it was she was doing? Maura's eyes snapped up, startled by the thought that Jane could get hurt.

After several more minutes of aimlessly wandering around her empty house, Maura finally reached for her cell phone. She had tried calling Jane's number but it went straight to voicemail. Her landline reached the machine and she had already left six messages, each one more desperate than the one before. She scrolled through her contacts until she found the one she knew would be able to help her and dialled it.

"Hello?"

"Detective Frost?" Maura tried to hide the relief that he had answered.

"Doctor Isles?" He sounded surprised. "Is there… is there a body? Did I miss something?"

Maura shook her head although there was nobody here to see her. "No, there's no body." She chewed the inside of her cheek. Other than at work and the occasional drink, she and Frost didn't really talk much. She considered him a friend because she knew he would be there if she ever needed help but they had never really spoken about anything remotely personal. "Do you have the home address for Lieutenant Cavanaugh?"

"I can find out for you," Frost answered. "May I ask why you need it?"

"You may but I'm afraid I can't answer that," Maura answered and silently hoped he wouldn't ask any questions. To add to her deception she asked a second question. "You haven't heard from Jane by any chance, have you? I've tried calling her but I keep getting her voice mail."

"I tried calling her a couple of times but ended up leaving a message," Frost replied. "I'm not too surprised though. She's…" He paused, as if he suddenly realised Maura didn't know what Jane had been like over the past year. She didn't know about the lack of sleep, the turning up late for work and the ignoring phone calls. Now that Maura was back Jane had changed but he hadn't forgotten. "She gets like this sometimes."

"Oh," Maura's eyes darted around the room and came to a rest on Bass, who had found his favourite spot on the rug in the living room. "I see." She swallowed, suddenly very much aware of the uncomfortable feeling settling in her stomach. "Well, thank you for your help, detective Frost. You can text me the Lieutenant's address."

"Of course," Frost answered. "Good night, doctor."

"Good night, detective."

She hung up and held on to her phone until Frost's text message arrived. She picked up her keys and bag and stepped out of the door. As she locked it behind her she felt the cool evening wind pulling at her hair and she glanced up. It was a beautiful clear night. It had rained earlier and the scent still lingered in the air. With a sigh Maura walked across her drive and got into her car. She had to do this, for her own feelings and for Jane.

~()~

Jane was on her second glass of wine and the conversation at the table had changed from her personal background to Aidan's business. She feigned her interest whilst letting her eyes ghost around the room. She had noticed one or two girls leave with a man but most of them were still sitting in their seats. Hands rested on arms, or a little more daringly on a knee. The girls were all quite pretty and attractive and most couldn't be older than mid-thirties. As she sipped from her wine she looked back at Lindsey, who was still watching her with great interest.

"Do you like what you see?" Lindsey asked unexpectedly, leaving the actually meaning of that question unsaid.

Jane put her glass down and leant a little across the table, allowing the others a short glimpse of cleavage. She smiled flirtatiously as she casually pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. Intense brown eyes found blue. "Very much so."

Her stomach turned. Saying that she _hated _being here was an understatement.

Lindsey leant in. Surprisingly soft fingers brushed across Jane's hand. "Are you free tomorrow night?"

"I am," she answered with a deep husky voice.

"Wonderful," Lindsey answered. "I'll provide you with the details later."

She'd been hired. Jane managed to mask her surprise by another smile and in her chest her heart skipped a beat. Her mother would never believe that she, tomboy Jane Rizzoli, had managed to woo a madam and a high end business guy into believing that she was a sophisticated call girl. She'd worn her dress with pride and smiled at exactly the right moments. She had flirted with Aidan without being too obvious and she had flirted with Lindsey just to add to her façade. Everything about this was against her nature but somehow it had been so easy. As she reached for her wineglass she held Lindsey's gaze a little longer before breaking the eye contact.

"Would you excuse me, please?" she said after several more minutes. She reached for her clutch bag and let her eyes dance across the faces of all of those sitting at the table with her. "I think I am just going to powder my nose."

She stood up and walked across the restaurant. Throughout the evening she had watched most of the girls walk towards the ladies room several times and she found it without looking. When she pushed against the door and stepped inside she found two girls standing by the sink. Their conversation fell silent when Jane walked in and the three of them silently stared at each other. The girls were a few years younger than Jane. Both had platinum blonde hair and wore short cocktail dresses.

"You must be the new girl Lindsey's been talking about," said the girl on the right. "Sarah was really trying to sell you to her."

Jane's eyes narrowed. She wasn't sure whether the girls were being curious or mean so she withheld an answer.

"Now I can see why," the other girl added. "You're stunning."

_Okay, so they're being friendly, _Jane thought and she smiled as she put her bag down and leant casually against the wall. "I've got nothing on you thought," she said. "You're young, pretty…" She let her eyes trail over their two slender frames. "And you've got legs that have no end."

"Men don't care about legs, darling," the girl who'd spoken first said. "They just care about what you can do with them." She stepped towards Jane and extended her hand. "I'm Katie and this is Leila."

"Jane," Jane answered as she shook Katie's hand. She glanced in the mirror before opening her bag. She took out her lipstick and reapplied a layer. She used the looking glass to observe the other girls. "So how long have you been working for Lindsey?"

"A year, maybe more," Katie answered. She ran her fingers through her curly hair. "She's good. One of the best ones out there."

"Yeah?" Jane asked and her eyes lingered on Leila. She seemed a little held back. Now that Katie mentioned Lindsey she didn't speak and averted her eyes when Jane tried to hold her gaze. Her cop instinct kicked in immediately. Clearly not everybody seemed to think so highly of Lindsey. She made a mental note to try and talk to Leila alone if she got the chance but for now she just put her lipstick back in her bag, sprinkled some more perfume in her neck and washed her hands.

"Well, I guess I'd better go back," she smiled. "Don't wanna leave them waiting."

Katie grinned. "That's the_ fun_ part, Jane. Leave them waiting just long enough to drive them near enough insane and then give them what they need but not quite enough to satisfy them completely." She reached for Leila's hand and they followed Jane out of the door. "The whole trick is to leave them waiting for you. They'll keep coming back for more…" Her eyes glistened. "And more is always good."

This was a girl who knew how to play her customers, Jane thought. She had perfected the art of seduction and temptation. She watched how Katie and Leila walked to the opposite end of the actress. Leila's shoulders seemed to drop as they walked back to a table occupied by two men in their forties but the swing in Kate's hips only got stronger the closer they got to their target. Her fingers trailed across the backs of both men before she slid effortlessly back into her seat.

Jane joined Lindsey, Sarah and Aidan and noticed that dessert had been served in her absence. Everybody had waited for her and her wineglass had been refilled. She smiled as she sat back down into her seat and Sarah watched her. "Lindsey mentioned the opening of the new art gallery tomorrow. I told her you have an interest in art, Jane."

Suddenly Jane frantically tried to remember everything and anything Maura had once tried to teach her about art. She'd dragged Jane out to a handful of galleries in Boston and how could she forget the night she'd accompanied Maura to her mother's installation?

"There'll be some people there who will appreciate your company," Lindsey said before Jane had a chance to ask what type of gallery opening it was. Suddenly they had reached the business part of the evening and her heart beat in the back of her throat. "They're dear friends of mine, most of them, and I'm sure they'd love to get to know you."

"Of course," Jane answered. Her fingers followed the shape of her wineglass, drawing circles. "What time would you like for me to be there?"

"I'd say eight o'clock is perfect," Lindsey answered. She folded her hands on the table. "Now, about your wages." The kind blue eyes had suddenly hardened and for the first time Jane caught a glimpse of the hardened businesswoman behind the friendly mask. "Our customers pay a fee to enjoy your company. For every night they'd like for you to join them, they pay a two thousand dollars." She mentioned the amount as if it was nothing but pocket change to her. "Half of that is yours to keep. Whatever the customer decides to spend on you, is also yours. Any clothes you require you will have to purchase yourself."

Jane nodded. A thousand dollars wasn't a bad income, especially since had counted at least fifteen different girls in this room, as well as a handful of men. She knew that most of the high end clients would sooner or later find themselves the victim of blackmail, only adding to the money Lindsey was making over the backs of her escorts. Combined with a lucrative drugs business on the side, this woman could easily earn more than half a tonne a week.

"Whatever our customer desires, you will provide," Lindsey said and her voice dropped to a whisper. "Sarah tells me you prefer female company." Jane nodded again. "Shame, I know a couple of men who would really have liked your company but we cannot change where our preferences lie. In fact, I know there'll be somebody at the opening tomorrow who'd very much like to meet you. She's been looking for somebody like you for a while. Tall, dark, attractive…"

Jane forced herself to smile but the uncomfortable feeling in her chest only grew. The conversation changed quickly once again and she focused on eating her dessert and drinking her wine. She continued to listen to Lindsey, using her experience as a detective to build a profile in her head. By the time the clock finally struck half past eleven, Lindsey and Aidan signalled they were leaving. Sarah, who had been engaged in a conversation with Aidan until several minutes before, looked at Jane and they stood up too. She linked her arm through Jane's and the four of them left the restaurant together.

"We can share a cab," Sarah said to Jane when she raised her hand to hail one.

"Sure," Jane answered and turned to look at Lindsey. She and Aidan were walking towards a chauffeur driven Bentley and the older woman turned around when she felt Jane's eyes on her. She smiled, one that felt genuine.

"I'll look forward to seeing you tomorrow, Jane."

A cab pulled up just at that moment and Sarah opened the door for Jane to get in. she climbed into the backseat and Sarah quickly followed. When she slammed the door Jane gave the driver her new address and then turned to look at Sarah. She looked back at Jane in a mixture of surprise and humour. "Are you sure you're a detective, Jane?"

"Why?"

"Because you swept them off their feet!" Sarah said. "When you left, they couldn't talk about anything else."

"Really?" Jane arched an eyebrow. "They liked me?"

"_Liked_ you? If Lindsey hadn't told Aidan you're not into men he would have jumped you there and then!"

Jane snorted. "Looking at him, I'd say he jumps anything that's got a pulse."

"Not far off the truth," Sarah agreed. She seemed to relax. "When Rita said she was going to send in another cop I was worried. I never personally dealt with Steve. He made his own way into the business but I have known Rita for a long time and this will have been a kick in the gut for her." She glanced at Jane. "How is she holding up?"

"Like you said, she'd been kicked in the gut but I think it's made her even more determined to bring this case to a good end," Jane said. "Do you have any idea whom Steve may have met the night he was killed?"

Sarah reached into her purse. "When I found out he was dead, I made a copy of the appointment book we use. Lindsey has us destroy it every single day, in case there's ever going to be a raid, she doesn't want any evidence around. But I keep copies, just in case." She grinned when she saw Jane's face. "I may have started out a hooker working the streets, but Rita has taught me a thing or two since then."

"If this thing goes down, you should consider going to the Academy," Jane said. "You'd make a great cop."

"A cop with a rap sheet for prostitution?" Sarah asked and rolled her eyes. "I don't think so."

"Don't give up just yet," Jane said as she took the paper Sarah gave her. "There's no names on here, is there?"

"Just the name of the escort and the date, time and location where they met their customer," Sarah answered. "Most of these places are hotels or social gatherings. A lot of these have security cameras. Lindsey relies in it for the pictures. Escorts carry their own cameras in their bags too but she doesn't mind using the ones readily available to her. She can just about pay anyone to get what she wants."

"Does she keep copies of the pictures too?" Jane wanted to know.

"I don't know," Sarah replied, "If she does, she's never mentioned them to me. No doubt Madeleine knows about it though. There's no way she can't not know, if you know what I mean. She's very particular about the services she offers and although Lindsey likes to create the illusion she's in charge, it is actually Madeleine who runs the show. Most of the money goes straight to Madeleine but she gives Lindsey a decent payoff every month."

"Do you know anyone who has worked for Madeleine and Lindsey and then left?" Jane asked.

The cab came to a stop outside the building where Jane now lived and Sarah's hand shot out to Jane's arm. "You're not going to find anybody like that, Jane." Her eyes were suddenly filled with sadness. "You don't just leave Madeleine or Lindsey. Once you're in, that's it. There's no way out."

Jane let those words sink in as she stepped out of the cab. It drove off and she watched Sarah's faxe disappear in the distance. She then walked into the building, got into the elevator and stepped out on the seventh floor. She used her key to get into her penthouse and locked the door behind her once she got inside. She kicked her shoes off, leaving them in the middle of the kitchen and walked across the wooden floor to the bedroom. By the time she reached the bed she'd abandoned her dress on the floor and ripped the wire away from her body. It was followed by her panties and bra. From the walk-in wardrobe she took a thin sweater and a pair of shorts and climbed into bed.

It wasn't until her head hit the pillow that she realised how tired she was and against all expectations Jane drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

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**Lyrics in this chapter:** Jason Walker - What If I Told You


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's note: **Let me know what you think.**.. **

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**Chapter 13**

It turned out that the art gallery opening was an event that attracted a lot of people. When Jane stepped out of the cab and walked to the front door she found Sarah waiting for her. They were surrounded by people in expensive dresses and tuxedos and were offered drinks and caviar on their way in. Sarah just smiled at the man checking the names on the list and leant in to whisper "We're with Lindsey." He returned the smile and stepped aside to let them through.

"How did you feel when you got home last night?" Sarah asked once they were out of hearing range. She leant in to Jane as if to ask her something, making sure she continued to smile.

"I spent an hour in the shower this morning," Jane answered, her voice hollow and flat. "I still feel dirty."

Sarah's face hardened slightly. "You'll get used to that."

A young woman came over to them to take their coats and when Jane handed her the leather jacket she'd been wearing she revealed a black cocktail dress with a rather impressive cleavage. She'd struggled to hide the wire when she got dressed. The dress was complimented by matching knee-length leather boots and her raven curls cascaded freely down her back. Fine silver jewellery finished off the refined look and Sarah let her eyes trail over Jane's figure in appreciation.

"You'll have no trouble attracting the right kind of attention," she said as she took Jane's hand and led her into the gallery.

Small groups of people were talking to each other. Most were clutching glasses full of champagne or wine and waiters and waitresses in crisp white uniforms effortlessly manoeuvred through the crowd, continuously offering drinks. Music played in the background but Jane couldn't quite make out the lyrics. Her eyes darted around the room, looking for a face she recognised. A few seemed familiar, most likely because she had seen them in the papers. Her heart froze when she singled out one of them and she grabbed Sarah's wrist.

"Whatever you do, don't let him see me," she said and jerked her head towards the balding man in a suit that seemed a little too small for him. "That's the Police Commissioner."

"I know," Sarah answered and winked. "I'll make sure he doesn't see you." She took Jane's hand and led her to the other side of the room. They found a spot in the corner and Sarah pointed at Lindsey. Jane hadn't even seen her yet but she fixed her gaze on the older woman. She was talking to someone. A woman. Her back was turned towards Jane but she had shoulder length light brown hair and wore white pants and an elegant burgundy shirt.

"Looks like Lindsey has already found the woman who will be enjoying company tonight," Sarah said and at that same moment Lindsey looked up and discovered the two women looking at her. A smile broke through on her face and Jane matched it with one of her own as she and Sarah slowly walked across the room until they reached Lindsey and her friend. Jane allowed Lindsey to take her arm and when she slowly raised her eyes she found herself looking into the face of a rather attractive woman. Jane guessed she was maybe in her early thirties and she had a strong jawline, a round chin and kind, light brown eyes.

"You must be Jane," she said and the first thing Jane noticed was a hint of a French accent. "How lovely to meet you. My name is Stella."

"I'll leave you two to get to know each other," Lindsey said and stepped away. Sarah followed and suddenly Jane was left alone with a woman she didn't know but who clearly knew a lot about her. She knew what was expected of her and she would have to play her role if she wanted to make Lindsey believe she was serious about this job. Sooner or later she would get a chance to talk to some of the other girls but for now, this was a sacrifice she'd have to make and so she let Stella show her around the gallery.

They spent an hour or so inspecting the paintings and Jane had to admit that they were beautiful. She had never been a fan of art, or was bothered enough to care, but she found herself actually engaged and listened to what Stella had to say. It wasn't until they reached the last painting that Jane realised she was talking to the artist, not just an admirer, and she looked at Stella differently after that. This woman possessed an amazing eye for detail and she wasn't unattractive either. She seemed funny, smart and intelligent and Jane just didn't understand why she had to rely on the services of an escort.

Before she knew it another hour had gone by and she hadn't seen either Sarah or Lindsey. Stella had kept her entertained and she was on her third glass of champagne. Surrounded by unfamiliar faces she had gotten used to Stella's hand resting on her arm, almost as if to seek reassurance, but when she let her dark eyes wander around the gallery her heart unexpectedly skipped a beat and the champagne glass almost slipped from her fingers. Her gaze lingered on the figure she had discovered emerging from behind a group of man.

She knew those honey blonde locks and she knew that face even if those eyes weren't looking at her right now.

"_Maura."_

"Did you say something, Jane?" Stella asked and turned to look at Jane.

Jane had only whispered Maura's name and she quickly collected herself and smiled. "Sorry, I was just thinking to myself. I didn't realise I was speaking out loud." Through her eyelashes she peered at Stella. "I was just about to suggest if I could get you some more champagne."

"Thank you," Stella smiled and her hand lingered on the small of Jane's back as she turned away to approach one of the waiters. Before she could step away the young man had spotted her and quickly crossed the room to reach her. Jane realised she couldn't just walk away now and took the two glasses with a smile. She handed one to Stella, who thanked her with just a look, and let her own eyes wander around the room a second time. Maura had disappeared.

Jane felt her heart rate quicken. She knew she hadn't imagined it. Maura was here. She'd see her. The back of her throat felt dry and she downed her champagne quicker than she had planned and continued to look around. When she felt Stella's grip on her arm tighten she realised she'd been caught out and turned to face the brunette.

"Are you looking for something?"

"Just the ladies room," Jane said softly and playfully let her fingers run along Stella's shoulders. It brought a twinkle to the other woman's eye and Jane felt a pang of guilt. Somehow it was as if she just betrayed everything she stood for and believed in. This wasn't her, this wasn't what she did. "Would you excuse me?"

"Down that side to the right," Stella said sweetly and leant in to point in the direction. Her lips brushed against Jane's cheek and Jane felt the hairs in the back of her neck rise up. She smiled and managed to slowly free herself from Stella's touch. She turned and found her way through the crowds in the direction Stella had pointed in. She saw a couple of girls walking towards her. One of them was pushing something into her bag and as they walked past her Jane recognised the dilated pupils in bloodshot eyes and the almost euphoric smile on their faces. They were all tell-tale signs for the use of cocaine.

She turned around when the girls past her and she followed them with her eyes. They joined a group of men and Jane felt pity well up in her stomach. They had come to the point where they needed drugs to cope with the fact they were selling themselves night after night. Although the money was better and they got to hang out with some of the richest men in town, in the end they were no better than the hookers addicted to crack working the street corners.

She made her way into the ladies room and splashed come cold water in her face. When she left the room and entered the gallery again she found Stella standing not far from her. She joined her and the people she was talking to but just as she took her place at Stella's side she saw Maura reappearing from the crowd. This time their eyes immediately found each other and around Jane the conservations faded out like whispers. The world just stopped. All that she saw was Maura.

Before she had a chance to move, Maura had disappeared again and Jane's eyes desperately searched around for her. Why was she here? How did she even know Jane would be here tonight How had she found out this was what she was doing? All these questions were running through her head as she fumbled with the glass of red wine Stella had given her. She couldn't bring herself to drink it. The amount of champagne was already starting to go to her head.

When she saw Maura again she was talking to a man and a woman in their late fifties who had been admiring a painting. Every so often her eyes darted towards Jane and every single time she'd find the raven haired woman looking at her. Their gazes became longer and longer, from across the room. Jane would have sworn Maura's eyes darkened the longer they looked at each other and when Jane watched her drink from her wine she finally averted her eyes, her stomach suddenly dropping without warning. When she looked back up, Maura was gone.

"Hey."

She jumped when she felt Sarah's hand on her shoulder and turned. Stella was still talking to her friends and paid no attention to Jane turning away. Sarah leant in. "Lindsey wants to see you."

"What? Why?" Jane whispered.

"I don't know," Sarah replied. "Come, I'll take you to her."

They found Lindsey towards the entrance of the gallery and she smiled when she saw Jane. Sarah just disappeared into the crowd and Lindsey beckoned Jane to come closer. When she reached the older woman, Lindsey gestured towards one of the two leather arm chairs. Empty champagne glasses stood on the glass table. Jane sat down and crossed her feet before folding her hands in her lap.

"I have something for you," Lindsey said and reached into her clutch bag. Without drawing any attention she handed Jane a white envelope. It felt heavy and Jane quickly slid it into her bag. "This is your payment for tonight. Stella is enjoying your company but has no other expectations. She just likes something pretty at her side when she hosts an opening like tonight but she is definitely interested in any future engagements."

"I'm glad to have lived up to her expectations," Jane smiled. "I'm afraid I am still rather new to this and I would hate it if I disappointed someone."

"Well, you certainly didn't disappoint," Lindsey said. "I've been watching you, Jane. You have drawn some attention to yourself. It doesn't happen very often that people approach me asking questions. If you keep going like this, you can build yourself a very lucrative little circle of clients."

"Thank you," Jane smiled. Inside her heart wrenched. This was nothing more than a meat market. Clients checked out the merchandise and it was all disguised as a gallery opening. Stella was part of it. She couldn't comprehend that women willingly took part in the exploitation of other women for money. She pushed herself out of her chair, smiled at Lindsey one last time and started walking back across the gallery. As she walked past a narrow and dark alcove, she felt an unexpected hand on her arm and spun around, ready to tell whoever it was to keep their hands to themselves but she swallowed her words just in time when she recognised Maura.

"Maura, what the_ hell_ are you doing here?!" Jane hissed and pushed the medical examiner further into the alcove. It was withdrawn from sight and rather cramped and dark.

"I could ask you the same thing," Maura countered. Jane could just about make out the features of Maura's face in the dimly lit space and her eyes slowly adapted to the dark. She recognised the worry in those hazel eyes almost immediately. "What are you doing here, Jane?"

"I can't tell you," Jane answered and glanced over her shoulder to make sure nobody had noticed her and Maura disappearing into the shallow space between walls. People were walking by outside, paying no attention to them. Slowly she relaxed; reassured that nobody could see them. "How did you know where I was?"

"Lieutenant Cavanaugh told me," Maura whispered. "He told me everything, Jane."

"Cavanaugh told you?" Jane asked. "Why would he do that?"

"Because I made him," Maura said sternly. "I went to his house and I asked him where you were."

"You went to his house?!"

"Yes."

"And he told you?"

"After a little persuasion, yes."

Jane studied Maura's face. They were forced close together and she could feel the heat radiating from Maura's skin against her own. It brought an unexpected shiver down her spine. They hadn't been this close to each other since Maura came back. Maura moved a little and her hand brushed along the inside of Jane's arm. The touch made both of them jump.

"A little persuasion?" Jane questioned. "What, did you threaten him with a scalpel or something?"

"Not quite," Maura stated rather matter-of-fact and her eyes lingered on Jane's face. She could see a hint of relief. "I gave him a choice; either he told me where you were or I would send your mother over to ask him the same question."

"Anyone would rather deal with you than my mother," Jane chuckled. "What did he tell you?"

"That Vice and Narcotics forced you into this and that his hands were tied. He managed to get hold of the detective handling this case and she contacted Sarah who then told her where you were going to be tonight. Cavanaugh told me to come here and see if you were allright." Maura heaved a sigh. "I knew something was wrong, Jane. It isn't like you to leave without saying something."

They looked at each other as they realised they had once again reached the point of Maura leaving. Jane's heart hammered in her chest. She couldn't remember the last time she had been this close to Maura. It was only now that they were this close together, trapped in a small space in the middle of an undercover operation, that she realised how much she had missed her. Suddenly her dark eyes swam with tears and she swallowed. "Thank you."

"Cavanaugh says that if you want out, he'll contact the Police Commissioner first thing tomorrow morning to tell him about the undercover," Maura said. She stepped closer to Jane until their bodies were almost pressed flush against each other. All that separated them now were a few inches of air. Hazel eyes looked up into dark brown. "You don't have to do this, Jane."

"Yes, yes, I do," Jane whispered in determination. "Somebody has to find out what happened to Steve McGregor and I know I can find that answer." She opened her handbag and took out the piece of paper Sarah had given her the night before. "This is a list of escorts that met with clients on the day Steve died. There are no names, just times and locations. One of these is Steve. If we can find out where he met his client, we may be one step closer to finding out who killed him."

"I'll give it to detective Frost," Maura said and then frowned. "If I can come up with an explanation why I have this list in the first place."

Jane grinned. "Just tell him it was sent to you anonymously." She shrugged when Maura looked up in surprise. "We get tips all the time."

"Not from undercover Homicide detectives who should be working the case instead."

"How did you know?" Jane asked softly. "How did you know I hadn't just gone away for a few days?"

"Your mother figured it out, actually," Maura answered. "When I told her you'd said you had to go away for a while, she almost immediately suggested you'd gone undercover. Something to do with the last time you did this?"

Jane's smile widened. "So it worked."

"What worked?"

"When I worked in Narcotics and had to go undercover, I told Ma I had to go away for a while. When she found out I was undercover she realised that was what going away meant. It's why I used that same sentence again. If she heard it from you, using similar words, I knew she'd understand." Jane looked at Maura. "Thank you for doing that for me."

"Of course," Maura whispered. Her eyes dropped briefly down to Jane's lips. There had been a time she would have looked at them constantly but during her time in Africa she had learnt to distance herself from her feelings for Jane. It wasn't until she came back to Boston that she realised that she could only keep that up if she didn't see Jane but the thought of not seeing her at all, ever again, was painful. She couldn't live like that. So maybe this was where she was supposed to be, with Jane without really being with her, and she would have to find some way of dealing with the way she felt, no matter how long it took.

Jane noticed the way Maura's eyes dropped down before snapping back up. She had thought about moments like this while Maura was away. She'd told herself that if she came back she'd tell her how she felt. That she'd been stupid for not realising it sooner and that she was sorry for letting Maura think she could never love her the same way too. But here they were, closer together than ever before, and it still felt like there was a world of distance between them. Was this what they had become? Strangers?

"I'm glad you called before you left," Maura said softly, breaking the silence between them. The sound of the busy gallery outside the narrow alcove startled to filter through. She heaved a sigh. "It felt…" She couldn't look Jane in the eye.

"Normal?" Jane asked and Maura curiously looked back up.

"Yes."

They looked at each other, both of them suddenly struck by the absurdity of this situation. Maura had driven across town demanding to know where Jane was and then came here looking for her. She had walked out on her once before but now she had tried everything she could to find her. Jane was undercover as an escort, risking her life to find out what had happened to their victim and stood facing the woman she knew she loved. Maura had come here for her, to find her, to protect her, to help her. She couldn't do anything else but to accept all of those things.

"I missed you, Maura." It was out there before she really knew it and she watched Maura's eyes light up.

"I missed you too, Jane."

Maura smiled and the fingers that had grazed the inside of Jane's arms suddenly did so again. Their touches had once been so meaningless, so understated, but now they were filled with unspoken words. Eyes found each other and in the darkness two strangers recognised the friend they had lost. Jane smiled too and let her own hand ghost across Maura's arm, down towards her hand, until fingers found each other and they entwined together. A perfect fit.

"You should go," Jane whispered and looked over her shoulder at the gallery behind her. "I'm not supposed to be seen with you."

"You're here with somebody else, aren't you?" Maura asked and glanced at the gallery outside the alcove. She tried to hide the hurt in her voice.

Jane snorted and rolled her eyes. "Someone who paid for me to be here with her. Not exactly my idea of a date."

"Go to her. I'm sure she will have missed you by now," Maura said and her hand slipped out of Jane's. The loss of contact suddenly left them both craving for more. She attempted to push past the dark haired woman, forcing their bodies even closer together in the narrow space. The full on contact startled Jane and she momentarily froze. She felt the swell of Mau's breasts press against her own body and her breath hitched. Maura's voice was soft. "Stay safe, Jane."

"Wait." Jane's hands were suddenly on Maura's hips, forcing her to stand still. "Maura, wait."

"I have to go, Jane." Maura seemed to struggle to get away from Jane but Jane's grip only tightened.

_Tears._ There were tears in Maua's voice. There were tears in her eyes and on her cheeks. Jane's heart broke when she realised and she reached up to wipe them away. A soft hand against warm cheeks and Maura instinctively rubbed her face against Jane's palm. Jane felt Maura's tears against her fingertips and wished with all her being she could do something to just make them stop.

"Why are you crying?" she asked with a husky voice. "Maura, please tell me, why are you crying?"

"It doesn't matter," Maura whispered quietly. She didn't know how she was going to find the words to explain she was carrying the burden of loving someone who could never love her back that same way. "I know you're safe. That's all that matters now."

"Ok," Jane breathed and carefully rested her forehead against Maura's for a couple of seconds. They stood completely still, with Jane's hands still on Maura's hips and Maura's arms hanging down her side. Neither of them could move as the moment just took over. Jane slowly pulled back and her lips brushed against Maura's without warning. It was so faint and so distant that it would have been easy to deny that it ever happened but when their eyes found each other they both knew they never could. Maura didn't speak as she finally stepped away from Jane's arms and disappeared out of the alcove, leaving Jane surrounded in darkness on her own.

She covered her face in her hands. She just wanted to go home, turn her back on all of this and wake up tomorrow and find out this never happened. When she lowered her hands she took a deep breath and stepped out of the alcove. Her eyes searched for Maura but she didn't see her. She managed to blend in to the crowd and eventually found Stella instead. She was talking to Sarah and both women looked up when Jane approached.

"Where did you go?" Sarah asked. "I've been looking all over for you."

"Sorry," Jane smiled. "Unfortunately someone believed they were entitled to some of my time." Her eyes darkened when Sarah was about to respond. "I dealt with it."

"Beautiful _and_ strong," Stella smiled and leant in. she kissed Jane on her cheek and then brought her lips close to her ear. "Our paths part here but maybe we'll meet again, Jane."

Jane turned her head and her eyes glistened. "Maybe we will."

"I've called for a cab," Sarah said and when Jane turned to look at her she smiled. "I'll be travelling back with Lindsey tonight."

Jane nodded and quickly kissed Stella on her cheek before turning to leave. The money Lindsey had given her weighed heavy in her bag. To Jane it was just poison. She collected her jacket, zipped it up and stepped out of the gallery, into the cool night. It had started to rain and she quickly got into the backseat of the car. Once seated she took a deep breath and rested her head against the window. It had been a night that opened her eyes. She just wanted to go home. She was tired her. She closed her eyes only to have them snap back open when music filtered through the cab's speakers, straight into her soul.

"…_I'm not the kind to try to tell you lies but the truth is you've been hiding from it too. I see the end sneaking in behind your eyes, saying everything no words could ever do…"_

Her tears came without warning and without end.

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**Lyrics in this chapter:** Sara Bareilles - Hold My Heart


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's note:** I had two scenes in my head when I started writing this story. The first one was at the beginning where Maura returned, waiting on the steps of Jane's building. The second one is the one you are about to read. Oh, bonus points to those of you who find the quote directly taken from a certain season 3 episode - but now put into a different context.

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**Chapter 14**

The sound of the rain hammering on the roof her penthouse was loud but monotone. Jane lay on her back; her hands folded behind her head, and stared at the ceiling. She had kicked the sheets away from her and they lay in a messy pile at the end of the bed. She had been tossing and turning for the last hour and couldn't find a comfortable position to sleep in. In fact, she couldn't sleep at all. Her mind was in overdrive, playing the moment her lips had brushed against Maura's over and over again. She couldn't erase it from her memory and every time she was confronted with those hazel eyes again, Jane groaned to herself. She was frustrated, angry and confused and she didn't know what the hell to do with herself anymore. Her eyes darted to the alarm clock beside the bed. 1.13 AM.

She reached for her cell phone. She had considered calling Maura but every time she came to pressing the call button, she put her phone back down. She didn't know what to say. She didn't even know what had happened. It hadn't really been a kiss but what had it been? Maura had looked so hurt, so broken. It had reminded Jane of herself in the first few weeks after she left. Maura had only been back and already it felt like she had always been here, like she never left, but tonight had painfully reminded them that although it may have felt like nothing changed, things most definitely had.

Jane sighed and sat up. There was no way she was going to get any sleep tonight. She ran her hands through her unruly curls and slipped out of the bed. Dressed in a pair of sweatpants, socks and a simple tank top she padded across the room towards the large windows and pushed the curtains aside. Boston's skyline was lit up by thousands of lights. Even with the raindrops sliding down the darkened glass it still looked mesmerizing. It was a beautiful view but it didn't change anything to fight the loneliness.

Jane was about to turn away when she suddenly spotted something. The car parked across the street looked strangely familiar and her eyes narrowed. The longer she looked the more convinced she became she had seen it before. She stepped away from the window and her eyes darted around the room as if to look for something that wasn't there. Jane took a deep breath and without really thinking she left her penthouse, slammed her fist against the elevator button and stepped inside when the doors slid open. Her heart pounded as she made her way down into the lobby and it wasn't until she reached the entrance door that she remembered that she was in her pyjamas and it was raining outside.

She ignored the cold rain on her skin when she stepped outside. The pavement was cold and wet underneath her feet. Within seconds her socks were drenched and the grey cotton of her top clung to slender her frame. Strands of hair fell into her eyes as she crossed the street towards the car parked alongside the pavement. She knew that bright blue Prius as well as she knew her own car and when she knocked on the window she wasn't even surprised to see Maura's face behind the rain stained glass.

Maura opened the door in shock. "What are you doing outside? It's raining!"

"Well done, genius!" Jane countered. "What are _you _doing outside my building? How did you even know where I was?"

"I followed the cab that drove you home," Maura admitted.

Jane's eyebrows shot up. "You did _what_?!"

"You're not the only one with detective skills, Jane."

"Apparently," Jane said and stared at Maura. By now they were both positively soaked and at any other moment she would have laughed about the absolute craziness of this. Maura still wore her designer dress and Jane was in her pyjamas and without shoes. They looked like a scene ripped straight from a movie and Jane blinked against the rain now dripping into her eyes from her hair. She brushed the drops away and stared at the medical examiner. "Maura, what are you doing here?"

"I need to talk to you," Maura said and her hazel eyes found Jane's dark brown orbs. There was something flickering in Maura's eyes that Jane hadn't seen before. A sense of desperation. Maura's voice cracked when she spoke again. "And I need for you to not say anything. I just need you to listen to me, Jane. Can you do that?"

"Ok," Jane whispered softly. "Ok."

Maura's eyes briefly fluttered shut and she suddenly was grateful for the rain. Now Jane couldn't see where the rain ended and the tears began. She swallowed hard. "I left you, Jane. I left you when you needed me the most and that is something I am going to have to live with for the rest of my life." Her eyes slowly trailed up and found Jane's. "It is something we are both going to have to live with. What happened isn't something we can change but I'd like to think that we can move past this. We're both adults, Jane."

"You didn't just leave," Jane said and she was surprised by the hurt that echoed in her voice. "You walked out and everything… everything I knew just fell apart, Maura."

"Jane…"

"No!" Jane said sharply. "You have apologised over and over again but I don't think you know what it was you did, Maura. You don't know what it's like to be told the man you cared about died on the operating table and you never really got to say goodbye. You don't know what it's like to come running to your best friend, desperate to feel safe and not feel like the world around you is crashing down, only to find out that she did the very same thing." The tears in Jane's eyes were of anger, not just of pain. "You left without saying goodbye and if you think that a damn letter is going to make any difference then you have another thing coming."

This was it. This was the inevitable explosion between them that needed to happen. For too long they had walked on thin ice, waiting for the cracks to get too big and for them to plunge into the cold water that would wake them up. There were things unsaid and not even a confession of 'I missed you' was going to undo the hurt that had been caused. The rain washed away the tears that trickled down Jane's cheeks and her eyes darkened as she looked at Maura. The hurt flashing behind her eyes made Jane's heart ache.

"What else do you want me to say, Jane?" Maura suddenly said. "What is you want to hear?"

Jane looked at Maura, dark brown eyes now almost pleading for an answer. "I want to know _why_."

"You know why."

"Do I?"

"Yes, Jane," Maura whispered. The sound of the rain almost took her voice away. "You do."

"Because you loved me." The words were out before Jane really realised she had actually spoken them out loud. It was enough to make Maura look at her and they stared at each other in the middle of this Beacon Hill road, in the pouring rain, and the world around them slowly faded. "You wrote that you loved me."

Maura cocked her head. "If you know the answers then why ask?"

"Because I don't understand _why _you left. Why you felt like you had to," Jane said softly. "Maura, why did you walk away after telling me? Why didn't you come to me…" She raised her hands and Maura's gaze was subconsciously drawn to the scars on Jane's palms. They had come so far since that first terrible moment. "Why, Maura?"

"Why?" Maura asked. "You're asking why, Jane?" The tears in her eyes stung. They tasted bitter on her lips. "Have you ever wondered what it feels like to see the one person you love look at someone else?" Her words carried all the hurt she had bottled up inside for the past year. Suddenly it was out there and every little bit of reservation that Maura had just slipped away. "Whenever he walked in, my heart broke, Jane. Because of the way you looked at him and because I knew you would never _ever _look at me that way." Hazel eyes, now full of tears, found Jane's. "And tonight, when i knew you were with someone else... Do you know how that feels, Jane? Have you got any idea how much that hurts?!"

Jane didn't answer. She had never seen Maura pour all her emotions into words the way she did now. In fact she couldn't remember ever seeing Maura this upset. The tears on her cheeks laced seamlessly with the rain. Her dress was ruined but she didn't seem to care. Dark drops of mascara ran down her cheeks.

Maura shook her head. "You deserved someone at your side who could be happy for you if Casey survived, Jane. Someone who would smile the moment she saw you in a wedding dress and who would whisper words of happiness in your ear on your wedding day." She swallowed hard as the words struggled to come out. "I deserve someone who feels that way about me too, Jane."

"Oh Maura…"

"Don't," Maura raised her arms up when Jane walked towards her. "I don't know what I was thinking when I came back to Boston. I didn't have a choice. I was going to give myself a month to make up my mind. It would be long enough to decide if I wanted to transfer to another state. I thought I had done enough, had gone far enough, to get away from this, from you, but when I came back to Boston I realised I hadn't."

"What do you mean?" Jane wanted to know and she desperately searched Maura's face. "What are you saying?"

"Nothing's changed, Jane," Maura whispered. "I thought I had done enough to protect myself. Maybe I even believed that I was stronger now but I know I was wrong." She made a helpless gesture with her hand. "Look at us, we're standing in the pouring rain, shouting things at each other but we're not going anywhere." When she captured Jane's eyes she sadly smiled. "Where are we, Jane?"

"Beacon Hill?" Jane tried but when Maura didn't smile she hung her head. "I don't know, Maura."

"Tell me how you feel."

"Maura…"

"I need to know, Jane."

Jane stared up at the dark sky over their heads and the rain poured directly into her eyes. "I don't know, Maura. I was angry when you left. I needed you and suddenly you weren't there anymore." She felt her heart sank as she remembered the moment she had found the letter. "But when you were gone, after a while, I realised that I wasn't angry anymore." She slowly walked towards Maura and stopped right in front of her. They weren't as close as they had been earlier that night but she could see every raindrop sliding down Maura's cheek just like she had seen the tears. "I realised I missed you and all I wanted was for you to come back."

Maura shook her head. "Don't say things you don't mean, Jane."

"Listen to me," Jane urged and suddenly she grasped Maura's hands between her own. Her fingers were numb and Jane resisted bringing them up to her lips to blow them warm. "I didn't know what happened, Maura, but I realised that I had been looking for something, I just didn't know what that something was. I wanted someone to make me smile, to make me happy and to make me feel safe. I wanted someone who was there when I needed them to be, someone who knew me better than I knew myself. I thought Casey was the person who did all of those things but it wasn't until he was gone that I realised I had been wrong all this time."

Maura's eyes darkened a few shades as Jane's words slowly sank in.

"_You_ did all those things to me, Maura. I just didn't know it. I didn't know that it was you and when you were gone it was too late to tell you." Jane shook her head. The earth shattering realisation that she loved Maura had rocked her world and she had spent months trying to understand if there was ever going to be a way to make this right. "I should have taken my head out of the sand a long time ago and I should have seen the world for what it was but I didn't and it almost cost me the most beautiful thing my life has ever known." Dark eyes connected with Maura's. "It almost cost me you." She shook her head. "It was never Casey I loved." She wiped a stray tear from her cheek. "We're just people, Maura. Two people who have been through some bad things and… I fell in love with you."

"Jane…," Maura whispered but Jane quickly covered her lips with her fingers.

"I know you said you've let me go and I respect that, Maura. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for being a jerk and not seeing what was right in front of me all this time but I was scared. God, I am still scared now. I have never loved anyone before. Not like this, anyway." Jane smiled shyly. "I don't know what to do, Maura. Are things different when it's two women? Is it different when they're friends? I don't know what's going to happen next but I'd like to find out." She released her breath. "With you."

Maura's eyes fluttered shut and Jane nervously searched the medical examiner's face. "Maura, please say something…"

"I don't know what to say." It came out so quietly that Jane could barely hear her and she moved even closer to Maura. Her hands found their way onto Maura's hips like they had done at the art gallery and their gazes locked. "Where did we go so wrong?"

"It doesn't matter now," Jane said softly, her grip on Maura's hips tightening. "What matters is that from now on we get it right."

"What are we going to do?" Maura whispered.

"Start over," Jane answered as she slowly leant in. Her lips were maybe an inch from Maura's. She could see every tear drop; she felt her warm breath against her warm skin. Even now that she was soaking wet, she could still smell Maura's perfume. A slight smile spread across her face and one hand left Maura's hip and brushed a strand of hair from her face. Cold fingers brushed against wet skin. Jane's touch lingered, leaving Maura's skin burning in its wake. "Or move on."

Maura's whispered words reached Jane's ear. "I never meant to hurt you."

"I know," Jane answered and her lip ghosted across Maura's the same way she had done in the gallery. Tentative and hesitant, as if waiting for permission. The contact was minimal and yet it was enough to set Jane's insides on fire. Maura's arms somehow found their way around Jane's neck and up into her hair. All they felt was warmth breath against cold wet skin.

Jane softly pressed her lips against Maura's. A little firmer this time, a touch long enough to be felt but not long enough to invite anything more. It was a chaste kiss, still full of nerves and questions. Those feelings didn't start to fade until Maura leant in for another kiss, a little hungrier this time. Jane responded and felt Maura's fingers tighten around strands of her hair. When she felt Maura's lips softly tug at her bottom lip Jane moved deeper into the kiss eagerly and the tip of her tongue pressed carefully against Maura's mouth. When the honey blonde examiner slowly parted her lips and greeted Jane's tongue with her own, Jane felt her heart jolt in her chest.

It was a careful and slow first kiss but when they parted and Jane peered at Maura through her eyelashes she realised it had been everything she had ever wanted it to be. Maura looked back at her, hazel eyes full of questions, but the initial fear subsides when she noticed Jane hadn't pulled back. She rested her head against Jane's shoulder and the detective's arms wrapped protectively around Maura's body, pulling her closer.

"We're going to catch our deaths out here," Maura whispered as she listened to Jane's heartbeat. They were wet and cold. Maura could barely feel her fingers. "You should go inside, Jane."

"Come with me," Jane whispered and when Maura looked up, arching an eyebrow, she shook her head, a sly smile tugging at her cheeks. "To _sleep_, Maura. I wasn't going to suggest anything else. I don't want you driving home like this." She kissed the top of Maura's head. "Stay with me."

"What if someone sees me?"

Jane grinned as she reached for Maura's hand. "I'll tell them you paid."

"Ok," Maura whispered and followed Jane across the street and back into the apartment building. They left wet marks all over the lobby floor and in the elevator. As the doors slid closed Jane looked at Maura. Their hands were still linked but they didn't speak. They didn't need to. Their eyes said what words could not begin to describe and when the doors slid open Jane went ahead and led Maura out of the elevator and across the hall tp the penthouse. Now that they were inside she realised how cold she was and she looked back over her shoulder to see Maura shivering.

"You should go and take a shower," she said softly as she opened the door and stepped inside. "I'll get you some dry clothes while you're in there."

As Maura walked past her the medical examiner unexpectedly turned and captured Jane's lips between her own. The kiss caught the detective unawares and for a second she didn't know what to do with her arms but ended up wrapping them around Maura's neck as the honey blonde pushed her against the open door. The contact with the wood surprised both of them and Maura broke away, her eyes flickering with all kinds of emotions Jane had yet to recognise, and she smiled. Jane rested her forehead against Maura's and smiled too.

In the dark of the penthouse Maura didn't get to admire its beauty and Jane just led her across the hall to the bathroom. Maura lingered in the open door as Jane went into the walk-in wardrobe and returned with an oversized sweater. When Maura raised an eyebrow in question Jane shrugged. "It's all I could find in the dark."

"Thank you," Maura smiled and took the clothes Jane gave her. She slowly turned away and closed the door behind her. Seconds later Jane heard the shower running and she used that moment to slump down to the floor, back against the bathroom door and ran her fingers through her hair. She felt the euphoria spread through her body and she giggled to herself like some giddy fifteen year old schoolgirl. Maura was here with her. She had come back for her, in one way or another. Or maybe they had come back to each other.

About ten minutes later Jane heard the shower go off and she quickly stood up. She heard footsteps on the other end of the door and a few seconds later it opened. Maura appeared, wearing the sweater and with her hair neatly brushed out of her face. All traces of make-up and tears had been washed away and she looked as beautiful as Jane ever remembered her being. Maura smiled shyly as she walked into the bedroom and sat down on the mattress, her eyes lingering on Jane.

"You should shower too," she said softly. "The water's lovely."

Jane just nodded and stepped into the bathroom. When she stepped into the shower she could smell the scent of coconut and picked up the same bottle of shower gel Maura had used. She quickly washed her hair, scrubbed herself down and allowed the warm water to slowly bring her body back to normal temperature. As she titled her head back to rinse out the shampoo, she couldn't stop thinking about Maura sitting in the other room.

She wrapped a towel around herself and dried her hair as best as she could before walking back into the bedroom. Maura had moved across the bed, now sitting up against the head board with a pillow behind her back and her legs pulled up towards her chest. Her hazel eyes followed Jane across the room and they both seemed to be very aware of the fact Jane only wore a towel. Jane felt a blush creep onto her cheeks as stepped into the walk-in wardrobe and grabbed the first t-shirt and shorts she could find. Now dressed she walked back into the bedroom and circled the bed. Maura sat where she had been sleeping earlier.

Maura lay down as Jane got into the bed and moved closer to her, eventually resting her head against Jane's chest. The soft, comforting rhythm of her heartbeat was soothing and she sighed contently when Jane's fingers laced through her hair. Jane's warm lips kissed Maura's forehead. "I'm glad you came back."

"Me too," Maura whispered. "Maybe sometimes you have to leave to find what you always wanted."

Jane chuckled. "Or maybe we're just idiots."

"It's not every day you find someone who can put up with you, Jane," Maura smiled into Jane's chest.

"Are you saying that I'm difficult?"

"I'm saying you're special."

Jane snuggled a little deeper into Maura and wrapped the sheets around both their bodies. "You're special too, Maura."


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's note: **WOW, I think my inbox practically exploded after all your reviews for the previous chapter. You guys are the best. I struggled for quite a while to get this chapter going but towards the end I had to hold myself back. That's how quick things can change. Enjoy and I am doing the best I can to keep the updates daily but I'm afraid I can't promise anything. ~Cissy**  
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**Chapter 15**

Jane woke up to the feeling of a soft hand caressing her stomach. Lazy eyes fluttered open and she blinked against the weak morning sunlight filtering into the room. For just a moment her brain failed to understand where she was or whose hand it was that touched her but then the images from the previous night flooded back into her mind. Jane glanced beside her and found Maura looking at her. The honey blonde medical examiner smiled when she noticed Jane was awake but didn't withdraw her hand. Jane felt herself drowning in the intensity of Maura's hazel eyes.

"Hey."

Maura leant in and brushed her lips against Jane's cheek. "Hi."

"Did you sleep ok?" Jane whispered and her hand trailed through Maura's hair. It was soft and smooth, even first thing in the morning, and she enjoyed the sensation of feeling the other woman lying against her chest. The sheets were draped loosely around them and in the morning glow Maura looked perhaps even more beautiful. Jane already loved how the light reflected in her hair and in her eyes.

"Best night sleep I've had in a while," Maura said softly, her breath warm against Jane's cheek. "How about you?"

Jane smiled. "I guess I can say the same." Her eyes instinctively darted to the alarm clock and she signed. The cruel reality of the world around them came crashing down on her. "Aren't you supposed to go to work?"

"I just wanted to see you wake up before I left," Maura answered. "If you hadn't woken up by yourself, I would have done it myself." She propped herself up on her elbow and rested her chin the palm of her hand. "I haven't got anything to wear though." Her eyes briefly darted to the messy pile of wet clothes lying abandoned on the bedroom floor.

"I'm sure there's something in that wardrobe that will fit you," Jane answered with a smile. "Help yourself."

Maura didn't move and Jane realised that Maura didn't actually want to leave the bed. She didn't want her to leave either. She wanted to stay here for the rest of the day and watched the golden rays of sunshine dance across Maura's hair. She wanted to count the tiny freckles across her cheeks and kiss every inch she could find. She wanted to forget that out there a killer still needed to be found and women got paid to sleep around. She wanted time to freeze.

The sound of a phone vibrating made both women look up, disturbed from the quiet moment in which they had simply been looking at each other, and Maura sighed in dismay when she realised it was hers. She pushed the sheets away and slipped out of bed. Jane's eyes roamed freely over Maura's frame as the doctor walked around the bed and searched through her clothes for her phone. Maura's legs were bronzed by the sun and covered with the same light dusting of freckles that covered her cheeks. The oversized sweater fell around her chest and hips and when she looked up her honey blonde hair danced around her face. Everything about what she saw made Jane wish this didn't have to be the end of their time together.

"Doctor Isles," Maura answered and her hazel eyes fond Jane's. She smiled but it faltered as the message on the other side of the line sank in. "Okay, what is the address?" She nodded. "Do not touch or remove the body and wait for my arrival. Cordon off the crime scene and make sure to keep the first officer on the scene so the detectives can interview him." She hung up.

"Homicide?" Jane questioned. A sense of longing settled in her chest. She wanted to go out there, walk onto the crime scene and fit the pieces of the puzzle together herself. She already missed that part of her job. She missed being part of something.

"Looks that way," Maura answered. "Unless the victim fell into that knife of their own accord."

Jane slipped out of bed too and walked up to the medical examiner. "Take what you need from the wardrobe. I'm sure nobody's going to notice it isn't exactly yours." She let her hand run along Maura's cheek and leant in. Soft lips brushed against each other and Maura leant in, longing for this to be endless. When Jane pulled away Maura was reminded that she had to go and get dressed and she walked across the room to the walk in wardrobe. Jane smiled when she heard the other woman gasp in appreciation.

Jane went about making the bed and when she had finished rearranging the pillows she turned around to find Maura walking out of the wardrobe. She was now wearing a light blue dress and matching shoes and had grabbed a white leather jacket to finish off the look. She smiled when she noticed Jane's eyes wandering over her body and brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. "It isn't exactly what I would choose myself but it will do for now."

"You look lovely," Jane whispered in admiration.

"Not nearly as lovely as you did last night," Maura smiled. "You should dress up like that more often, Jane."

"Until this case is solved I'll be dressing up like that night after night," Jane sighed. "I can't wait to wear my own sweatpants again."

"Call me later?" Maura asked as she walked up to Jane and left a chaste kiss on her lips. The lingering scent from shampoo and shower gel prickled her nose and she smiled when Jane leant in to steal a second kiss. "I just want to know you're going to be allright."

"I'm a big girl," Jane smiled. "I'm expecting Lindsey to call me for another date tonight. I might try and get hold of some of the other girls. Maybe one of them can tell me about what Steve was up to before he died." She shook her head. "I've seen some of them, Maura. Most of these girls are high on coke. I'd be too if I had ended up selling myself to the highest bidder every single night."

"Just be careful," Maura reminded her and glanced at her watch. "I really need to go. This time of day it's going to take me forty minutes to get to South Boston. Traffic's a nightmare."

One last kiss and then she was gone. Jane watched her walk out of the bedroom and had to hold herself back from following her. Instead she walked to the window, like she had done the previous night, and stared through the glass until she saw Maura walk towards her car. Her heart leapt in her chest and she smiled as she watched Maura climb behind the wheel. Seconds later the blue Prius had disappeared. Jane turned away from the window and walked across the bedroom. She switched on the shower in the bathroom and let the water run for a little while.

She brushed her teeth and looked at herself in the mirror. She couldn't quite comprehend what had happened last night. She and Maura had finally spoken out what they'd both tried to hide, maybe even deny, for way too long and although the wounds from the past had not been healed overnight, Jane knew they had made progress. There were things they had to talk about, things they still had to understand, but for now they had found a way back to where they used to be. Eventually they would also find a way that led them forward, away from the damaged they had suffered and towards something better, something so much more beautiful. They were going to do this together.

_Together_. The thought made her smile.

Jane took a quick shower and when she got out she dried her hair and bound it in a simple ponytail. She chose a basic white set of lingerie from the drawer and inspected herself in the mirror before taking one of the wires and hooking it behind her bra. She made sure to hide the microphone in her cleavage and strapped the rest around her stomach. From the wardrobe she took a pair of designer jeans that hung low on her hips and a simple white long sleeved shirt with a low cut V-neck. She finished it off by tucking her jeans into a pair of knee length black leather boots and a black leather jacket. She then walked back into the bathroom and applied a small amount of foundation across her face and added some mascara and lip-gloss. The silver jewellery she had worn the previous night still lay on the sink and she put the earrings back in before hanging the necklace around her neck. The woman in the mirror looked little to nothing like the usual Jane Rizzoli.

After leaving the bathroom Jane grabbed one of the handbags and walked across the penthouse to the door. Since moving in she hadn't used the kitchen for anything else other than to take water from the fridge. She'd gotten into the habit of getting her coffee from the Starbucks around the corner. She locked the door to her temporary home behind her and scrolled through the few contacts in her cell phone. Sarah had put her number in it the night they met and Jane hit the dial button.

"Jane?" Sarah's sleepy voice asked on the other side of the line. "Is everything allright?"

"Yeah, everything's cool," Jane answered as she pressed the button for the elevator. "I was wondering if you could get me into Lindsey's office, or maybe Madeleine's?"

"Why would you want to do that?" Sarah sounded a little more awake now.

"I'm going to have to find out one way or another if there are any pictures of Steve and the man he was seeing," Jane said and stepped into the elevator. "Have you got the address?"

"I'll meet you there. I can be there in fifteen minutes," Sarah answered. "Lindsey shouldn't be in for another hour or so but I know she wants to see you anyway so expect her to call you. There's a charity ball tonight."

"Let me guess, someone needs a date?"

"Someone's asked for you," Sarah answered. "Apparently they saw you at the art gallery."

Jane rolled her eyes. "Of course they did." The doors started to close. "I'm getting into an elevator now. Text me the address and I'll meet you at the office." She hung up and turned to the mirror to inspect her reflection. She remembered Maura saying she had liked the way she looked the previous night and it brought a smile to her face. Although she found getting dressed up like this somewhat of a burden, it did boost her confidence. She'd never been one to care for make-up or the way her hair fell, much to her mother's desperation.

The elevator doors opened and Jane walked through the lobby and stepped out of the building. The streets were still wet and the surfaces glistened in the morning sunlight. She crossed the road and walked for half a block before reaching Starbucks. The line was short and she waited patiently until she could place her order. The girl behind the counter was friendly. Jane guessed she was maybe twenty-one and she wore a silver nose ring. As she wrote Jane's name on the cup she spotted the Chinese symbol tattooed on her wrist.

Her phone bleeped to announce a text message and Jane checked the screen to see Sarah's name. She opened the message and read the address. It wasn't far away but when she walked out of the coffee bar she hailed a cab anyway. Jane climbed into the back and sipped from her coffee as the driver quickly found his way around the streets of Beacon Hill. She saw him look at her in his rear view mirror and when she met his gaze, giving him a piercing glare, he quickly looked back at the road.

He pulled up outside a tall office building. The outside had been decorated with white marble and the windows were tinted, allowing those inside to look out but pedestrians walking past couldn't look in. It was at least fifteen stories high and Jane paid the driver before letting her gaze trail up the full length of the building. A fancy looking porter held the door for her when she walked up to him and smiled. "Good morning, ma'am."

"Good morning," Jane returned the polite greeting and her gaze lingered on the large silver sign outside the door. It had been engraved with bold black letters. Madeleine's McKenna's name was printed next to a large silver number six. Next to her name the words FASHION DESIGNER made Jane snort. She walked into the building and found herself standing in a large, brightly lit lobby. A large crystal chandelier hung in the middle of the ceiling. A large mahogany counter was home to a receptionist and bellboy and Jane felt like she had just stepped into an expensive hotel. Several black leather armchairs stood in the corner of the lobby, surrounded by plants in expensive looking silver pots. The floor was covered in marble, like the outside the building, and reflected the light from the chandelier.

"Jane!"

She turned around when she heard Sarah's voice behind her and saw her walk into the lobby. She looked a little rushed but before Jane could ask her what was going on Sarah had grabbed her arm and pulled her towards the elevator. "I had a phone call from Rita this morning."

"What?! Why?" Jane wanted to know. "We're not supposed to be meeting her until the end of the week."

Sarah glanced over her shoulder towards the receptionist but the girl seemed too engrossed in her work to pay any attention to them. "Someone sent pictures of Steve to the police."

"Really?" Jane hissed. "Did she say what kind of pictures?"

They stepped into the elevator and the doors closed. Sarah's eyes darted up to the door and when Jane followed her gaze she noticed the security camera. She knew better than to ask Sarah what Rita had said until they were out of the elevator. The short ride was uncomfortable and silent and when the doors opened on the sixth floor Sarah was quick to step out. Jane followed. Sarah opened her handbag and pushed an envelope into Jane's hands.

"She emailed them to me before I came out to meet you." She swallowed hard. "They are rather compromising photos, Jane."

Jane opened the envelope and flicked through the pictures. She immediately understood what Sarah meant. The pictures showed Steve at a party, his arms wrapped around an unknown male. The man's face was hidden from the camera. The next picture showed them kissing and as she continued she found him snorting cocaine from the glass table in the middle of the room.

"Steve's Lieutenant said that he was often supplied with drugs," Jane answered and carefully slipped the pictures into her own bag. "Cops working undercover in Narcotics are often expected to take drugs themselves to blend in."

"Steve wasn't working Narcotics," Sarah reminded her and Jane looked up when she said it. Sarah's eyes found hers and Jane realised that she was being deadly serious. "He was working Vice, remember? You said he didn't have a problem with selling himself but I'm sure that taking drugs wasn't part of the deal."

"Unless he told Copperfield something else, I can't imagine it would have been," Jane sighed. "What about the man in the pictures with him? Do you know who he is?"

Sarah shook her head. "Seems he was very good at hiding himself but these pictures were taken to make Steve look bad. It's like whoever took them knew that he wasn't really an escort. If an escort is with a client, neither of them is in a position to hide their faces. In fact, they don't hide anything at all. The guy in these picture seems very weary of the camera."

"You think he set this up?" Jane asked. "Maybe he knew who Steve was?"

Sarah shrugged. "Could be. You said that Steve had some powerful clients."

"Lawyers and prosecutors," Jane answered. "From what I heard they're married with children. Not the type of man who would want to be associated with a male escort." She sighed. "I'll get these pictures to Homicide. Maybe they can find out something." Her dark eyes searched Sarah's face. "What else did Rita say?"

"Just to be careful," Sarah said softly. "And I have to agree."

"What do you mean?"

Sarah averted her eyes. "Maybe Steve's not the first escort to find some kind of an unfortunate end."

Jane's eyes widened and she stared at the younger woman. "You mean this has happened before?"

"Jorja Sanchez," Sarah spoke the name so quietly that Jane could barely hear her. "If you want to know what happened to her, maybe you should mention her name to one of your Homicide buddies."

"Did she work here?" Jane asked.

Sarah swallowed hard. "She came here with me."

Before Jane could ask anything else, the soft ping of the elevator hinted the arrival of somebody else and the two women turned around. The door's slid open and Jane's heart sank when she saw Lindsey walk onto the floor. The older woman seemed surprised to see Sarah and Jane and she cocked her head. "What are you two doing here?"

"I thought I'd show Jane around," Sarah answered before Jane got a chance to come up with a reply. Her face remained emotionless and Jane silently complimented the other woman on her ability to lie. "When we left last night you mentioned something about a charity ball tonight. I was just going to show Jane a list of our expected clientele."

"You know where the folders are," Lindsey said and she looked at Jane from head toe. "You seem to have struck a few chords, Jane. I've been receiving phone calls about you all morning."

Jane arched an eyebrow. "Really?"

Lindsey smiled. "Are you sure you haven't done any thing like this before?" When Jane shook her head she sighed. "I wish some of the other girls were as patient as you." She glanced at Sarah. "I think we need to do something about Katie and Leila."

"Why?" Sarah asked wearily. "What happened?"

"I received a complaint." Lindsey sounded agitated. "Can you see to it that you reschedule their current plans? I think Juanita and Jasmine should be available for tonight. Let them take their places. I don't want those two anywhere near any of our clients right now." Without looking back at Jane and Sarah she strutted across the hall and disappeared into one of the offices. When Jane turned to Sarah she recognised the desperation in her eyes.

"What was all of that about?"

"Leila is illegal," Sarah whispered. "Madeleine brought her into the States under the pretence that she would be a catwalk model. Very few girls do this job out of choice. She and Katie often work together but Katie got Leila into drugs. I think Lindsey finally figured that out."

"I thought drugs were a standard part of the job?" Jane whispered. "Why is she so hot on these two?"

"Because it's one thing for your girls to use drugs but if your costumers complain because they are too high to do what is expected of them, you know you've got an addict," Sarah explained. "In this line of business addicts can't be trusted. Most of them will end up stealing money and they'll make the organisation look bad." She swallowed hard as she stared down at the floor. "Jorja was an addict."

"What will she do?" Jane asked and looked back at the office door through which Lindsey had disappeared. "What's going to happen to Leila and Katie?"

"Lindsey will tip off one of her buddies at Immigration and Leila will be sent back to Russia," Sarah whispered.

"And Katie?"

Sarah didn't answer and Jane's eyes darkened. "What will happen to Katie?"

"Whatever Lindsey deems fit. She can't risk Katie telling anyone about what goes on here if she fires her, nor can she risk Katie working for another escort service because she knows who our clients are so Lindsey will find some other way to get rid of her."

"Is that what happens around here?!" Jane whispered in horror. She had never heard anyone speak with such a disregard for human life. A cold shiver crept down her spine and she looked down to find she had subconsciously clenched her fists. The scars on her hands itched. "They just 'get rid' of them?"

"Madeleine has a couple of guys on her payroll that can make any death look like an accident. Not to mention that she owns a few people within the police department who will turn a blind eye if needed."

"Oh my God."

"Don't act so surprised, Jane. How else do you think organisations like this one survive?"

Jane stared in Sarah in shock. She hadn't expected the younger woman to speak with such distance in her voice. It was as if she had totally disconnected herself from any kind of emotion. "You knew this was happening and you didn't say anything?! How long have you been a part of this?!"

"I did what I could," Sarah hissed through clenched teeth. The anger echoed through her words. "One day my best friend was still here and the next she was gone. I tried to get her off the drugs but one her clients kept supplying her behind Lindsey's back. He liked a girl who couldn't refuse, you see." Tears glistened in her eyes and she bit her lip. "What happens here is disgraceful but if I open my mouth I'll end up the same way Jorja did. What help am I going to be to any of these girls if I can't talk to Rita anymore, huh?"

"Rita knows about this?"

"She can't do anything, Jane. I can't prove that Madeleine or Lindsey was involved in Jorja's death, the same way you can't prove that they killed Steve." Her eyes hardened and she detected the change in Jane's appearance as the detective's stoic mask faltered. "You hadn't even considered that it could be one of them, did you? You just thought about the possibility that it was a client. Maybe Madeleine found out Steve was a cop. Maybe they killed him like they killed my best friend."

Jane sighed. "This is going way deeper than I thought."

"It always does. Nothing like this is ever what it seems, Jane."

"You're going to have to tell me who's doing the killing, Sarah. I have to tell my partner in Homicide. Maybe they can find a trail, however small, that can lead us to bringing this whole thing down," Jane said softly.

Her dark eyes darted around the floor they were standing on. A fashion designer, she thought. Madeleine McKenna is using fashion as a cover for prostitution, drugs and homicide. She promised these girls a career as a model only to exploit them as sex slaves. She blackmailed men and women who paid for the company of these girls and the girls themselves were nothing more than victims, trapped in a world from which they couldn't escape.

One way or another she would have to find a way to put a stop to this. She looked back at Sarah and saw the pain behind the younger woman's eyes. She was the only hope Sarah had to find justice for her friend. She had to end this, one way or another.


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's note:** So yesterday was the first day I missed an update. I am back today but I am afraid I will miss tomorrow's too. I am hitting a very busy week, both professionally and personally. I hope that – permitting the meeting I am expected to attend on Wednesday doesn't take all day- I can get an update written for Wednesday night. You guys have been wonderful with all your comments and reviews. Now, because I missed yesterday, I added a little something extra into this chapter. Sit back and enjoy…

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**Chapter 16**

The anger in the pit of her stomach didn't have anywhere to go. The frustrations Jane felt over what Sarah had told her drove her to near insanity and it resulted in her almost tearing off her fancy clothes and replacing them with her sweatpants and a tank top. She found a pair of running shoes amongst the high heeled pumps in the wardrobe, tied her hair in a ponytail and left the penthouse. She didn't warm up. She didn't do her usual stretches. She just ran for as long as she could as fast as she could in an attempt to get rid of some of her anger. By the time she got back to the apartment building, covered in sweat and her heart pounding in her chest, she was still angry. It hadn't made a difference.

She took a shower and shaved her legs and armpits. She used some of the expensive body scrub and inhaled the scent. It smelt of flowers and she wasn't quite sure if she liked it. She finished off with the coconut scented shower gel and remained under the flowing water for almost half an hour. By the time she got out her skin was no longer smooth but wrinkled and slightly dry. She applied body cream but didn't enjoy the feeling of her hands on her skin. Her eyes darted to the clock. It was three o'clock in the afternoon. She still had five hours before she was expected at the charity dinner. She wasn't looking forward to it.

With the soft towel still wrapped around her body Jane walked across the bedroom and picked up her new cell phone. She found Maura's number and hit the dial button. Anticipation settled in her chest as she waited for the medical examiner to answer.

"This is Doctor Isles."

"Maura, it's me," Jane said.

"Jane?" Maura asked. "I didn't recognise your number."

"They gave me a new phone," Jane said softly. "I was going to give you the number." She ran her hand through her wet hair and her eyes lingered on the bed. She smiled as she remembered Maura lying beside her, a smile gracing her lips. She would give just about anything to have that moment back. She swallowed hard and hoped Maura wouldn't hear the hesitation in her voice. "How's it going?"

"It's been a busy morning," Maura answered and Jane could hear she sounded slightly perky. She wished she could be there. Even standing in a morgue over a body that had been cut open seemed a better place to be than this empty penthouse right now. She almost longed for the smell of desinifectant and decomp combined with that of rubber gloves. Jane never thought she'd find herself pining for a morgue.

"Did you finish the autopsy on your knife victim?" Jane wanted to know. She walked across the room to the window. Once she and Maura used to have conversations like this all the time. It felt like a lifetime ago but at the same time it was comforting and familiar to hear her voice. As she stared out of the window she looked at the spot where Maura's car had been the previous night. A large dark blue SUV stood in that same spot now.

"Yes," Maura answered. "He suffered six stab wounds, one of which perforated his atrioventricular valve." The slight echo of her voice hinted that she was still standing in the morgue. "All the blood had gathered on the victims back."

"Meaning he was lying face up when he was stabbed," Jane concluded. "Anything else?"

"You're not working this case, Jane," Maura said softly. "But there was obvious bruising around the wrists. Not only was the victim lying on his back when he was stabbed, his hands were tied too. Someone wanted to make very sure he wasn't going anywhere when they killed him." She paused. "Detective Crowe is working the case."

Jane sighed. "There's something I need you to do for me."

"What is it?"

"Have you given that list to Frost yet?" Jane asked.

"As soon as I came in this morning."

Jane heaved a sigh. She longed to spend time with her partner. She wanted to be back at Homicide, investigating crimes like she did any other day of the year. She didn't want to be trapped in this penthouse, trapped in the appearance of a high class hooker, pretending to be something she wasn't. She didn't want to lose the Jane she had been because of this. "Did he say anything?"

"No," Maura answered. "I wonder if Cavanaugh has told him and Korsak about the undercover operation."

"I need you to ask him about a girl named Jorja Suarez," Jane said softly.

"Who's she?"

Jane turned away from the window and walked back to the bed. She sank down on the soft mattress and let her fingers dance across the sheets. The image of Sarah's tormented eyes earlier that morning stirred some of the anger in her stomach again. She wanted to end this and a hint of tears laced her voice. "She was Sarah's friend. I think she was murdered."

"Oh Jane," Maura said softly. There was something about the way she said it. It was comforting and delicate, as if by just whispering her name she could take away some of Jane's agony. "What makes you say that?"

"Sarah told me," Jane answered. "I need to do something, Maura. These girls are forced into something they don't wanna do. Tell Frost and Korsak to look into some of these girls. One of them is called Leila. She's illegal and Lindsey said she wants to get rid of her. She made a threat towards Katie and Sarah thinks whatever happened to Jorja will happen to her as well. They treat them like garbage, like they're nothing. Who can look at another human being this way and treat them like that?"

"I don't know," Maura replied tentatively. "I know you'll find a way, Jane. It's what you do. You will find a way to help these girls."

"Sarah gave me some photos this morning," Jane said. "Do you think you can drop by tomorrow to pick them up? I'd bring them myself but I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Sure," Maura answered and she took a deep breath. "Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"Please be careful tonight."

Jane's eyes fluttered shut as Maura's words sank in. Tears welled up in her eyes and in her chest her heart suddenly broke. This wasn't fair. It wasn't right. She had made this choice by becoming a cop but Maura hadn't asked to become a part of this. The tears trickled silently down her cheeks and she wiped them away, hoping Mayra wouldn't hear that she was crying. "I promise."

She hung up without waiting for Maura to say something else and clutched the phone close to her chest as more tears chased down her face. She couldn't remember the last time she had cried like this. Tears of bitterness and anger, not just of pain. She'd hurt before. She knew what it was like to feel hurt but this was new; this was the feeling where she knew she was putting her hurt on others. Maura was frightened because of her, because of what she was doing. She didn't want Maura to be afraid.

Jane took a deep breath and stood up. She grabbed a clean sweater and a pair of shorts and put them on before padding across the penthouse and taking a drink from the fridge. She fell down on the couch and switched on the TV, switching immediately to ESPN. It was her habit, something she had always done when she tried to kill time. She watched the updates on the baseball and football and wore under her breath when she noticed the Red Sox had lost their game the previous night.

The hours passed slowly. She watched the minutes pass on the clock, willing time to freeze and speed up at the same time. In her mind she played Sarah's words over and over again. Lindsey's threat to Katie and Leila worried her. She didn't want to think about what would happen to those girls if Lindsey got her way. They'd end up the same way as Jorja or Steve.

By five o'clock she couldn't stand it any longer and got up from the couch. She went back to the bedroom and searched through the collection of dresses. Her gaze fell on a white strapless cocktail dress that reached about halfway down her thighs. She took it out of the wardrobe and back into the bedroom and opened the lingerie drawer. She chose a simple pair of white laced panties and bra. She pulled her sweater over her head and turned to the mirror. Now only wearing her shirts she strapped the wire to her body and double checked the tape. She noticed that it was almost full and took a new one from the drawer and replaced it.

Jane carefully slipped the dress over her head and pulled down across her body. The fabric felt soft and smooth against her skin and she readjusted it until she was happy with the way it clung around her breasts and hips. She reached around her back and zipped it up. She then walked into the bathroom and used a few hairclips to pin up her raven curls. The olive tone of her skin formed a sensual contrast against the white dress. She applied make-up, paying attention to her eyes, and even sat down to paint her nails. The jet black nail polish matched her hair. The dark eyeliner and mascara accented her eyes, bringing out the intensity of their colour. The hint of lip gloss finished off her look.

From the jewellery drawer in the wardrobe she took a necklace with a small black pendant and hung it around her neck. It came with a matching set of earrings and a bracelet and when she was finished Jane barely recognised herself in the mirror. She had looked good on previous nights but somehow something was different tonight. Perhaps it was the virginal white colour that clung to her body, or maybe it was just the feeling that she was desperate to make a change.

Jane left her penthouse just after seven and hailed a cab outside her building. The driver smiled as she got into the backseat and turned around to ask her where she was going. "Big night tonight?"

"You have no idea," she answered and gave him the address.

The driver readjusted the rear view mirror and Jane could see him check her out. There was no shame in the way he was doing it. He didn't even try to hide. "Well, whoever he is, he sure is lucky."

"Let's hope he realises that too," Jane replied absentmindedly and stared out of the window throughout the journey. The many streetlights illuminated the streets of Boston, creating an atmosphere of mystery and beauty. She had lived in this city all her life, this was where she felt at home, but she had started a different side to it now. There were things happening she didn't know anything about. She was proud to be a Bostonian but tonight she loathed it. She loathed that she was part of something like Lindsey and Madeleine. This city shouldn't be tearing girls' lives apart. Boston was supposed to give them a chance, an opportunity, to a better life but instead it took it away.

The cab pulled up outside the old fashioned colonial manor house located just outside of Boston and Jane looked up at the banner draped from the balcony. Annual Scholarship and Inaugural Ball for the Medical Society of Massachusetts was spelled out in big black letters and Jane swallowed an unexpected lump in her throat when she got out of the cab. She paid the driver, readjusted her dress and looked around. Chauffeur driven town cars and limousines pulled up left, right and centre and people dressed in tuxedos and dresses that cost more than her yearly pay check got out. She was surrounded by surgeons and other medical staff and Jane glanced back up at the building. Candles in glass lanterns illuminated the stairs leading to the double doors. Someone had gone through a lot of effort to impress those attending tonight.

Jane slowly made her way up the stairs and reached the glass front doors. A man dressed in a suit and with a black top hat held the door for her and she smiled in appreciation. When she walked inside she was welcomed by the sound of violins playing softly. People were standing around in small groups in the entrance hall and her eyes searched for a face she recognised. She was about to walk towards one of the waiters to take a glass of champagne when she suddenly found Lindsey appearing from a small group of men. The older woman spotted her and smiled. Jane walked towards her but froze in her tracks when she realised Lindsey wasn't alone. There was somebody walking beside her.

Jane's heart stopped. The world around her just faded until there was nothing left but the person walking next to Lindsey. Her eyes lingered on the other woman's frame, dropping down towards her feet before slowly trailing back up along her legs, across her hips and chest towards her face. She had to fight herself to not let her jaw drop. There were hundreds of things she wanted to do but she couldn't. She was immobilised. She couldn't move.

"Jane," Lindsey said and gestured to the woman standing next to her. "This is Maura."

"Hi," Maura said and smiled as she extended her hand. Her hazel eyes found Jane's and held them. What she saw troubled her. Jane's eyes darkened, as if anger replaced the initial shock. Jane's hand found Maura's and the second their fingers grazed against each other, the sudden electricity jolted them both to life. Jane's heart slowly started beating again but the blood rushed through her ears, leaving her spinning.

"I'll leave you two to get to know each other," Lindsey said and looked from Jane to Maura and back. She turned around and walked away, disappearing into the crowd.

Jane's hand slipped out of Maura's and she grabbed the medical examiner's arm. The ever growing crowd swallowed them up and they blended in seamlessly. Dark eyes found Maura's and she stared at the other woman in shock. Her voice cracked as she spoke. "What the_ hell_ are you doing here?"

"I'm here to be with you," Maura said softly and she searched Jane's face. "The other night at the art gallery…"

"It was you who asked Lindsey to go on a date with me?" Jane hissed and she let go of Maura's arm. The anger in her voice was obvious. "And you didn't think to tell me this?" Maura just stared at her. "Does Cavanaugh know about this? Does he know you're here?"

"Oh yes," Maura answered innocently. "It was his idea."

"His idea?" Jane repeated in shock and her jaw dropped. "Why would he send you here?"

"Because I am the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts," Maura reminded Jane and the detective rolled her eyes as Maura's full title. "That makes me high profile, Jane. Being seen with a call girl isn't exactly good for my image. It makes me the perfect target for blackmail."

"They also know you're the daughter of Paddy Doyle and some of these people surely know that you're best friends with a cop," Jane hissed. Her eyes darted around the room. She had yet to recognise anyone but that didn't mean nobody had recognised her. "One or two of these people may even know that I was the one who shot Paddy. How could Cavanaugh think this was a good idea? Didn't he consider the fact that someone here might realise I am not _actually_ an overpriced hooker?"

"I'm sure he did, Jane," Maura said softly. She reached for Jane's hand and the touch of her fingers stirred something in the detectives' stomach. It was electrifying as well as strangely relaxing and the initial anger Jane felt began to subside.

"He's worried about you, Jane. After you called me I called Frost. I told him what you told me and he said he knew you were involved in this. There was no other way I could ever have known the things I shared with him. He went straight to Cavanaugh and that was when he said I had to come here tonight. I wasn't going to turn up at first, not until Cavanaugh said it would be best if I did."

"They know?" Jane asked.

Maura's eyes softened as she looked at Jane. "They know."

Jane released her breath as some of the tension slipped away from her. She was no longer alone. Her partner knew she was undercover and they were trying to help her. Cavanaugh had sent Maura, even if she didn't agree with it. She had wanted her to be safe but now she was a part of it. All she could do now was try to protect her. Her arm slipped around Maura's waist and she gently pulled her closer. Her heart pounded in her chest and suddenly her throat became dry.

"This is a bad idea," she said as she leant in. Warm lips almost made contact with Maura's earlobe.

"Why?" Maura wanted to know. Her eyes found Jane's.

"Because we're going to have to make them believe you're paying me to be with you," Jane smiled into Maura's hair and kissed a warm, soft spot on her neck. She felt Maura shudder under the caress.

"We can do that," Maura whispered in response and her eyes found Jane's. "Right?"

The music swelled and the two women noticed people around them walking slowly into the next room. Maura took Jane's hand and linked their fingers, the same way they had done the previous night and earlier that morning. They walked side but side, closely together, and Maura led Jane to a table in the corner of the room. Several other people had already sat down and Jane pulled Maura's chair out and tucked it in again once the medical examiner sat down again. As she slipped into her own seat she felt Maura's hand brush against her thigh. She shivered.

Throughout the night Maura continued to lean in, brushing her lips against Jane's cheeks and whispering softly in her ear. They spoke about the case and their surroundings but to the rest of the people in the room it looked like they were enjoying each other's company. Jane felt the hairs in the back of her neck rise up when Maura's fingers ghosted across her arms. The little flame in her stomach grew into a wildfire and every so often their gazes locked and she could see a flash of desire, of lust, flashing through Maura's hazel orbs. Her hand now rested on Maura's thigh, her fingers creeping across the hem of her dress, making contact with soft, warm flesh. It was enough to make Maura's eyes flutter shut and Jane smiled to herself.

It was a game. A game of teasing and pushing, designed to appeal to whoever was watching them with every intention of creating a scenario that could be used to blackmail Maura. Jane knew there were eyes on them. Someone out there was watching Maura. If not Lindsey then someone she hired. She made sure to be seen with her lips lingering on the medical examiner's neck. She could feel Maura's heartbeat and sensed the shiver travelling through her body as she let the tip of her tongue trail across the pulse point underneath her ear. Before Maura could respond she had pulled back, averted her eyes and picked up her wineglass. In her chest her heart was racing. The lines between reality and fantasy began to blur as Maura's hand unexpectedly covered her own.

They had never considered a moment like this. Jane had never ever thought about being this close to Maura, in this way. The closeness they had shared last night seemed a thing of the past. What she felt right now could only be described as raging desire. There was nothing left of the shy Jane Rizzoli who had tentatively kissed Maura Isles in the pouring rain. This was a confident Jane Rizzoli. She felt sexy in her dress and hearing Maura whisper those same words in her ear had only added to the desire.

As one of the older men in the room got up and walked to the stage to hold his speech in honour of some fancy award he had received, Jane pulled Maura out of her seat. The medical examiner seemed confused and staggered over her feet as she attempted to keep up with Jane. No one in the room seemed to pay them much attention as Jane's grip on Maura's wrist tightened and she led her out of the room. Her eyes darted around the entrance hall and she turned left, towards the ladies rooms. The sound of their heels clicking against the wooden floors echoed on as they stepped inside.

Maura found herself pressed with her back against the wall, Jane's arms on either side of her shoulders. Dark eyes found hazel brown and for a second neither of them dared to even breathe.

"What are you doing?" she whispered.

"I don't know," Jane replied with a husky voice. "I don't know what I'm doing but this has to stop, Maura."

"What has to stop?"

"This," Jane breathed and her hand dropped to Maura's waist. The touch startled both of them and her fingers spread across the shorter woman's abdomen. The sudden pressure made both of them look up into equal dark, lust filled eyes. "This teasing and touching. You can't do this, Maura."

Through heavy lidded eyes Maura looked up at the raven haired detective. Jane's beauty had astonished her from the second she had laid eyes on her earlier that night. When she had agreed to meet her here tonight she hadn't expected this to happen. She had expected it to be awkward and reserved but somehow the knowledge that someone was watching added to the pressure. It had driven them to this moment of badly contained desire. The tip of her tongue darted out and wet her suddenly very dry lips. "Why?"

"Because I can't cope," Jane admitted. "Last night I could barely look at you and now here you are…" She swallowed hard and her hand moved slowly up from Maura's stomach to the side of her face. This morning they had woken up like newfound friends finding their way back to something they lost a long time ago and now here they stood, together, in a completely different world. It seemed the hesitation from last night was gone and had been replaced with blind lust. "What have we become, Maura? How did we end up like this, tonight?" She shook her head. "I can't do this."

"Yes you can," Maura said softly and leant in. Unexpectedly soft lips pressed against Jane's. It was as if someone threw a lighted match into her soul.

Jane's breath hitched when she felt Maura's lips against hers. "What if it just gets worse? What if this is just the beginning and it's only going to turn into hell from now?"

"Then you just keep going," Maura said softly. "It is the only way."

Jane's lips softly kissed the side of Maura's mouth. "You think it's going to last forever. You know, life and all its craziness. It all seems to be endless. Wherever you go, whatever you do, it's always going to be there." Dark eyes found Maura's and they were both reminded of the paths in life that had led them to this moment. "Until it isn't."

Maura didn't hesitate. Her lips found Jane's in full force and she gave into the flames eating away at her insides, spreading like wildfire. Her arms snaked around Jane's waist and she groaned when she felt Jane press her harder against the cold wall. The detective's body was flush against her own and she felt the swell of Jane's breasts press against her chest. Slender fingers tangled into raven curls and her teeth sank into Jane's bottom lip. Jane's hands roamed across her stomach, slowly up across her chest before sliding down and reaching the end of her dress. Maura's eyes snapped open when she felt Jane's fingers caress the inside of her thighs. When she found Jane looking back at her she knew there was no way back.


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's note: **Love me or hate me, the rating's about to change...**  
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**Chapter 17**

The moment seemed to freeze. All Maura could hear was the sound of the violins playing in the entrance hall. The sound carried on throughout the building, echoing off ancient walls. Slowly her eyes drifted up to find Jane's. There was no way back from this, no way out. When she had made this agreement with Cavanaugh, she had not considered that this could happen. Now she faced the burden of that knowledge, of having crossed a line. They had reached the point of no return.

When she had first laid eyes on Jane that night her heart had almost stopped. Jane looked nothing short of beautiful and although Maura knew the detective would never believe her if she told her, it was true. When she was in Africa her mind often wandered back to Jane. The nights were quiet, interrupted only by the sound of cricks and mosquitos as she lay awake in her fold out bed, and it allowed her to think about a place that was so far away. Jane was often the last thing she thought about when she went asleep and the first when she woke up. After months in a country torn apart by poverty, famine and war, she still could not forget about Jane.

Something had changed tonight. The Jane she saw walking into the building was confident and very much aware of how her appearance drew attention. Maura loved the way the dress clung around Jane's slender frame, accenting the curves in all the right places. Complimented by the raven hair it was as if she had walked out of fashion magazine. The make-up only added to the look and Maura found it incredibly sexy. She had seen the vulnerable side of Jane the previous night, in the rain, but here she got to see another side of her and this stirred something inside of her. She wanted Jane.

She barely had time to register all these thoughts before feeling Jane's bruising lips against her own. Maura's hands instinctively slipped into the other woman's curls and pulled her deeper into the kiss. The tip of Jane's tongue pressed against her lips and Maura let her in. Their tongues danced around each other in a fight for dominance and control. Maura knew it was pointless and she handed herself over to Jane.

When she felt Jane's hands graze across the swell of her breasts, lingering a little longer on her nipples, her eyes snapped open. She could them respond through her dress and when she saw Jane's dark eyes she knew Jane had too. But something held her back. They were standing in the ladies room of this big fancy party. People could be coming in at any second. Her heart pounded in her chest as she became aware of Jane's hands lingering on her shoulders. The taller woman leant in for another kiss but slowly moved away from Maura's lips when she responded, leaving a warm trail along the line of her neck. When she sucked down on the pulse point below Maura's ear she gasped.

"We can't do this here," Maura breathed. Her hands pressed against Jane's shoulders in protest.

Jane circled the now dark purple bruise she had left behind on Maura's neck with her tongue. Her left hand threaded the medical examiner's hair, her right lingered on Maura's hip. "Oh yes, we can."

Maura swallowed hard, suddenly very much aware of what the detective's touch was doing to her. "Jane…"

"You started this, Maura," Jane whispered huskily in Maura's ear. The warm breath made the other woman shiver. She withdrew herself slightly, noticing immediately how Maura's body arched back towards her as she severed the contact. A sly smile played around her lips. "I can stop if you want me to."

"Nuh-uh."

"What's that?" Jane whispered, her eyes glistening with amusement.

Maura's hazel eyes widened and she stared directly into Jane's dark orbs. "_No."_

"'No' as in you don't want me to stop or 'no' as in you want me to stop?"

Maura arched an eyebrow. "Jane Rizzoli, has anyone ever told you how insufferable you are?"

Jane just smiled and moved back in. Her hands reached for the zip at the back of Maura's dress and slowly she pulled it down. The fabric of Maura's dress slowly peeled away from her skin, revealing more and more bare flesh. About halfway down Jane let go of the zipper and carefully pulled the dress down across Maura's chest until the material came to a rest around her thighs. She gasped when she exposed her breasts. Maura didn't wear a bra.

"God, Maur," she whispered and for just a moment she took in the mesmerizing view. Then she dipped her head and took one of the erect nipples between her teeth. The moan that followed made her smile. Maura's fingers found their way into thick black curls. Jane's hands cupped and gently squeezed Maura's breasts, her tongue darting over and around swollen nipples. Maura's head fell back against the wall behind her with a dull thud as she arched into Jane's touch.

"Jane…," Maua's voice betrayed her faltering resistance when Jane's right hand dipped across her stomach and reached the end of her dress. Warm, slender fingers crept along the inside of her thighs, pulling the soft fabric along with them. Maura's dress now rested around her hips, leaving both her chest and thighs exposed.

"There's still a way back," Jane whispered as she kissed herself a way across Maura's chest, her collarbone, her neck and eventually her lips. Maura answered her kiss passionately. Jane's hands cupped her breasts once again, the nipples hard and swollen against the palms of her hands. She pressed her knee between Maura's legs, forcing her to stay upright. "There's still a way out, Maura."

Maura's tongue followed the form of Jane's lips and she briefly rested her forehead against the other woman's. She was panting and the warm breath tickled Jane's face. Through their eyelashes they looked at each other. It was already too late. "No, there isn't."

Jane snaked one arm around Maura's waist, her hand landing on the small of her back and pulled her closer. She was very aware of the heavy beating of her heart. Her mind now failed her. Until this moment she had been able to think clearly about what they were doing but all reason had now vanished. There was nothing left between them but the instincts that would guide them through the next motions. Jane's hand dipped between Maura's thighs and her fingers encountered the soft lace of her panties. She noticed the blush that crept into Maura's cheeks as her fingers ghosted across the material and the back of her throat was suddenly dry.

She let her fingers draw small circles on the inside of Maura's thighs and watched in amazement how the doctor's eyes widened and darkened. She noticed how Maura's hips rolled against her hand, desperate to feel more of her touch. The sound of Maura's panting, soft and shallow, bounced off the stone walls and Jane loved it. She had never touched a woman like this before but it was as if the moment led itself. Somewhere deep inside her body knew exactly what to do.

Instead of pulling the panties down, Jane just pulled them aside and was greeted by a warm wetness. Her teeth worried her bottom lip as she let her index finger slide through the slick, damp folds. Instantly Maura responded, her body almost beyond control, and Jane carefully continued exploring. Maura took a sharp breath as Jane slipped first one and then two fingers inside of her. For a couple of seconds neither of them moved, both getting used to this new experience. Jane pressed her lips against Maura's neck and felt the rapid heartbeat against the tip of her tongue.

She began pumping in and out slowly, curling her fingers inside Maura. For the first minute it was slow and they both searched for and eventually found the pace they enjoyed. Jane's rhythm increased and Maura's fingers grabbed a firm hold of black hair. Her eyes fluttered shut and Jane felt Maura's legs grow weak underneath her. The hand that had been resting on the small of Maura's back slipped down to below her ass and she lifted her up without ease. Maura's legs wrapped around Jane's waist as the detective carried her towards the row of sinks. Carefully she put Maura down, the doctor's legs dangling over the edge. Jane could see their reflection in the mirror. The sight turned her on even more.

"Oh God, Jane…" Maura whispered.

Jane revelled in the moans she elicited from Maura and continued her ministrations between her legs. Maura's left hand was on her hips, the right had gotten lost in her hair. When Maura threw her head back Jane caught a flash of the look on her face in the mirror. It was a look of pure desire. It spurred her on and she used her thumb to press against Maura's clit. Was followed was an outcry so loud that Jane quickly leant in and smothered it with a kiss. As Maura's whimper died down Jane's lips journeyed down across her neck and her teeth grazed across the exposed collarbone. Maura's bare breasts were pressed against the soft material of Jane's dress and the nails of Jane's left hand scraped across the medical examiner's back. It would surely leave marks.

"Jane…" Maura's voice was hoarse and her hazel eyes desperately searched for Jane's. When their gazes locked Jane could see something flickering behind them. Something she had never seen before, in anyone. When Maura began to tighten around her fingers she realised what was happening and her thumb continued to press and flick over Maura's clit. Maura's eyes rolled back into her head and as she came a high pitched scream escaped from her throat. Jane quickly covered Maura's mouth with her hand, her other hand still between Maura's legs, and she supported her as the medical examiner rode out the waves of her orgasm, her body rocking gently against Jane's. A fine sheen of sweat covered both their bodies and Jane could feel Maura's heartbeat against her chest.

They stayed like this for what felt like forever. Jane only briefly dared to look at their reflection in the mirror. Maura rested against her body, her dress draped clumsily around her waist. Her hair cascaded down her back but Jane could see the burning red marks her nails had left behind. The longer she looked at herself, the stronger the guilt became. What had she just done?

"Maura?" she whispered softly and took a step away from the other woman so she could slip her fingers under her chin. The medical examiner's eyes darted up and found Jane's. She couldn't read them. She didn't know what it was she saw. A hint of embarrassment, or perhaps even sadness?

"Jane," Maura breathed and suddenly she became aware of how naked she was. Her hands shot down to her dress and she pulled the fabric back across her chest. It was rushed and uncoordinated and she struggled to fit it back around her body. When she looked back up at Jane she saw the hurt in her eyes and tears began to well up into her own. "Jane, I'm sorry… I don't know what… I mean…"

Jane, whose fingers had still been resting under Maura's chin, pulled back and stared down at the floor. She took two more steps away from Maura, allowing her to carefully slide off the sink. The medical examiner tugged at her dress until it covered her legs and she tried to catch Jane's gaze but the detective didn't look at her.

"Maybe I should go," she muttered softly and turned around. Before she could start for the door Maura had grabbed her arm and forced her to turn around.

"Wait…"

Jane's dark eyes snapped up. Maura could now see the hurt and the fear. Jane Rizzoli was scared. The emotions echoed in her raspy voice when she spoke. "Do you have _any_ idea what we've just done?"

Maura's eyes narrowed. "I thought we…"

Jane shook her head. "What we did was something that was expected of me, Maura. When you made the arrangements there was no way this could be avoided. We both know they will have been watching tonight." She took in a deep breath. "I gave you an out, Maura. In fact, I think I gave you a way out more than once. You didn't take it."

"So you did it because of the case?" Maura suddenly spat. The hurt and anger in her voice was nothing compared to the pain Jane could see in her eyes. It was as if she could see Maura's heart break into the tiniest pieces right there in those hazel orbs. "You're telling me that this happened because you were actually trying to be an escort?" Blazing eyes pierced into Jane. "I thought you knew what you were doing, Jane! I never actually expected you to have sex with any of your clients!" A lonely tear trickled down her cheek. "I thought this happened because you wanted_ me_." Her features hardened. "I guess I was wrong."

"Maura…," Jane began but Maura just shook her head. More tears were now following the one that had chased down her cheek earlier. Maura didn't wait for the dark haired woman to say anything else. She zipped up her dress and without a second glace she walked past Jane and out of the ladies room. The sounds of the violins playing filtered through the open door and died out as it closed. The sound lingered between the empty walls and Jane stared at the door through which Maura had disappeared.

As she went to open it and follow her two women walked in. They both stopped in their tracks when they saw Jane and she recognised them. They had been at the gallery and the restaurant. They were both paid to be here.

"Hey," one of them said and double checked to see if nobody else had followed them in. "Was that your date I just saw leaving?"

Jane forced herself to composure and gave a knowing smile. "I think she's gone home to get changed."

"I think I've seen her face before," the dark haired one of the two women said. "She's quite well known, isn't she?"

"Chief Medical Examiner," Jane answered and leant against the wall as the two other women went about reapplying their make-up. She had never understood the concept of women having to join each other when they went to the toilet. It seemed strange. Peeing was something you did alone. As she mused over those thoughts she noticed both women looking at her in the mirror. "I never pegged her to be into chicks though."

"None of them are ever quite what they seem at first glance."

Jane stared down at the floor. "You don't say."

"You're the new girl, right? Lindsey pointed you out earlier. Jane, isn't it?" the dark haired woman asked and slowly turned around. "I'm Julia and this is Sophie."

Sophie was a few inches shorter than Julia and had long blonde hair that fell down her back in a perfect curl. It was hard to tell underneath the layer of make-up but Jane guessed she couldn't be any older than twenty. A short emerald green dress clung to her voluptuous chest and she had impressive legs. Julia's hair was cropped short in a bob, which gave her a somewhat stern look. She had dark green eyes that lingered on Jane.

"What made you wanna do this job?" Julia asked and leant against the sink. "We don't get many girls walking in, you see. Lindsey finds most of them." She looked at Sophie. "She found me and Sophie."

"Sarah and I are cousins," Jane answered. "I moved to Boston a little while ago and when we met up I mentioned I was looking for a job that paid well. My buddy Steve once said that he worked as an escort and made good money. At the time I didn't know Sarah was working for Lindsey." She studied the other women's faces as she mentioned Steve and noticed how both of them glanced at each other when his name was dropped. Jane's cop gut kicked in straight away. They knew him. She decided to clamp on them some more.

"Come to think of it, I'll have to call him, tell him I got this job. He mentioned he was looking for another place to work for." Jane smiled and stared down at her painted nails. "He said one of his clients got a little pushy. Does that happen a lot?"

"Some of them can be right assholes but you should be allright," Sophie answered. "Women are nicer than men."

"Steve said the same thing. He said that many of his clients were married men with kids. I mean, it's not like I'm one to judge, it's what keeps us in our job but he said that some of them were being downright cruel sometimes." Jane rolled her eyes. "This one time he showed me these bruises on his wrist and he said that his client had tied him up for hours."

Julia turned off the tap. "Steve slept with men, right?"

Jane nodded. "As far as I'm aware, yeah."

"I think I know who you're talking about," she said. "Tall guy, quite well toned, dark hair?" When Jane nodded she carried on. "I'm sure he worked for Lindsey too. Funny though that he mentioned wanting to go somewhere else. This one's the best in Boston. If he's the guy I'm thinking of, he was doing pretty well with his clients. Male to male escorts are quite rare and Lindsey says they bring in some good business."

"Really?" Jane asked. "Why would he want to leave? Lindsey's brilliant!"

"Maybe he got into a beef with Madeleine. She can be a bit of a hot head at times," Sophie suggested. "It's rare we actually get to see her but sometimes she'll show up at events like this."

"I'll call him tomorrow," Jane said cheerfully. "He'll never believe I'm working for Lindsey now. He kept saying I don't have what it takes to be an escort. I'll blow his balls off when I tell him."

"I haven't seen him for a while," Julia said slowly. "I was expecting him to be at the gallery, especially since one of his usual dates was there. Come to think of it, I didn't see him at the restaurant either." She looked at Sophie. "When was the last time you saw Steve?"

"Sometime last week," Sophie replied and furrowed her brow. "I'm sure he was sent out to the Marea the same night I went to meet with one of my clients. He got out a cab only a couple of minutes after I did. I never saw him leave though." She smirked. "My date was a little bit of a handful."

Jane's mind was working overtime. She finally had a location where Steve had last been seen. She also knew that the client he often saw had been at the art gallery the same night she had been there. She made a mental note to call Frost the minute she left this building and inform him of the findings. She would also have to call Rita. Maybe they already had enough to her out of this damned undercover job. Her eyes lingered on the two women as they were about to make their way to the room full of guests.

"Are you staying for the party?" Julia wanted to know. "It's a free bar."

Jane contemplated the offer for a moment but the absence of Maura pained her. "Nah," she answered and shrugged. "I did what I had to do tonight. Lindsey will be happy. She's got her money's worth." Her smile spread as the other women laughed. "I think I've earned an early night."

"You'll miss the good stuff," Sophie winked as she and Julia held the door for Jane. She turned to look at them and the smile that she had managed to keep in place slowly began to falter.

"I think I've had my share." Dark eyes reflected sadness. "Have fun. I'll see you around."

As Julia and Sophie made their way back into the room full of guests, jane walked through the entrance hall towards the glass front doors. She considered looking for Maura but deep down she knew she would have left. She wanted nothing more than that herself. As she walked out into the crisp night she was hit by the realisation of what had happened between her and Maura. They had crossed a line she hadn't imagined they would cross. Not like this, not here. It wasn't supposed to be this way. But it had happened and there was nothing she could do to change it.

The turmoil welled up in her stomach, overwhelming her as she looked around for a way to get out of this place. A couple of cabs had pulled up behind some of the town cars and she walked up to one. The driver eyed her up and noticed the tears on her cheeks.

"Where to?" he asked.

Jane climbed into the backseat and rested her head against the seat. "Anywhere but here."


	18. Chapter 18

**Thoughts from the writer:** Wow. The diverse reactions to the previous chapter surprised me, and have continued to do so throughout the day. The anger towards Jane is something I do and at the same time I do not understand. From the point of view I had when I wrote the chapter, it was not intended for Jane to act or sound like a jerk at all. Let me explain to you why:

A year ago Maura abandoned Jane, leaving nothing but a letter. She turns back up, unannounced, and changes Jane's life just when she thought she had moved on. They confessed how they felt. We all know how terrible Jane is with emotions, especially when it comes to expressing them. When she thought that Maura seemed to regret what happened (she apologises after their encounter), she became defensive. Maura has hurt her before. It isn't Jane hurting Maura; it is also Maura hurting Jane. Jane is not the sole person to blame in all of this.

Yes, what Jane said was harsh but it is Jane's coping mechanism talking. She offered Maura a way out – twice- and Maura didn't take it. Have you ever done something you got so engrossed in that you lost track of your emotions and common sense only to realise afterwards that you feel confused, embarrassed or even ashamed? That is the main underlying storyline in that scene. That and Jane feeling hurt because Maura seems to reject her for a moment. She jumps the gun and ends up saying something that is perhaps even worse. Maura however understands - up to a point- that Jane isn't the type of person who takes part in casual sex and part of her is very aware that Jane will freak out over what happened and this sparks her confusion and hestiation at the end. Her response is misread by Jane and the reaction that follows is what we all saw.

We forget the journey they have already been on up till this point. Jane and Maura are both flawed and I like their characters like that. Jane isn't the sole person to blame in this troubled situation. Maura has her errors too.

Now, there's a case to solve and a relationship to fix. Let's get on with it, shall we? ;-)

* * *

**Chapter 18**

Maura stood in the morgue. All the lights were on, pointing towards the naked body of a female that lay on the silver table. She'd been staring at it for at least ten minutes without showing any signs of starting the incision. She held the scalpel in her gloved hand and her eyes were fixed on an area somewhere near the body's shoulder. She didn't see a face. She never did. But today she didn't see anything at all. Ever since arriving earlier that morning she had been unable to stay focused. Her mind continued to wander and the burning pain on her back where her loose fitting blouse rubbed against the nail marks across her skin reminded her of the reasons her mind had lost its focus.

She had left the charity ball the night before without as much as uttering a goodbye to Jane. She couldn't bear facing the look in Jane's eyes. She had already seen the hurt and the pain. If she had turned around… Maura didn't want to think about what else she would have seen. It had all happened because of her, because she had wanted to protect Jane. Instead she ended up hurting her more than a gun ever could. She wished she could take back the whispered words of regret. She didn't regret a thing of what happened and yet at the same time she longed to change it all. Turning back the clock was all that played on her mind. Taking back the words she had whispered to Jane, erasing the words "I'm sorry" from both their minds was all she wanted but she knew she couldn't change what had been done.

She hadn't slept. Instead she'd been awake all night, staring at her ceiling in the dark, as the images from the charity ball played over and over again in her head. Jane's lips on hers followed by Jane's lips in her neck. Jane's hands underneath her dress and between her legs. It had driven her to near insanity and by four o'clock she'd kicked the covers away and got up. But even a cold shower and a cup of tea couldn't change the way she felt. She felt embarrassed. She felt guilty as well as angry at herself. She had lost all control. Had Jane been right? Had it happened because it was what was expected of her or had it happened because it was what they had both wanted but the loss of control had scared them both?

Maura's head snapped up when the door to the morgue opened. She turned around to find Frost walking in. His dark eyes darted apprehensively towards the autopsy table and he kept his distance as he waited for Maura to put her scalpel down. She removed her gloves and shrugged herself out of her scrubs. She flinched as the pain travelled through her.

"Detective Frost," Maura smiled and surprised herself by how easy it was to slip into her usual professional manner. "What can I do for you?"

"Jane called."

She froze and slowly exhaled. "Oh?"

"She's sent us some information about Steve McGregor's whereabouts on the night he was killed," Frost explained. "She mentioned that he went out on a date to a restaurant called Marea. After that he wasn't seen again but apparently his date was at the art gallery the night you and Jane were there." His eyes searched Maura's face. "I was wondering if you could help me look through the security footage from the Marea and the gallery?"

Maura nodded and flashed a nervous smile. "Sure." She pulled a sheet over the corpse on the table. It would end up back in the freezer. "Did Detective Korsak get anywhere with the security footage from the crime scene?"

"Black town car without licence plate," Frost answered. "I would have been surprised if we'd found anything, to be honest. We tried every angle, including reflecting in the car windows. All we can see is Steve's body being thrown out and a hand. That's all."

"Have you got any stills?" Maura asked as she followed Frost out of the morgue and to the elevator.

"On my desk."

"Would you mind if I had a look at them?" Maura asked.

"A fresh set of eyes can't hurt."

The elevator doors swung open and Maura and Frost were about to step inside when someone stepped out. Maura recognised the man who delivered the post around the police station. He had been down to the morgue a handful of times, usually to deliver correspondence not related to BPD. He looked up when he noticed he wasn't alone in the corridor and smiled.

"Ah, doctor Isles," he smiled and handed her a single white envelope. "You saved me a trip into the morgue."

"Thank you, Terry," Maura smiled and took the envelope. It had her name and the address of the lab written on it in simple black capitals. As she turned it over she noticed there was no return address written on the back. A nervous feeling settled in her chest and when she noticed Frost looking at her she swallowed. "I'll open it later."

The three of them got back into the elevator and Frost pushed the button that would take them to Homicide. The silence between them was awkward. When the doors opened again Maura almost bolted from the elevator and only slowed down so Frost could catch up with her. They walked into Homicide together and her eyes subconsciously drifted to Jane's desk. She'd only been up here a handful of times since her return to Boston. Once she'd been so used to seeing Jane sitting there. The empty chair was a painful reminder.

"Hey, Doc," Korsak greeted her.

"Detective Korsak," Maura said with a smile. "Detective Frost says you may have a lead."

"Thanks to Jane we actually know where to look," Korsak answered. "Until today I wanted to strangle Cavanaugh for making her do this but it looks like it's paying off." His eyes found Maura's. "Hey, you saw her last night, didn't you? How's she doing?"

"She's doing allright," Maura answered. The words hurt as they left her lips. She fought to keep her face straight. There was a reason people called her the Queen of the Dead behind her back. Because she was unfazed by death and all its darkness and because she rarely showed the emotion people would expect at a crime scene or a morgue. She set her jaw and mentally chastised herself for her moment of weakness. "This is Jane we're talking about."

"Here are those pictures you wanted to see," Frost said and handed them to Maura. They were black and whites and none of them were particularly good quality. Maura flicked though them and watched in slow motion how the black town car pulled up at the crime scene. Frost had been right. The licence plates were missing. The passenger door opened and a hand could be seen in one of the shots. In the next picture Steve McGregor's body was pushed out of the car. First it leant out, his head almost touching the concrete. In the next shot he had fallen out of the vehicle altogether. His naked body lay abandoned on the pavement as in the next shot the town car drove off. It was all they had.

She looked around for somewhere to sit down and sighed when she realised the only empty spot was Jane's desk. She pulled the chair back and sat down. Slowly she laid the pictures out in chronological order and studied every single one of them for a little while. Her eyes were drawn back to the one showing the hand and then the one where the body was pushed out of the car. She felt angry as she looked at them. Steve McGregor had been treated like less of a human being. He'd been abused, assaulted and then killed before being left in the least humane way possible. His killer had done everything he could to disgrace him in the last moments of his life.

"I've got the security footage from the restaurant and gallery," Frost piped up and Maura looked in his direction. He furrowed his brow. "Cavanaugh mentioned that some of McGregor's clients were lawyers. Maybe we should run all the faces through the facial recognition software. Someone might just pop up."

Maura heaved a sigh and pushed herself out of Jane's chair. She could have sworn it smelt of Jane, even though she hadn't sat here for days. Her heart felt heavy in her chest as she crossed the room. "It's worth a shot." Her eyes lingered on the screen of Frost's computer. "It's all we have anyway."

~()~

Jane walked into the coffee shop in Charlestown. Far away from Beacon Hill, it overlooked the Mystic River and as she walked in she found it was surprisingly crowed. Most of the tables were occupied either by couples or people clearly enjoying a day out. She picked out the odd tourist without having to try very hard. Her eyes danced around the establishment until she recognised Rita Wilcox's red hair. She sat in the back of the shop, reading a newspaper but she looked up when Jane walked towards her. Jane stopped to order a coffee before joining Rita at the small table and watched how the other detective folded the newspaper.

She reached into her pocket and slid two of the tapes across the table. Rita took them without even looking and they disappeared into the leather handbag standing on the floor. Jane's dark eyes found Rita's. "All I ask is for your discretion when you listen to these."

"I understand," Rita said softly. "Your captain informed me of the involvement of the rest of your team and Doctor Isles."

"Yeah about that…," Jane said and stared down at the surface of the table. It was covered in coffee stains. The mere mention of Maura was enough to bring back the emotions from the previous night. She clenched her fists. "There is something on one of those tapes that is rather… private, shall we say?" She looked up just enough to see the hint of curiosity in Rita's eyes. "It involves Doctor Isles. I would appreciate it if you were the only person to listen to these."

"Ok," Rita said and nodded. "I was surprised you called this morning. I wasn't expecting to hear from you for another week or so."

"I got some new information last night. I've already contacted my team but I wanted you to hear it from me and not somewhere halfway down the rumour mill at BPD," Jane said. "I know you cared about Steve and I know you blame yourself for what happened to him." She took a deep breath. "One of the girls told me where he was the night he died. We've been trying to narrow it down for days and now we finally know. He went on a date to the Marea restaurant. Apparently the client was a regular."

"I have heard that name before," Rita said. "On the last tape Steve sent me it was mentioned several times. I think it was a regular spot. The staff there must be very discreet." She picked up her coffee. "I know the regular you're talking about. His voice appears on the tape on many occasions though his name is never mentioned, not even by Steve himself. All I know is that he's a lawyer but we have a city full of those and probably half of them cheat on their wives too."

"My partner's going through the security footage from the restaurant right now," Jane said. "Someone said that Steve's date was at the gallery the other night. The girls reckon they haven't seen Steve for at least a week. Lindsey doesn't seem too worried about his absence though."

"Maybe it wasn't his client after all."

Jane chewed her lip. At that same time the barista brought her coffee to the table and she waited till she was out of hearing range before answering. "Or maybe it was and our killer and Lindsey are in on this together. Any other employer would have raised the alarm by now."

"We found Katie and Leila," Rita said softly. "After you informed Doctor Isles, the message was passed along."

Jane felt her heart sink. "What's going to happen to them now?"

"Leila will most likely be deported to Russia but if this case goes to trial her testimony may be vital so I am trying to cut a deal," Rita said and ran her fingers through her hair. "Katie's refusing to cooperate. I think Leila realised that it's either working with us or going back to Russia but Katie hasn't got anything to lose. I tried contacting her family but when they found out what she's been doing they didn't want to know. They're a conservative family from Kentucky. Lindsey was all she had in this world. She keeps saying she wants to go back to her."

"Did she call anyone?" Jane wanted to know.

"She made one call, for a lawyer. No one turned up. She's got a court appointed attorney now. Some guy fresh out of law school. Katie's gonna have him for breakfast."

Jane looked at Rita from over her coffee cup. "How are you managing to stall her arraignment?"

"I called in a favour," Rita answered with a smile. "The ADA remembers my help in a previous case. He knows that if he can bring this trial to a good end, he'll be in for a lot of good press. He's pulling a few judicial strings." She searched Jane's face. "I know they put you into a difficult position, Jane."

"There's nothing we can do about it now," Jane answered dismissively. "If this whole thing goes down, what will happen to Lindsey's escort?"

"The ADA says he'll cut them a deal. Most likely it will be probation or a lesser charge if they provide information. If they refuse they'll face the full sentence for prostitution, solicitation and probably a string of other charges. If they're wise they help him build is case but many of these girls and boys rely on Lindsey," Rita sighed. "She supplies them with drugs and money, gives them a place to stay and pretends to care about them."

"She didn't care about Jorja Sanchez," Jane said sadly. When she saw Rita's eyes narrow she shrugged. "Sarah told me about what happened to her. Did you have any idea? Is there any proof that Lindsey has anything to do with it?"

"Stuff like that comes straight from Madeleine. The woman's a ghost. You hardly ever see her but she rules that business with an iron first. If she wants something done, Lindsey will see to it. I suspected Madeleine of ordering Jorja's murder but she is very good at making things look differently than what they are. It's why no one had tried taking her down before. Her front has always been too strong. Once we have her and her client book, we've got every corrupt bastard in this city." Her eyes darkened and she looked down at the table. "A lot of people are not going to be happy."

Jane glanced at her watch. It was just after eleven in the morning. She hadn't slept all night. She kept thinking about Maura and about what had happened between them. She was angry and hurt. Maura had set up their arrangement without thinking of the consequences and although they had both taken part in it, it wouldn't have happened if Maura hadn't been there.

"Narcotics think they have found out when the next shipment of drugs is coming in to the US," Rita said and Jane was roused from her thoughts. She blinked a couple of times and her concentration returned. "A ship is expected to arrive in the harbour tomorrow afternoon. Some of the officers will be taken over from the harbour patrol. If they're right, this thing is about to go down."

"What else do you need from me?" Jane wanted to know. "Lindsey's sent me out for three nights straight. I'm not expecting her to call me." She swallowed. "Not after last night. Sarah took me to her office but there's nothing else I can do there unless I physically break in during the night."

Rita ran a hand through her hair. "Call Sarah. Tell her that we've got Katie and Leila. Lindsey's going to find out sooner or later that they're gone. We want her to think they took off because they heard about the complaint. If she finds out they've been arrested…"

"All hell's going to break loose."

Rita finished her coffee and stood up. "You've done a great job but things are about to change. If Narcotics find that drug shipment, Madeleine is not going to be happy. I don't think I need to remind you to be careful?"

Jane shook her head and squared her jaw. "I'm a big girl."

"But you're not wearing a bullet proof vest this time, detective."

Rita turned around and walked away. Jane followed her with her eyes until she left the coffee bar and disappeared across the street. She reached for her coffee and sipped from it. She then took her phone from her pocket. All night she had considered calling Maura but she couldn't think of anything to say. She wanted to apologise but at the same time she wanted the medical examiner to do the same. They had both been wrong last night. It shouldn't have happened.

Jane put her phone back down and released her breath. Her heart beat softly in her chest. With two large gulps she finished off her drink and left a handful of bills on the table before she left. She swung her handbag over her shoulder and zipped up her leather jacket as she stepped outside. There was a bus stop across the street. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been on a bus but she checked the time table and waited. She readjusted the white woolly beanie hat that covered most of her curls before pushing her hands into the pockets of her black skinnies. There was somewhere she wanted to be right now and the penthouse she called home wasn't it.

The bus arrived on time and she paid the driver before finding a seat near the window towards the back. Nobody paid her any attention as she slipped into the empty seat. She folded her hands in her lap and picked at her fingernails as she stared through the glass. Charlestown flashed by outside the window and Jane heaved a sigh. She felt like a stranger in this city and her own life.

Maura's face flashed through her mind and she flinched as if in pain. She'd tossed and turned all night, retracing her steps. What she and Maura had done was something she'd never expected. Not like this. She would have wanted it to happen at another time, in another place. The words that had rolled from her tongue when she saw Maura's hesitation echoed through her head. She knew she had sent her away but how could Maura have been so hurt? How did they become so lost?

Jane took her phone back out of her pocket and rummaged through her handbag to find a set of headphones. She scrolled through the apps until she found the one that allowed her to listen to any radio station and picked a random one. She caught the tail end of a song and rested her head against the cold glass window as the words slowly sank in.

"…_It would feel so good to be in your arms, where all my journeys end. If you can make a promise, if it's one that you can keep, I vow to come for you if you wait for me. And say you'll hold a place for me in your heart…"_

~()~

Maura's eyes were burning. She'd been staring at the computer screen for what felt like a lifetime. The facial recognition software had pointed out several matches in the footage taken from the Italian restaurant. Frost had somehow managed to only run the images against pictures of male lawyers in Boston. She'd seen Steve arrive alone, wearing tailor pants and white shirt. He looked smart and confident. Several other cars had pulled up too and four or five faces had been picked up by the software. They were now hoping to find at least one at the gallery too.

Maura supressed a yawn and massaged the back of her neck. Next to her Frost sipped from a cup of coffee Korsak had brought him ten minutes earlier. A half empty cup of tea stood next to Maura. She was about to get up to stretch her legs when a figure on the footage caught her attention.

"That's Jane," she pointed out and Frost sat up with a jolt.

Maura's eyes were peeled to the screen. Jane walked slowly and she could see her looking around. Seconds later she was joined by the woman Maura assumed was Sarah and not long after that they disappeared from the screen. Maura suspected this was the moment Jane was introduced to her date for that evening. Jealousy coiled in her stomach. She had seen Jane that night. They had talked, and a lot more than that, but the image of Jane with another woman was burnt into her memory. It angered her.

The software froze and pulled up the face of one of the men in the crowd. It compared it to an image taken from the previous footage and in green neon letters the words MATCH flashed across the screen. Frost double clicked the mouse and the details belonging to the person in question appeared.

"Nicholas DeWalt, aged forty-two," he said and at his desk Korsak looked up.

"DeWalt? He's a prosecutor for the District Attorney's office. I met him once. He's an asshole."

Frost snorted. "Why am I not surprised?"

"He seems to be our only match." Maura sounded hopeful. "He must be the man Steve was meeting on a regular basis."

"No wonder he didn't want anyone else to find out," Frost answered. "He's been married for fifteen years, has got three children all under the age of ten. Wife's a lawyer too. Divorce attorney. I can only imagine what she'd do him if she found out he was seeing another dude."

Korsak joined them and peered over Frost's shoulder at the screen. "Put his balls in a blender, probably." He grinned. "Couldn't happen to a nicer guy."

Maura studied the screen a little closer and her gaze was drawn to the full length appearance of Nicholas DeWalt. Her eyes narrowed and without warning she walked back to Jane's desk and took one of the pictures out of the sequence. She brought it back to Frost's desk and held it next to the screen. "Can you zoom in on his hands?"

Frost hit a few keys and the security footage began to zoom in. The image became more and more blurred and he frowned. "I should be able to clear this up a little." His fingers flew across the keyboard and the picture slowly sharpened. He looked at Maura and noticed the look on her face. "What is it, Doc?"

"This man didn't push Steve McGregor out of the car," Maura said slowly. She pointed at the picture. "Look, this is a ring. Perhaps a class ring of some kind. The gemstone and the figures around it could relate to a particular college." She then pointed at Nicholas DeWalt. "He doesn't wear a ring other than this wedding ring. Men who wear rings like this usually wear it at all times. It's a status symbol, something that ties them to their college and their friends."

"Maybe he just didn't wear it that night," Frost suggested but Maura shook her head.

"The hands don't look alike. These are a lot broader. See how the knuckles and finger are bent? Whoever pushed Steve out of the car once shattered his fingers. He didn't just break them; they were broken in tiny pieces. The bones could not heal properly and the fingers were left slightly disfigured. I'm surprised he even managed to get the ring on."

"So this guy didn't do it?"

Maura shook her head. "I didn't say that. I said that it wasn't him pushing Steve out of the car. He could have killed him but he didn't drive that car."

"We'll go talk to him," Korsak said and Frost stood up, taking his jacket from the back of his chair. "We can put him at the restaurant with Steve. With a little luck that should be enough to get a DNA sample. Let's see if we can tie him to Steve."

Maura sighed as she watched the two detectives leave the homicide squad room. Suddenly she was alone. Her eyes drifted back from the screen to the picture of the hand with the ring and she sank down in Frost's chair before hitting the rewind button on the art gallery footage. She waited until she saw Jane appear again and froze the screen. She studied the dark haired woman's expression. Jane seemed a little forlorn and her smile didn't appear until she saw Sarah. Right until that moment she seemed sad and unhappy, as if the weight of the world rested on her shoulders.

"Oh Jane," Maura whispered softly. "How did we end up this way?"

She was about to switch off the computer when something in the bottom corner caught her attention. Her eyes narrowed as she hit the pause button and the screen froze. She didn't know which keys to press to enlarge and brighten the image but she leant in closer to the screen, studying the small thing that had grabbed her. Her heart skipped a beat and her hand shot down to the pocket of her dress and she took out her cell phone. When Frost answered her breath hitched.

"You need to get back here, detective."

"Why?"

"Because I've just found the man who pushed Steve McGregor out of that car."

* * *

**Lyrics in this chapter:** Tracey Chapman - The Promise  
(_give it a listen. It played non stop when I wrote this_)


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's note: **Get your tissues...

* * *

**Chapter 19**

Maura paced the now empty squad room. Her heart hammered in her chest and every so often she would look back at the image on Frost's screen. It was unmistakable. The guy in the screen was the same guy who had pushed Steve McGregor out of the car. Frost had managed to enlarge both a shot of his hand and the back of his head but the camera never caught his face. They'd played the whole thing twice over but there was no way they could recognise him. Korsak had suggested bringing in Nicholas DeWalt in the hope that he could identify the mystery man. At least they could get a DNA sample and determine whether he was with Steve the night he died.

Her gaze dropped on the envelope next to Frost's computer and she quickly picked it up. She'd been dreading opening it. She had a pretty good idea about what was inside and Maura wasn't sure if she was ready to see it. But the minutes were ticking away on the clock and they were closing in on the conclusion of this case. Sooner or later she would have to face her demons. With one last look around the squad room she left and stepped into the elevator. She walked through the lobby after making sure Angela was too preoccupied to notice her. The elder Rizzoli had tried to get information out of her about Jane and she'd struggled not to tell. She couldn't face Angela's pained expression a second time.

Maura made her way to the parking lot and got into her car. She carefully placed the envelope on the passenger seat, started the engine and reversed out of her allocated spot. The radio kicked in and the sudden burst of music made her jump. She'd forgotten she drove into work with the music loud in an attempt to erase Jane from her mind but now the lyrics filled the car.

"…_All these useless emotions churning round as I search these bare walls for a clue. And all the time the truth is flashing in my mind, that when a heart gets broken, there's nothing you can do…"_

She listened to the song, the words echoing in her head like a whisper as she drove her way across town. It was still early and she hadn't told anyone she was going home but she didn't want to open the envelope at Boston PD. As she closed in on Beacon Hill, Maura became aware of how sweaty the palms of her hands were. She wiped them along her white linen pants. She felt her heart in the back of her throat as she parked her car in the drive and got out. With every step she took towards the front door, envelope safely in her hand, the pressure increased. She locked the door behind her, put the chain on and walked across the kitchen to the living room.

Maura fell down on the couch and carefully put the envelope down in her lap. Her hands were shaking as she carefully peeled it open. She reached inside and her fingertips encountered the smooth service of photo paper and Maura's breath hitched as she slowly pulled the content out of the envelope. The prints were lying face down in her hand and she turned them over. The first thing she saw was Jane leaning in to her. Their lips almost met in a kiss. The emotion could be read on both their faces and Jane was smiling.

"Oh my God," Maura breathed as she began flicking through the pictures. The first set all showed her and Jane at the table. They were in colour and most of them had captured them either kissing each other's cheek, holding hands, or running fingers through each other's hair. The last one had even captured Maura's hand high on Jane's thigh, her fingers lingering on the end of her dress as if seeking for the warmth of human skin.

Maura dropped the pictures back into her lap when she reached the second set. They were black and white, and clearly not taken with a normal camera as they were grainier and darker than the first. It showed them against the wall, Jane's lips on hers and her hands on her waist. As she looked through the pictures she relived the moments from the previous night again. When she reached the shot where her dress had fallen away from her chest, leaving her exposed, ad with Jane's head against her shoulder, her hand between her legs, Maura felt the tears well up in her eyes. They streamed down her face as she studied the images closely.

The emotions she saw on her own face, captured in a moment of lust and desire, stung like poison. It was bittersweet, seeing something she had always wanted so badly, twisted into something this horrific and degrading. She had never wanted Jane to do this. This was never what she had wanted, what she had been looking for. She knew Jane had been undercover but in that moment she had believed they were just people. But they weren't just people. They were never going to be just people anymore. She had paid to be there and Jane… Jane had done what was expected of her, both when it came to being offered the money and doing her job. They had failed themselves and each other.

"You knew they were watching," Maura whispered softly as she reached the last picture in the series where Jane had stepped away from her and seemed to be staring at the floor. The hurt could still be seen even if the camera had failed to capture the broken features of her face. Maura's index finger traced across Jane's frame, reliving for a moment what it had felt like to feel her so close to her. It hurt to remember. Right now, in this moment, it hurt to even feel.

She took her phone out of her pocket and scrolled through the received calls until she found the number that belonged to Jane. She hit the dial button and looked back down at the pictures as she waited for Jane to answer. The phone rang once, then twice and even a third time. She was about to hang up when she recognised Jane's deep, husky voice.

"Hey."

"Hi," Maura said clumsily. Suddenly everything she had wanted to say was gone. She took a deep breath. "Is… errr… is this a bad time?"

"Not really," Jane answered.

Maura could tell she was trying to sound neutral but she detected the hint of sadness in Jane's voice. She heard sounds in the background. Distant voices, as if Jane was surrounded by people but they weren't really close to her. She furrowed her brow. "Where are you?"

"The park," Jane answered.

Maura took a deep breath. Jane deserved to know that the pictures existed, even if she at least suspected they did. The escort service made a habit of sending pictures out to their clients to remind them they knew about their indiscretions. Undoubtedly somebody would sooner or later expect her to do them a favour. "There's something I need to show you. Do you think you can come to my house?"

"What's it about?"

"I'd rather not say over the phone," Maura replied, knowing that her refusal to discuss the subject right now would at least trigger Jane's curiosity. Her eyes drifted across the room and came to a rest on the photo of her and Jane with Korsak and Frost in the Dirty Robber. A slight smile spread across her face as she remembered those times. It had all seemed so simple then. Now nothing would ever be that simple again. "I would really like to see you, Jane."

"Okay," Jane said softly. If she was hesitant about seeing Maura, her voice didn't betray it. "I can be there in forty minutes."

Before Maura could say something else the line had disconnected. She heaved a sigh and pushed the pictures back into the envelope. They hadn't come as a surprise in some ways but to be confronted by what had happened was painful. She knew Jane wouldn't like it but she had a right to know. There was a chance the pictures could end up as evidence and she wanted her to at least see them before she made any decisions about what she was going to do with them.

She left the envelope on the coffee table and walked into the kitchen. She found Bass hiding behind the counter and smiled. He seemed to be asleep. She studied the tortoise for a moment, remembering the first time Jane had laid eyes on him. She'd shrieked and even argued that he wasn't a real pet but as time went on she had warmed to him and even offered to look after him when Maura went away on a convention for a couple of days. Even Jane's dog had taken a liking to Bass. They were both best friends and best enemies.

Maura made herself some tea and found a bag of salad in the fridge. She made up a dressing from a few simple ingredients and added croutons she found in the cupboard. She carried the bowl, her tea and a fork back to the couch and sat down. The envelope stared back at her but she resisted opening it a second time. She would wait for Jane to be there. As the thought crossed her head her eyes darted to the clock. The minutes were passing way too slow.

The knock on the door startled her and Maura looked up. She's picked up the latest medical journal and was reading an article about a genetic predisposition on addiction. The knock was repeated and she realised that it had to be Jane. She quickly got up, leaving the journal on the couch, and unlocked the front door. Jane stood outside.

"Your door's locked," she stated in confusion. "Why is your door locked? You never lock your door."

Maura cocked her head. "I do lock my doors, Jane. It would be very unwise not to. Even in a neighbourhood like Beacon Hill with a relatively low crime rate there is still a chance that…" She fell silent when she noticed the sudden twinkle in Jane's eyes. "Why do you always have to do that?"

Jane arched an eyebrow. "Do what?"

"That," Maura answered. "You ask questions that don't really need answering."

The sudden realisation that they had fallen back into an old, familiar pattern startled them both and was followed by silence. Maura's gaze lingered on the white woolly beanie hat Jane was wearing. It balanced on her dark curls. Some had been pushed up underneath it but a few dangled down the sides of her face. Dressed in jeans, boots and a jacket she looked every bit as fashionable as Maura. The look surprised her.

"May I come in?" Jane asked after a couple of minutes in which they had just stared at each other as if to determine this was actually real. She managed a smile. "Wouldn't want to risk someone trying to rob me out here, even in a neighbourhood with such a low crime rate."

Maura snorted and stepped aside to let Jane in. She closed the door behind her but resisting putting the lock back in place. Jane had already walked through the kitchen to the living room and turned around when she heard Maura behind her. Their gazes locked across the distance of the room and the atmosphere shifted. They were alone, trapped between four walls. Even if they wanted to there was no way they could deny something had changed between them and now that their eyes found each other Jane realised it even more than before. They weren't going to be the same again.

"You said there's something you want me to see," Jane said as she brushed a stubborn curl out of her eyes.

Maura circled the couch and picked up the envelope from the table. As she handed it to Jane their fingers brushed against each other. The electric shock made both of them jump. She took a deep breath. "This came in the post this morning. I had a look at it but I wanted you to see it too. I don't know what to do."

Jane carefully opened the envelope and let the pictures drop into her hand. She flicked through them in silence and without looking at Maura. She could feel the doctor's eyes on her but she couldn't bring herself to face her. The images captured their moment, as twisted and broken as it was, in perfect clarity. When she reached the black and white set her heart simply shattered in her chest. She wasn't aware she could feel this kind of pain, not since Maura had left her a year ago, but it was right there, in her chest, aching where her heart sat. It hurt to just see their faces, so lost in a moment that had driven them apart.

"I knew they were there," Jane whispered as she put the pictures down. She started pacing the living room and Maura followed her with her eyes. "Sarah said they have cameras anywhere, trying to catch every single moment." Her eyes darkened. "Why would a ladies room at some artsy fartsy party be any different?!"

"So you knew?" Maura wanted to know. "For sure?"

Jane stopped pacing. "I suspected they were watching." When she saw the hurt in Maura's eyes she swallowed hard. "You know what happened to Steve and Jorja! You know what they would have done to Katie and Leila if we hadn't stopped them. Maura, I didn't have a choice!"

"You could have told me," Maura said, the bitterness lacing her words. "There was a chance, Jane. You could have whispered in my ear that you suspected they were watching. You had a choice but you didn't give me one." Maura picked up one of the black and white pictures. It showed her resting her head against Jane's shoulders, her hands lost in strands of raven hair. "Instead you let me believe that _this _was the real you I was looking at. You could have told me!"

"I know," Jane admitted and averted her eyes. "And I'm sorry I didn't."

"You're sorry?!" Maura had raised her voice and the sudden change in volume made Jane looked back up. She had never heard Maura shout before. Not like this. Not with the sharpness of pain accenting every single word. "You're sorry that you treated me like this?"

Jane's eyes darkened. "Yes, I'm sorry," she answered sharply. "I am as sorry for hurting you as you are for leaving me twelve month ago!" Maura's eyes widened at those words but Jane wasn't done. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you that this was what was expected of me. What if they had found out I was a cop? They know who you are, Maura. How easy would it have been to find out that you and I know each other? I can live with them hurting me if they discover the truth but…" She swallowed as the tears suddenly burnt behind her eyes. "I would never forgive myself if they hurt you too."

"So you were protecting me?" Maura spat and threw the picture back down. It was as if they had suddenly burnt her fingers. "Well, you have a very funny way of showing it!"

"Maura, I didn't know what else to do!" Jane interjected and the despair echoed in her voice. "I gave you a choice. When we reached a point where I thought they had enough if they wanted to blackmail you, I gave you a chance to get out. You didn't take it when it was there. I…." Her voice cracked as the brutal reality sank in. "I didn't realise that what happened was because of how you felt…. About me."

Maura's eyes were blazing and she folded her arms across her chest. "You can't even call it for what it is, can you? We had sex, Jane. We had sex in a public toilet."

"Yes, we did," Jane answered through greeted teeth. "But I never wanted it to happen like that, Maur."

Maura blinked, anger suddenly flickering in her eyes. "What did you just say?"

"I never wanted it to happen like that. Not in some fancy toilet at some stupid party," Jane sighed. "I wanted us to talk about it first, make sure we both knew what we were doing. I didn't want the anger and the angst or the goddamn pain. I wanted for us to be just us, finding out who we were. Instead we're standing here shouting at each other and a set of pictures remind us of the stupid mistake we made."

"What happened was a _mistake_?" Maura breathed. Tears glistened in her eyes. She wasn't sure she could deal with the pain anymore. She didn't understand how two people could continue to hurt each other like this. "Jane, please…"

"_How _it happened was a mistake, Maura," Jane said softly and took a few steps towards the honey blonde. She reached out with both hands, palms facing up. Maura could see her scars. Jane had come here empty handed, without the intention of causing pain or hurting her. "I wanted us to discover all of this together." Dark eyes searched for and found hazel brown. "We've been apart for a year, Maura. Suddenly you walk back into my life and one night you turn up in the pouring rain. I tell you I love you. I tell you I missed you and you tell me those same things too. We were supposed to stay those people, those two complete idiots in the rain, but instead we became these people…" She pointed at the picture. "That isn't who we are, Maura."

"What do you mean?" Maura asked with a tiny voice.

"What I'm saying is that this isn't who we are," Jane whispered. "God, I was so scared that you would look at me differently. When you apologised… I don't know but I kinda lost it, you know? I didn't want to think about losing you again. What I said wasn't meant to hurt you but it did and I wish there was something I could do to take that pain away but there isn't." She took a deep breath. "I'm just a person, Maura. A person who's being held together by good intentions and mistakes. It is all that I know how to be."

Maura suddenly smiled through her tears and without warning she took Jane's hands and brought them close to her face. Soft lips kissed every single finger as her eyes found Jane's. "I want you. I want _all_ of you. Your flaws, your imperfections, your annoying habits and your mistakes. I want you and only you, Jane."

Jane looked down at Maura holding her hands. "I can't promise I'll be good enough for you."

"Nobody can," Maura answered softly. "We can only promise to try."

Jane swallowed hard. "How did we end up like this? There are times I look at you and I see a stranger and then there are moments when I see my best friend, the woman I love. How can we be both those things at the same time?"

"What matters more is that we become less of a stranger and more of a lover," Maura said and let her fingers dance across Jane's cheek. "I've missed you, Jane. I've missed you for the past twelve months and I've missed you since I've come back. I know not all of this is your fault. We both made mistakes."

"I guess that makes us both jerks," Jane grinned sheepishly and Maura smiled too. Through tears smiles could be so beautiful, Jane thought. "I can't promise I won't make any more mistakes, Maur. I suck at relationships and anyone would tell you that the closest I come to understanding emotions is by drawing happy or sad faces on a piece of paper. But I want to be a better person. For you."

"And because you want to, you will be," Maura answered.

She leant in and her lips tenderly found Jane's. The kiss was soft and sweet but it told a story of two friends who became strangers before taking a different road in life and meeting again as lovers. When they parted their eyes found each other again and Jane could only smile. She rested her forehead against Maura's and placed her hands unexpectedly against her chest, right over her heart. She felt it beating softly against the palm of her hand, against her scars.

"I promise to make it better," she whispered. "We can't forget or undo what went wrong but maybe we can start over?" Dark eyes found lighter ones. "Be different people from now on?"

Maura nodded and kissed the corner of Jane's mouth. "We'll get there. I know we will."

* * *

**Lyrics in this chapter:** David Gray - Lullaby


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's note:** Have all of you in the States recovered from the Super Bowl weekend?! We're getting rather close to the ending of this story and I just wanted to say thanks to each and every single one of you who took the time to review, follow or favourite this story. As I was writing this story another idea for a Rizzles story came to me. It will be titled "Mirror, Mirror" and will be coming soon! For now though: just sit back, enjoy the ride and remember... Not everything is always what it seems ;-)

* * *

**Chapter 20**

There was something incredibly familiar about watching Maura walk around the living room. Jane sat on the couch and followed the honey blonde with her eyes. An empty coffee cup stood on the table and the black and white pictures lay scattered across the surface. Neither had really looked at them since their earlier conversation and now that Maura had gotten up, Jane leant across the table and collected them into a neat pile. She slipped them back into the envelope and looked up when Maura walked back into the living room. A smile graced her lips.

"I couldn't quite believe it when I turned around just now and saw you sitting there," she said softly as she sat down. Her hand grazed across Jane's leg, leaving a burning trail in its wake. Bright hazel eyes met dark brown and Jane could see the sincerity.

Jane cocked her head as she studied Maura's face. "You never told me what it was like in Africa."

"It's the kind of place that time forgot," Maura answered quietly and she chewed her bottom lip. "We take for granted all the things we have. The comfort of a home to come back at after a long day at work, plenty of money to feed our hunger and put clothes on our backs." The echo of sadness in her voice couldn't be missed. "I've always been very aware of the fact my parents are wealthy. When I'm in Africa, that wealth makes me uncomfortable. It makes me appreciate that it isn't our God given right to have the things we have."

Jane felt her heart swell with pride. Although the Rizzolis had never had much money when she was growing up, hger parents always managed to put food on the table. They never went without the things they needed in their lives but there were often times that the things they wanted couldn't be bought. She'd never forget the fact that the bike she got for her sixth birthday was second hand but she hadn't loved it any less. When she first met Maura she thought she was a little pretentious and even snobbish because of her wealthy background but she had quickly learnt that Maura didn't take her money for granted. She splashed out on things Jane sometimes considered unnecessary but she also knew Maura supported numerous charities.

"I can't imagine a country so torn apart by war and famine," Jane said softly. Through her eyelashes she peered at Maura. She could see the memory in her eyes. In her head, Maura was back in Africa. "Maybe you can take me there some time? There must be something I can do to make a difference too?"

Maura's eyes lit up. "You'd do that?"

Jane nodded, happy that she had managed to bring some happiness to Maura's eyes. "I would."

"It's the kind of place you can't even begin to imagine. No sanitation, little to no running water. The ground is dry. It hardly ever rains. Often the crops are ruined because they don't have water. The things you see on the TV don't even begin to describe how terrible the situation really is. People die from malaria because they don't have access to the mosquito nets and medicine is expensive."

"Maura…"

"Africa is beautiful, Jane. Sometimes you don't just feel like you're in a different country, it's as if you're on another planet. Some parts of nature have been undisturbed for decades." Maura suddenly smiled. "I have seen the most beautiful sunsets and the most stunning midnight skies." She looked at Jane. "I knew there was only one place for me to go to when I left Boston. It was only there that I could find out what it was I needed to do. Africa had all the answers to my questions."

Maura reached for Jane's hands and their fingers entwined. It was a simple gesture but as Jane looked down at their linked hand she realised it was so much more than that. Nothing had ever been simple for her and Maura. They had come to this point by travelling along a road full of mistakes. The longer she looked at Maura's fingers fitting perfectly between her own, the more she realised that maybe a year ago they hadn't been ready for this.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here when Casey died."

Jane's eyes snapped up when Maura spoke those words. She found the other woman looking at her and she could tell Maura was nervous about what she had just said. She tried to smile and observed the relief filling Maura's face.

"I know you really cared about him, Jane. I'm sorry you lost your friend."

Jane swallowed. The lump in her throat was unexpected. She rarely talked about Casey. On the anniversary of his death she hadn't even gone to the cemetery to leave flowers on his grave. Instead she had only focused on the fact that it had been a year since Maura left. She hadn't even thought about Casey's ex-wife and her questions about the frozen embryos since Maura had arrived back in Boston. There was a time where she had envisioned Casey to be a part of her life but now he was only part of her memory. The thought brought unexpected tears to her eyes and she wiped them away. "You didn't know, Maur."

"But I should have known, Jane. I knew how scared you were. I knew you didn't want to look at the research and I made you do it anyway." Maura's tone was serious. "I'm sorry, Jane."

Jane looked down at her hands. "I kept thinking that you would turn you, you know. During the funeral." She remembered it well. It was as if someone had ripped the scene straight out of a movie. It rained and those who came to pay their respects huddled together under black umbrellas as the priest spoke out his prayers. The star spangled banner had been draped across Casey's coffin and she'd seen the bitter tears his mother shed. She'd known Michelle Jones for years but suddenly she'd seen a woman old beyond her years, tainted by the death of her son. She'd felt guilty, even though she hadn't been the reason Casey had died. The army was what he lived for but to be so brutally confronted with the loss of a loved one, a friend, had changed her.

She looked back up to find Maura looking back at her. "A year can really change a person, can't it?"

"It can," Maura agreed and she glanced down at her hand still holding Jane's. "Part of me knows that what I did was wrong but there is a part of me that also thinks that perhaps we wouldn't be here right now, your hand in mine, if I hadn't left you."

Jane suddenly chuckled. "I never thought we'd turn into a cliché."

"What do you mean?"

A slight blush crept across Jane's cheeks as she recited one of the best known sayings about love. "If you love her, let her go. If she comes back, she's yours. If she doesn't, she never was."

Maura furrowed her brow. "Surely there can't be a scientific explanation that…"

"Shush," Jane said softly and leaned in. Her lips found Maura's. They were soft and warm and she smiled as she felt Maura relax into the kiss. It was all still new. It was as if they had stepped into another world where they didn't know anything. She smiled as she pulled back and her free hand brushed a strand of hair out of Maura's face. "Just let me believe that little saying for now, okay? I want to believe that it's true."

"Okay," Maura answered and scooted closer towards Jane until her body rested against that of the dark haired detective. She lay her head down on Jane's shoulder and Jane's arm slipped effortlessly down her back, pulling her even closer. "Okay."

"This is going to change everything, isn't it?" Jane asked carefully. Her fingertips had encountered the hem of Maura's shirt and her fingers brushed against the soft exposed flesh of Maura's back. She felt Maura snuggle into her a little more.

"Yes," Maura answered rather matter-of-factly. "I know it's never going to be like it was, Jane."

The silence between them was interrupted by the sound of Jane's phone vibrating and Maura pushed herself up on her arm so Jane could reach into her pocket. She checked the caller ID and her eyes snapped back at Maura. Jane's finger covered her lips, motioning her to be silent, and showed the screen. It flashed LINDSEY. Maura nodded in understanding and Jane answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Jane, it's Lindsey. Is this a bad time?"

Jane willed herself to stay calm. She hadn't expected to hear from Lindsey today at all. "No, it's fine," she answered and became aware of how easily she slipped into the persona of an escort. When she noticed Maura looking at her, her hazel eyes suddenly several shades darker, she took a deep breath. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm sorry to bother you, I know we agreed you'd have the day off but I had a call from Madeleine. One of her best customers has asked for you to meet her at her hotel room tonight. I trust this isn't a problem?"

Jane shook her head. "No, I don't see why it would be. Do you have the address?"

"I'll send my driver to pick you up at seven. He'll drive you to and from the hotel," Lindsey said and Jane heard music playing in the background. It sounded like Lindsey was in a restaurant somewhere. Her eyes darted to her watch. It was just after four o'clock. "All I ask is for your discretion and to do everything she asks of you. She'll pay you well."

"Of course," Jane answered. "I'll meet your driver at seven. I won't let you down." She hung up and let the phone fall into her lap before covering her face with her hands. "When are Vice and Narcotics going to take this whole thing down?" Through her fingers she looked at Maura. "How did Frost and Korsak get on with that lawyer?"

"They took his DNA. I am waiting for the test results to come back," Maura answered. "He didn't deny being with Steve but he did deny seeing him the night he was killed. I know he didn't push him out of the car."

"He probably thinks we suspect him. If he admits he was Steve that night, he knows he's making himself look guilty." Jane sighed. "DNA doesn't lie." She stood up and Maura followed. She took her bag and started for the door. "Did they get anywhere with the hand and the ring?"

Maura shook her head. "No matches anywhere. Frost couldn't find his face on the video."

Jane frowned. "A lot of people who went to the gallery also turned up at the charity ball last night." Her eyes found Maura. "They had security cameras there too. Maybe Frost can try and see if our mystery man attended last night's party too."

"I'll call him," Maura assured her as she opened the door. Before Jane could step outside however she took the detective's arm and pressed her flush against the now open door. Her lips found Jane's and she kissed her. Without hesitation or reservation but with all the passion and strength she could find inside herself. Jane's fingers tangled in soft honey blonde locks as she pulled Maura into the kiss. When their tongues found each other Jane willingly let Maura control her. The need for oxygen eventually drove them apart and Maura's eyes connected with Jane's.

"Be careful."

"I will," Jane said softly. She reached for Mayra's hand and brought it to lips. She kissed it, reassuring Maura that she really would be fine. "I promise I won't let her touch me, Maur."

"I know," Maura answered but her eyes reflected her worry and her fear.

"I'll call you later," Jane promised and started walking down the drive. Maura's house wasn't too far from her penthouse and she was going to walk home. It gave her some space and time to clear her head and reorganise her thoughts. She was becoming more and more desperate for the case to come to an end but Rita had not really let on that it was about to happen anytime soon. She didn't want to sit it out but it looked like she didn't have a choice.

The walk home took about half an hour and when Jane stepped into the elevator she absolutely resented the fact she had to go out tonight. She'd wanted to spend the night with Maura, discovering once again what it felt like to just be together. They had to redefine their relationship but so far they barely had a chance to even be together, let alone to talk. As the elevator doors slid open and revealed the seventh floor, Jane fished her keys out of her bag and opened the door. She kicked off her shoes and started stripping off on her way to the bathroom.

She stepped into the shower and washed her hair before scrubbing her skin with some of the sweet smelling body scrub followed by the coconut scented shower gel. She made sure to shave her legs, arm pits and anywhere else before stepping out from under the comforting warm water. With a towel draped around her Jane smeared body butter across her legs and arms and padded around the bedroom towards the walk-in wardrobe to choose an outfit for the night.

By now it was almost a quarter to six. She didn't have much longer before Lindsey's driver arrived to pick her up and ferry her to her mystery date. With a sigh Jane chose a blue dress from the collection hanging up. It came with matching shoes. She carried the dress back into the bedroom and rummaged through the bedside drawer to find her wire. She strapped it around her waist before picking her choice of underwear. As she stepped into the pair of laced black panties she hoped she wouldn't come to the point where she'd be revealing this part of herself. After readjusting the bra straps she carefully slipped the dress over her head and let it slide down her slender frame.

Jane turned to the mirror and zipped up the dress. It clung to the curves of her body. She didn't experience the same burst of adrenaline and energy she got on previous night when she studied her reflection. She didn't want to do this anymore. She felt like she was betraying Maura, even though she knew what she was doing tonight. She'd seen the hurt flash behind her eyes and Jane felt guilty. She heaved a sigh as she stepped into the high heeled pumps and walked back into the bedroom to apply her make-up. She began to spread the foundation across her face and slowly watched how the real Jane Rizzoli disappeared.

~()~

Across Beacon Hill Maura's attention was drawn to her phone when it rang. She'd left it on the kitchen counter after pouring herself a glass of water and now she quickly got up to answer it. A glance at the caller ID screen told her it was Frost. "Hello, detective."

"You were right," Frost said. He sounded rushed and out of breath, as if he had been running for some time. "When you called about the charity ball I asked for all the security footage."

"You did that fast," Maura noted, realising that Jane had only been gone for an hour and a half. "How did you get them so quick?"

"Cavanaugh pulled a few strings. They were delivered to us by email," Frost answered. "Frankie got the popcorn and we were about to get comfortable."

"About to? You mean you're not still watching it?"

"We started to but then Frankie suggested that maybe it would help if we'd come up with some kind of system to narrow it down a little quicker," Frost explained. "So I played around with the facial recognition system a little so it only focused on males. It stops us having to look at the women and just snaps pictures of every man in every shot. We can them zoom in to their hands and see if any of them wear a ring." He paused. "It seemed like a good plan at first but then we realised there must have been at least a hundred and fifty men there."

"Does the programme allow calibration for skin colour?" Maura asked. "Our suspect is Caucasian."

"Way ahead of you, Doc," Frost answered. "We did just that and it kept snapping pictures." Another pause and a ping that sounded like an elevator. "Frankie found him."

"What?" Maura breathed in shock.

"We found him. The mystery man. He was there, at the party. Him and his fancy ring."

Maura's heart skipped a beat. "Text me the picture."

"You should have it in a second," Frost said and the words had barely left his mouth when Maura's phone bleeped in the middle of their conversation. She pulled it away from her ear and opened the message. Slowly the picture vegan to open and it revealed a picture. She looked down at the face of a man with cold blue eyes and the back of her throat became dry.

"DNA results came in too," Frost said and Maura could just about hear him as she stared at the picture on her screen. "Nicholas DeWalt had sex with Steve McGregor the night he died. We think he killed him."

"I don't think he did," Maura suddenly said and she brought the phone back to her ear. Panic suddenly laced her voice. "Nicholas DeWalt may have slept with Steve but this is the man who dumped his body. It wouldn't surprise me if he killed him too. And I know who he is!"

~()~

Jane had just finished applying lip gloss when she heard the knock on the door. She sighed, glanced at herself in the mirror one last time before leaving the bathroom and walked through the bedroom into the living room to answer the door. She peered through the spy hole and spotted the man outside. H was dressed in a simple black suit and his dark hair was combed back. She turned the door handle and opened the door.

"Jane?" the man asked with a friendly smile. He exposed a set of pearly white teeth and Jane nodded. "I'm Dan. Lindsey sent me to pick you up."

"Come in," she said. "I just need to grab a couple of things and I'll be ready to go."

He stepped inside and she closed the door behind him. She rushed back into the bedroom to grab her handbag. She shoved her phone into one of the many pockets as well as one of her lipsticks and ran her fingers through her unruly hair. She sprinkled some perfume on the inside of her wrists and turned around. The next second all she felt was pain and the world began to spin. Her legs turned into jelly and her knees buckled. Slowly she slumped down to the ground and managed to protect her head with her arms before hitting the floor.

She rolled over onto her back, her arms in front of her ready to defend herself. Her eyes snapped up to the figure now standing over her and they widened when she recognised Dan. He stared down at her, his eyes empty and distant. In his hand he held a knife with a blade at least eight inches long. His hands were clad in leather gloves. She hadn't seen him wear them when she let him into the penthouse. As she attempted to sit back up, Dan's boot was planted firmly against her chest and he pressed her back down. The weight of his leg crushed her ribcage and the air was knocked out of her lungs.

"What are you doing?" she managed to whisper.

Everything came flooding back. Suddenly she was down to the stone cold floor of a basement in the middle of nowhere with Hoyt straddling her and the scalpels pinning her against the ground. The pain, the fear and the horror welled up inside of her and suddenly the scars on her hands burnt so badly, like someone had poured acid on them. Her stomach turned and she felt the bile rise up in her throat. Dan's foot kept her down and when she tried to kick him he just stepped out of her reach.

"Madeleine says to remind you she doesn't like people talking to the cops behind her back," Dan hissed as he slowly knelt down beside Jane. The blade of the knife reflected the light from the ceiling lamp and Jane shivered. He leant in, the tip of the blade now sliding across Jane's throat. It was cold against her skin and the hairs in the back of her neck rose up. "And Lindsey says that no one…." He paused and pressed the blade a little harder against her skin. "…._no one_ betrays her."

"You're not going to get away with this," Jane managed to whisper. "They know I'm a cop."

"They never found out who killed Steve."

Jane's eyes darkened. The pieces suddenly fell into the place. "_You _did."

Dan cocked his head. "So you figured it out. Oh well done, Detective McSmarty Pants. Do you want a gold star for the brilliant detective work you did?" He chuckled. It was a low, throaty chuckle. Jane became aware of his smell. He reeked of expensive cologne. "You could be the best detective in Boston, Jane, but it isn't going to help you now."

"They'll find out it was you, you son of a bitch," she grunted. "They'll nail your ass."

Dan shook his head. "They are never going to find me. Once I've took care of you, Lindsey's going to send me on a nice long holiday to Mexico. I'll be gone before they even find your body."

Jane's breath hitched as she felt the blade slowly pierce her skin. A warm trickle of blood seeped down her neck. "No…"

"Time's up, Jane," Dan whispered in her ear. He was so close she almost feel his lips against her cheek. She turned her head away in disgust. Her heart hammered in her chest. "They'll think someone walked in on you getting ready when they intended to rob the place. You put up a fight; they panicked and stabbed you, leaving you to bleed to death on the floor of this expensive penthouse." He laughed. The echo bounced off the bedroom walls. "What's one less whore in this world anyway?"

Dan lifted up his arm, the knife now high above his head, hovering over her stomach. Jane remembered Maura telling her that one of the slowest, most painful ways to die was a stab wound to the stomach. She'd stared death in the face before, in the shape of Charles Hoyt. She had fought and she survived. She overcame the fear of death a second time when a bullet entered her abdomen and tore her apart on the inside. Jane was no longer afraid to die. There were only four words she wanted to have spoken out loud before she lost her connection with life. Words she wished she could have spoken to the right person at the right time but she couldn't die knowing they had never been said at all.

"I love you, Maura."

Dan's face was emotionless. The mask of a killer had been carefully placed over the face of a human being. Jane's arms shot up in defence and she caught a glimpse of her own reflection in the blade. She saw her own fear in her eyes and forced herself to keep looking up. If she was going to die, she was going to do it with her eyes wide open, looking death straight in the face.

As the blade came down and pierced the flesh of her stomach, the sudden sound of a single gunshot rang out.


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's note:** Apologies for the cliff hanger, people, but it needed to be done. I am here to put you all out of your misery now though. All your reviews are awesome and a handful of you predicted who the person with the gun is. Enjoy!

* * *

**Chapter 21**

It was as if the world came to a sudden stop. There was no sound. Her eyes had rolled up towards the ceiling and she could see the bedroom light. It blinded her. Blood was rushing in her ears and all she could taste was bile in the back of her throat. The pain had come without warning and now it washed over her like a tsunami wave. She didn't even realise the tears were trickling down her face until she felt a hand against her cheek. She managed to turn her head. The rest of her body failed to move.

"Jane?"

Maura's voice was soft and frightened hazel eyes searched the detective's face. They then darted across her body and Maura's instincts took over. She placed her hands on either side of the ripped dress and tore it open, revealing the injury beneath. In her head she played out the human anatomy she knew so well. The stab wound on Jane's stomach sat maybe an inch above her belly button, slightly towards the left. It bled profusely and Maura immediately applied pressure in an attempt to stop the bleeding. The warm burgundy liquid spilled through her fingers as she pressed down on Jane's stomach. She sat on her knees, blood already staining her clothes. The gun lay at her side.

She finally managed to speak. Her voice was broken and it hurt to talk. "Maur?"

"I's going to be fine, Jane," Maura reassured her with a soft, comforting voice and looked at the dark haired detective. A fine sheen of sweat glistened on Jane's forehead as her body struggled to cope with the pain. "You're going to be fine." She tried to smile but it didn't erase the fear in her eyes. "The wound's doesn't seem to be very deep. You're going to be just fine, Jane."

"How did you…" Jane began but she couldn't finish the sentence. With every word she spoke her breath hitched. She gasped for air as another wave of pain spread through her body.

"Don't talk now," Maura interrupted her. "I'll explain everything once you're in the hospital." She heard the sirens wailing in the distance and relief settled in her chest. Her eyes lingered on the lifeless body lying half a foot away from Jane. Dan lay face down on the carpet. A large pool of blood had formed underneath him, the burgundy a sharp and unsettling contrast against the cream carpet. The knife had fallen from his hand and lay not far from Jane's head. The blade was covered in blood.

"Doctor Isles?!"

Korsak's booming voice echoed through the penthouse and Maura's head whipped up. "In the bedroom!"

Footsteps came running and a couple of seconds later both Korsak and Frost appeared in the bedroom doorway, their guns drawn. They lowered them when they realised the situation was clear and Frost rushed over to Maura's side. His eyes were wide with fear and he and Maura looked at each other. For a brief moment they both remembered what had happened on the steps of Boston PD's Headquarters several years ago when Jane shot herself. Maura had been at her side first, her hands pressing down at the bleeding abdominal wound just like she was now. Frost had been next and he'd placed Jane's head in his lap until the paramedics arrived. It was what partners did. They had each other's back.

Korsak pushed against Dan's body with his foot to make sure he wasn't going to get up and turned to Maura. He'd seen the exit wound on the back and arched an eyebrow in surprise. "That's one hell of a shot, Doc."

"We had to learn to protect ourselves from insurgents in Africa," Maura explained and underneath her hands Jane stirred. She looked down at the dark haired woman's face and smiled in adoration. She wasn't going to let Jane slip away from her. She'd experienced that feeling once before and she had no intention of letting it happen again. "I never thought I'd actually be putting it into practice."

The sound of voices followed by footsteps flooded into the penthouse and Korsak called for the paramedics to come into the bedroom. They were followed by Cavanaugh. He looked worried until he laid eyes on Jane and noticed she was awake. He released the breath he'd been holding and looked down at her as the paramedics went about preparing Jane for transport. "You always have to do things a little different, don't you, Rizzoli?"

Jane flinched as the paramedics moved her onto the spinal board and instinctively reached for Maura's hand. "At least I get it done."

"That you did," Cavanaugh agreed. "We'll fill you in when you're ready, Rizzoli."

"Maur?"

"I'm right here, Jane," Maura whispered. Her hands safely enclosed Jane. They were covered in blood and so were her clothes. There was even a smudge of blood across her cheek but Maura didn't care. "I'm here."

Tired dark eyes found bright hazel brown. "Don't leave me?"

"I won't," Maura promised and swallowed back the sudden the tears that had welled up in her eyes. "I'll never leave you again."

"Your mother and brothers will meet you at the hospital," Korsak said. "You just try to relax, Jane. We've got this." He rested a hand on her shoulder like a father would comfort his daughter and squeezed it. "You've done good, Jane, but it's over now. All you need to do is get better and let the doctors take care of you."

Jane managed a chuckle. "I have my own doctor now."

Maura just smiled and waited for the paramedics to finish preparing Jane for transport. As Korsak, Frost and Cavanaugh began canvassing the room Maura briefly left Jane's side and stepped into the walk-in wardrobe. She found a sweater, a pair of sweats, some socks and a tank top and crammed them in one of the designer handbags. By the time she joined Jane again she found the detective smiling. A single glance at the syringe in the paramedics' hand told her Jane had been given morphine. She'd be smiling for a while.

"We're ready to rock and roll," the youngest of the paramedics said and they started wheeling the stretcher across the bedroom. Jane waved goodbye to Korsak and Frost with a lopsided grin and Mayra followed, shaking her head. Before she stepped out of the room she glanced over her shoulder one last time and her eyes lingered on the pool of blood on the carpet. It was Jane's blood. She swallowed her tears and tore her eyes away before following the paramedics and Jane out of the penthouse.

When Jane was wheeled out of the apartment building, another car pulled up. Maura, who was about to climb into the ambulance, paused and watched how a red haired woman got out of the car. It was an unmarked police vehicle and in her head the pieces fell into place. This had to be Rita, the detective responsible for Jane's undercover operation. Anger flared up in Maura's stomach but she composed herself. She took a deep breath and crossed her arms in front of her chest as she watched the other woman approach.

"How is she?" Rita asked. Her gaze dropped to Maura's blood stained clothes and hands and the colour instantly drained from the detective's face.

"Single thoracoabdominal stab wound," Maura replied. Her features hardened as she took in the other woman's appearance. Rita looked dishevelled. Her hair was messy and her jeans were ripped and stained with what looked like oil and paint. She wore a simple black hooded top. Her gun was strapped to her hip and her badge hung around her neck. She knew it was illogical, somewhere deep down, but she held Rita responsible for what had happened to Jane. "They'll have to do a chest X-ray to see the full extent of the damage."

"I came as soon as I heard it on the scanner," Rita said and her eyes flashed briefly towards the ambulance. When she looked back at Maura she saw the anger in her eyes. "You must be Doctor Isles."

"I am," Maura answered coolly. "How could you let this happen?!"

Rita blinked. "What?!"

"You knew there was a chance they could find out Jane's a cop," Maura insisted. "Why did Narcotics and Vice wait so long to take the operation down? Detective Frost told me he called Lieutenant Copperfield before he called me. He sent him the picture of the suspect. Why didn't anyone inform Jane?!"

"There wasn't time." Rita ran her fingers through her hair. "When Detective Frost called, we were about to take down the shipment of drugs that was intended for Madeleine. We had to make a choice."

Maura's eyes darkened. "The drugs over Jane?"

"You don't understand," Rita tried but she realised Maura's anger made it impossible for her to listen to what she had to say. She shook her head and raised her hands in defeat. "Go with Jane. Make sure she's going to be allright. Tell her I'll be at the hospital soon. There's something she needs to know." Her eyes found Maura's and she held her gaze. "You may want to hear it too."

Maura didn't answer. She turned on her heel and climbed into the ambulance. The younger paramedic sat next to Jane. He had applied a basic band aid that was already saturated with blood. He'd managed to get an IV going and he had just finished taping Jane's hand to make sure the needle didn't come out. Jane, who until that moment had been looking on in fascination, smiled when she noticed Maura climbing into the ambulance.

"Look what I got, Maur!" she said and showed her hand. Her eyes were the size of dinner plates and Maura couldn't suppress a grin. Jane on morphine was almost adorable and although she'd been scared when she first laid eyes on Jane with Dan still on top of her, that fear slowly subsided now. Jane's face was glowing. "They even put a plaster on!"

"How long till this wears off?" Maura asked the paramedic.

"Couple of hours."

"You're lucky you won't be there then," Maura grinned and he gave her sympathetic smile. "All hell's going to break loose."

"Hey, do you know who that is?" Jane asked the paramedic and pointed at Maura. She had this cheesy grin on her face and her eyes were wide open. Maura couldn't help but smile but it was replaced by a blush when the next set of words rolled from Jane's tongue. "That's my girlfriend."

"How did we go from you almost getting stabbed to death to you acting like this?" she grinned but her hand covered Jane's anyway and the paramedic looked on with a confused grin. "You won't be talking like this once the morphine wears off, Jane."

Jane turned her head so she could look at the honey blonde doctor. "Do you think I'll need surgery, Maura?"

"That depends on the extent of your injury, Jane," Maura answered patiently.

"Will it leave a scar?"

"Most likely, yes."

"Great!"

Maura furrowed her brow in confusion. "Why would that be great?"

"Because I already have a scar on the other side. Now at least they match!"

Maura shook her head and decided that perhaps it was best to ignore Jane's drug enhanced mood. The drive to the hospital wasn't long and she noticed Jane's grip on her hand slacking as the minutes began to pass. The soft, monotone beeping of the heart machine told her that Jane was stable and she realised she had just drifted off into a morphine induced sleep. She smiled as she brushed a strand of hair out of Jane's eyes. Her face felt soft and warm under her fingers. For a single second her eyes lingered on her bloodied hands. Jane's blood. She then looked at Jane sleeping. She seemed so peaceful.

After another ten minutes the ambulance came to a stop and the paramedic opened the door. His partner joined him and together they wheeled Jane out of the van. Maura followed them into the ER and was directed to the desk to fill in the paperwork. She knew she wouldn't be allowed to stay with Jane for the initial assessment of her injuries, no matter how badly she wanted to. So instead she picked up a pen and began filling out the paperwork one of the nurses gave her. As she was writing she noticed some of the people in the waiting room staring at her and she realised it was because of the blood on her clothing.

"Maura?!"

She turned around when she heard Angela's voice and before she could answer the older Rizzoli had wrapped her up in a warm, loving embrace and hugged her. Maura rested her head on Angela's shoulder, happy to feel that someone else was here with her now, and when they parted Angela looked Maura up and down. She covered her mouth with both hands and gasped at the sight of the blood.

"She's fine," Maura quickly said. "She lost some blood but not much. They're going to do a chest x-ray to make sure everything's fine inside but with a little luck Jane will only need a handful of stitches."

"And a good ass kicking," Frankie added. He had appeared behind his mother and unbuttoned his coat. He gave it to Maura so she could cover up some of the blood stains and she smiled in appreciation. "She always seems to get herself into trouble, our Janie."

"So you think she's going to be fine?" Angela asked. There was fear in her eyes.

"Yes," Maura answered. "She was talking on the way here. The knife didn't hit any of her organs."

"Frost says you shot the guy who attacked her," Frankie said and Maura nodded. Suddenly she realised her hands were shaking and she folded her arms across her chest. Although she had received training on how to use a gun, until today she had never actually fired one. Now she had. She had fired a bullet at a man and she killed him.

"I did." It came out like a whisper and she swallowed as the emotions suddenly washed over her. The tears welled up in her eyes and she tried to fight them off but it was too late. Angela's arm slipped around her shoulders and she helped Maura towards a couple of chairs. They sat down and Maura cried softly as Angela's hand drew circles on her lower back in comfort. She rested her head against Maura's. As much as she had seen the hurt in Jane's eyes after Maura left, she had never stopped caring about the medical examiner. Maura was as much her daughter as Jane was.

"We made up," Maura said softly. She gave Angela a sideways glance and saw that the older woman smiled. "Jane and I. We talked about it and we've made up. I don't really know where we're going after this but…"

"It'll work out," Angela said soothingly. "Things like this always do."

It was as if time passed a lot slower when sitting in a waiting room. Maura's eyes were constantly drawn to the large clock on the wall to find only a couple more minutes had gone by since the last time she looked. She'd washed the blood off her hands and face in the ladies room and splashed some cold water just to freshen herself up a little. Frankie's jacket covered most of the blood on her clothes and people had stopped staring at her. Several empty cups of cheap and mechanical tasting coffee stood on the small table beside them and Frankie had just finished a bag of potato chips.

After about half an hour of waiting Maura saw Rita Wilcox walk into the ER waiting room and stood up. The red haired detective turned around when she heard Maura walk towards her. Relief filled her face when Maura said that Jane was doing allright and they were waiting for her to come back from the chest x-ray.

"Do you think she'll be alert enough to hear what went down?" Rita asked.

"They gave her morphine not long before we got here," Maura answered and checked her watch. "That was an hour ago. This is Jane. If she's awake, chances are she'll want to know what happened." Maura chewed her bottom lip. "Did you get the result you wanted?"

"Both Madeleine and Lindsey are currently in custody and both are creating hell in their respective holding cells," Rita said with a smile. "We intercepted the drugs and busted the prostitution and call girl ring. Dan's confession will be on Jane's tape." A hint of triumph laced her words. "The evidence will all be sent to the DA's office tomorrow morning. Case closed."

A nurse walked into the waiting room and called, "Rizzoli?!"

Maura's head whipped around and she quickly walked back to Angela and Frankie. Angela wrapped an arm around Maura's shoulders and pulled her closer in a way only a mother could. Maura felt the tension slowly subside from her body and when she looked at Angela she found Angela looking back at her, a smile on her lips. Whatever was going to happen, they were going to get through it as a family.

"Jane's fine," the nurse said. "They did the chest x-ray and it showed no internal bleeding or damage. She got lucky because the blade almost pierced her diaphragm. She's going to need some stitches but after that she should be good to go home." Her eyes singled out Maura. "You're her doctor?"

"I'm her partner," Maura corrected her and she felt pride well up in her chest for saying those words. Angela squeezed her hand. "And I'm a doctor too."

"The wound will need redressing tonight and then again tomorrow morning. After that it can be changed once day. We'll prescribe her some pain medication for the next forty-eight hours but after that Jane should be able to manage on ibuprofen. Make sure she doesn't overexert herself or the stitches might burst. When redressing the wound, check the edges are clean," the nurse said and smiled when Maura nodded. "I'm probably giving you all the information you already know."

"How is she doing?" Angela asked.

"She's talking," the nurse answered. "The morphine has started to wear off so she is in a little discomfort."

Maura nodded. "Have you stitched her yet?"

"They're just doing it now."

"Can we see her?" Maura wanted to know.

The nurse nodded. "She's asking for you."

"You go see her with that detective," Angela said and her eyes flashed towards Rita who was inspecting leaflets on pregnancy and STD's. Maura was about to shake her head and interject that she and Frankie should see Jane first but Angela silenced her with just one look. "I know Jane will want to know what happened."

Maura nodded and broke away from the two Rizzoli's. When she reached Rita the detective turned around and she blinked in surprise to see Maura standing behind her. Maura put a hand on Rita's arm as if to silently end the worries she knew the other woman was experiencing right now. Kind hazel eyes found green and she smiled encouragingly.

"They say we can see her now."

"You sure you want me in there?" Rita asked.

Maura nodded. "I know Jane does."

They followed the nurse into the A&E department and she led them to a unit towards the end of the room. She pulled the curtain aside and revealed a standard issue hospital bed. Jane lay on her back, propped up against several pillows. She wore a hospital gown but it was pulled up to just below her chest, exposing her tanned and well-toned abdomen. The scar from the shooting sat like a silver line across her skin. The other side of her stomach was covered with a green sheet and the doctor just finished off stitching her wound. Maura looked on, counting at least fifteen stitches. When she let her eyes trail up to find Jane's, the detective was looking back at her.

"Hey," Maura smiled as she circled the bed and took Jane's hand into her own. "How are you feeling?"

"Could be worse," Jane answered and her eyes flashed from Maura to Rita. "What happened?"

"We busted Lindsey and Madeleine," Rita said and Jane sighed in relief. "We confiscated the drugs that were intended for distribution and we've taken all the girls and boys that work for Lindsey into custody as well. Dan's confession will be on your wire and we'll prove that either Madeleine or Lindsey instructed him to kill Steve and attack you."

"What will happen to the girls?" Maura asked quietly. "Many of them didn't want to do the things they were made to do."

"Most of them will probably be released without charge. A few are here illegally. We'll have to work out whether we can find some way for them to stay in the US or whether they'll be deported. Their testimonies are vital so that could be one of the reasons they could be granted a visa to stay," Rita said. "There are a handful of girls who have already refused to testify. None of them are illegal so they'll face prostitution and blackmail charges."

"How did Lindsey become suspicious?" Jane asked. She pushed herself up into a more seated position and pulled the gown down her body now that the stitching was finished. The burning pain spread through her abdomen but she bit her tongue and didn't flinch. Her grip on Maura's hand tightened and Maura returned the squeeze, silently telling Jane that she knew she was in pain.

Rita ran a hand through her hair. "Lindsey found out that Katie and Leila were arrested and didn't just run away."

Jane cocked her head. "How did she know?"

"We suspect it may have been somebody inside BPD. We're still going through the client list. A lot of people will be waking up to a whole different world tomorrow morning," Rita said and her eyes darkened. "We've counted four lawyers, two judges, three prosecutors, two doctors and a university professor and the list still goes on. Looks like Lindsey and Madeleine had some dirt on just about anyone in high profile positions."

"How about Sarah?" Jane asked and looked past Rita as if she expected the young woman to walk into the ER any second now. "Where is she?"

Rita chewed the inside of her cheek and fumbled with her hands. "We're still looking for her."

"What do you mean; you're still looking for her?"

"Jane, we think she may have been in on the whole thing."

Jane's eyes widened. "You think she knew about this?!"

"I don't know how much she knew exactly but I think she knew enough to figure out what she needed to do to get away with it," Rita said quietly. "When we raided the office, Sarah wasn't there. We busted her apartment but it was empty. Nobody's seen her for a day or two. We managed to break open the safe in Madeleine's office. According to her, there should have been close to two hundred thousand dollars in there but it was gone. Security footage shows Sarah was the last to leave the building."

Jane sank back into the pillows and shook her head. "She played us all."

"From the beginning, most likely," Rita said and through her eyelids she looked at Jane. Jane appeared gutted to hear that Sarah had lied to her and Rita felt her pain. She herself had been lied to as well. Sarah hadn't fooled just one cop, she had fooled two. "There was one thing Lindsey did say when I spoke to her. Sarah's the one who sold you out, Jane. When she found out Katie and Leila got arrested, Lindsey asked Sarah how it was possible Boston PD knew about them. Sarah told Lindsey you were a cop and that you'd been sent in undercover to investigate Steve's murder. That same night the took the money from Madeleine's office and vanished."

"She's got two hundred grand," Jane sighed and rolled her eyes in disbelief. "We're never going to see her again."

Rita's phone vibrated and she unclipped it from her belt. "It's Copperfield."

"Tell him I said he can go to hell," Jane groaned when Rita disappeared through the curtain. She looked back at Maura and found the honey blonde looking back at her.

"You OK?" Maura whispered.

"I think so," Jane sighed and her dark eyes reflected her hurt. "I just can't believe Sarah betrayed me."

Maura leant in and kissed Jane on her forehead. "I'm sorry, Jane." She perched herself on the side of the bed and placed Jane's hand in her lap. She looked at their fingers linked together and smiled. "I heard what you said, you know."

"What?" Jane whispered.

Maura looked at Jane. Her hazel eyes were full of love. "I heard you say you loved me right before the gun went off."

"Oh," Jane said quietly and a dark red blush crept across her cheek. "It wasn't very romantic but I do, you know." She looked back up at Maura. "Love you, I mean."

"Why didn't you tell me before?" Maura breathed.

"I was scared and I've never ever said that, because people always think I'm strong. If they don't think I'm strong, they'll think I can't do my job," Jane said and stared down at her hand inside Maura's. "I guess I just didn't want to seem weak."

"You're not weak, Jane. You're one of the strongest people I've ever met," Maura answered softly and leant in. She brushed her lips against Jane's and smiled into the soft and tender kiss. "And I love you too."


	22. Chapter 22

**Author's note:** Well, here we are, pretty much at the end. I kind of don't want it to end so I keep adding bits and pieces to make it last. So yeah, what do you think, just a few more chapters? Shall I?

* * *

**Chapter 22**

Jane was allowed home after she signed the release papers and promised that she would take it easy for a couple of weeks. For the first few days she was expected to stay at home and allow her body to start the healing process. The doctor suggested she'd wait at least a week before going back to work but she was only allowed paperwork until the wound has fully healed and a fitness test had proven she was able to perform the way she should. Jane, used to the restrictions after shooting a bullet into herself, had placed her signature at the bottom of the paperwork. Maura had recognised the reluctance but said nothing. She knew Jane didn't cope well with being told what she could or couldn't do and the one thing Jane hated the most was doing nothing.

"You can wear this," Maura said as she handed Jane the bag she'd taken from the penthouse earlier. Jane unzipped it and inspected the content, grinning when she discovered the sweats.

"What? No expensive designer dress or heels?"

Maura arched an eyebrow. "I thought you'd prefer something more your style."

"Thanks, Maur," Jane said softly and reached around her neck to untie the gown she was wearing. Her fingers fumbled with the knot and after a couple of minutes she looked up at Maura in frustration. The honey blonde shook her head and stepped closer to the bed. She reached around Jane's neck and used her nails to pick at the knot.

"How do you always manage to turn even the simplest things into a nightmare?" she sighed when the strings finally came undone. She stepped away from Jane but the detective took both her wrists, forcing her to stay close. The fabric of the gown rested only on Jane's shoulders. One move and it would slide down her arms, exposing her bare chest. Jane's dark eyes met Maura's and they looked at each other in silence. There were times in a person's life when words didn't need to be said.

Maura's fingers ghosted across Jane's cheek. Her skin was soft and warm beneath her touch and her lips curled up into a shy smile before she slowly leaned in. She kissed Jane gently, worried she would hurt the darker haired woman if she used more force, but when Jane's tongue pressed against her lips, Maura willingly let her in. Somehow Jane's arms found their way around Maura's waist, pulling her so close to the bed that Maura felt the metal press into her legs. She nearly lost her balance and shifted some of her weight onto her other foot to make sure she didn't collapse on top of Jane.

"Frankie's bringing the car round, Jane. Are you ready to…." The curtain was unexpectedly pulled aside and Angela froze when she saw Jane and Maura, their arms wrapped around each other and Jane's gown almost sliding down across her chest. "Oh…"

Maura almost jumped away from Jane and averted her eyes. Suddenly she was unable to meet the older Rizzoli's eyes. Jane however looked straight at her mother and although her cheeks had flushed a dark shade of scarlet, amusement flickered in her eyes. "You're really going to have to learn to knock, Ma!"

"I can see that," Angela said. She composed herself and smiled when she noticed how shy Maura had become. She knew the doctor had loved Jane for a long time. She'd seen the way she looked at her during their family nights together. Gazes that lingered a little too long and eyes that flickered a little too hopeful whenever Jane's hand would find hers. It wasn't until after Maura left that Jane realised that what she wanted the most had been right in front of her. She smiled when Maura finally dared to look at her. "Well, looks like you two are doing just fine in here. I'll meet you out front."

She pulled the curtain behind her and left. Maura glanced back at Jane and laughed. "I can't believe that just happened."

Jane grinned too. "You'd better get used to it because I expect it will be happening a lot more from now on."

"You should get dressed," Maura said softly and their gazes locked. "I'll turn around."

"Maura, you've seen me naked before!"

"I know," Maura answered shyly. She knew Jane was rather shy and prudish about her body and although she had shown little to no inhibitions the other night, Maura knew not to take anything for granted."I wasn't sure if you were ready for me to see you like that again."

Jane smiled. Maura was actually trying to be a gentleman, if there was such a thing when it came to a woman. She wanted to give Jane the courtesy of covering herself up now that their relationship had changed and they were slowly making their way down this new path. She pushed a strand of dark hair out of her face and reached for Maura's hand. "We're way past that, Maur. What happened between us in the last few days isn't something we can change." Her dark eyes found Maura's. "I've seen you in a way I never thought I'd see you."

They both remembered the moment in the ladies room at the charity ball. They had kissed. Jane had undressed Maura. She touched her breasts, kissed them even. She'd done things she'd never thought she'd do. She had touched Maura in places that made her blush just thinking about it. Both of them knew they could never undo that moment and those images would be part of them forever. Jane had seen what her touch did to Maura, what it could make her do, and although she wished it had happened at a different time in their relationship, she knew that somehow it had brought them closer together.

Without warning Jane shrugged the gown down her arms and chest, revealing herself to Maura. The doctor's eyes snapped down almost immediately, lingering on Jane's breasts before trailing down across her stomach. First the healed scar, like a silver line across bronzed skin. Then the wound, with dried blood still clinging to the edges. Slowly her eyes journeyed back up and Jane followed that journey with her own. When their eyes finally found each other again she could see how Maura's had darkened. She smiled and then picked the tank top out of the bag and pulled it over her head.

She flinched as the movement put strain on her injury and she carefully eased the fabric across her abdomen. She then carefully slipped off the bed and stood on wobbly legs as she stepped into the sweatpants Maura had brought for her. Through her eyelashes she peered up at the medical examiner watching her and noticed the smile on Maura's lips. Once she was dressed Jane turned around and pointed at the ruined designer dress in the corner of the room.

"You think they want that back?"

Maura shook her head. "Copperfield might send you the bill though."

"He's lucky I don't send him a bullet," Jane groaned and started walking. It hurt and she stopped after just a couple of steps. She reached for her injury and bit her lip. She was about to try again when she felt Maura's soft fingers along her arm. The smaller woman draped Jane's arm around her neck and just smiled up in support. Jane rested some of her weight on Maura's body and allowed her to help her out of the cubicle and onto the ER floor. A nurse immediately came up to them.

"Did you sign your papers?" When Jane nodded she smiled. "Good. You can pick yp your medication at the desk over there. Call us if you have any concerns." She took the paperwork from Jane. "Good luck."

They picked up the small jar of painkillers and Maura then helped Jane through the waiting room into the fresh outside air. Jane didn't realise how badly hospitals smelt until she felt the clean air in her lungs and took a deep breath. Now that the scent of antiseptic wipes and alcohol no longer prickled her nose she finally felt a little bit more human. She looked at Maura. The doctor was looking out for her mother and brother and Jane used this unguarded moment to really watch her. Maura had been there for her. Just like she had always been there. Right here, this moment, was a reminder that although they had been apart, some things never really changed.

"Thank you for staying with me," Jane said with a tiny voice and Maura's head whipped around. She almost looked a little insulted.

"I wouldn't leave you, Jane. I did that once and it was the biggest mistake I ever made."

At that moment Frankie appeared from behind a small group of people and he walked towards them. When he reached Jane and Maura he draped Jane's other arm around his shoulder without asking and together he and Maura helped Jane to his car. Angela sat in the passenger seat and looked on in a mixture of worry and amusement as Maura and Frankie helped Jane into the backseat. Maura then walked around the car and joined Jane as Frankie got behind the wheel.

"Don't even think about saying it, Ma," Jane said sharply when she saw her mother looking at her in the rear view mirror.

"Say what?" Angela feigned innocence.

"That I need to get another job because I keep getting hurt in this one."

Angela groaned. "But why couldn't you do something else, Janie?"

"Because I like what I do, Ma, and I'm good at it." Jane looked at Maura. She smiled.

"If you were any good at it you wouldn't keep getting hurt!"

"MA!" Jane protested. "Shut up!"

"She's got a point, Janie," Frankie said as he started the engine and pulled out of the parking spot. The radio played softly but Jane didn't recognise the song. "If you were any good, you wouldn't be spending this much time in a hospital."

"I'll hear what you have to say once you actually get your badge," Jane joked. "Now shut up and drive, I wanna go home."

"Oh but you're coming back with me," Maura piped up. "You can't go back to your apartment, Jane. Someone needs to look after you."

"I can do it," Angela suggested but Jane's eyes quickly snapped back to Maura.

"Nuh-uh. Ma is not moving into my apartment. Frankie, take us to Maura's place."

The remainder of the car journey was relatively peaceful and quiet. Maura's arm lay around Jane's shoulders and as the minutes began to pass she became aware of Jane's head lolling towards her and eventually coming to a rest against her shoulder. When she turned her head to look she noticed Jane was asleep. A smile tugged at her lips as she carefully brushed a strand of hair out of Jane's eyes. Once again the peacefulness of Jane's stress free features as she slept made Maura feel warm inside. Jane Rizzoli possessed an innocence the rest of the world didn't get to see. She hid it behind a mask, a mask that only faltered when she slept.

"She's asleep?" Angela whispered when she looked over her shoulder and Maura nodded, covering her lips with her index finger. "Jane hasn't slept in a car since she was six!"

Maura simply relished in the feeling of Jane asleep on her shoulder. She shifted a little, as much as she seatbelt would allow her, so that both she and Jane could be comfortable. Seeing Jane like this reminded her of the night they had slept in the same bed. It was the night of the rain, the night they had seen each other at the art gallery. None of this had turned out the way Maura imagined it would. She had wanted to help Jane, let her know she was alone in this. But at the same time it drove them back into each other's arms, in a way they couldn't have predicted.

After another fifteen minutes Frankie parked his car on Maura's drive. It was only then that she noticed the absence of her blue Prius. She'd forgotten she had driven the vehicle and it was still parked outside the penthouse.

"Jane?" Maura whispered and gently shook Jane's shoulder. Tired eyes fluttered open and Jane seemed disorientated for a moment. Questioning dark orbs looked up at Maura and she couldn't help but smile. "Jane, honey, we're home."

"You need help getting her inside?" Frankie asked as he opened the passenger door.

Jane had sat up, now fully alert and a little embarrassed about falling asleep on Maura. She scooted towards the door and managed to get her legs out before slowly standing up. Frankie carefully wrapped an arm around her waist and Maura climbed out of the car too. She quickly joined Frankie and together they helped Jane into the house. Angela took the bag from the car and followed them in. She went straight for the kitchen and started boiling water. Maura's eyes followed the older Rizzoli. Angela still felt very much at home here.

Jane sighed in relief when she sank down into the comfortable cushions on Maura's couch and tilted her head back. She was tired. Her eyes were still full of sleep and her body was aching in places she didn't even know existed. The wound on her stomach was irritating her already and she wanted to pick at the band aid they'd put on it in the hospital. Her tired eyes followed the three people around the room and the familiarity struck her. There had been many occasions before this where they had all been together in this living room. It was as if time hadn't changed at all.

"You should take some of your painkillers and go to bed," Maura said as she sat down next to Jane and curled up her legs beneath her body. When Jane gave her a quizzical look she smiled. "You did fall asleep in the car."

"Here," Angela said. She had appeared behind the couch and handed Jane a large glass of water abd the bottle of pills.

Jane looked at her mother. "You trying to drug me?"

"I'm trying to make you better."

Jane took the glass and unscrewed the lid off the bottle. She took out two of the pills and glanced at Maura. She was watching her, scrutinizing her almost, and Jane made a spectacle of putting the pills in her mouth, taking a large gulp of water and swallowing before showing Maura her empty mouth. The medical examiner grinned as Jane rolled her eyes. The dark haired woman slowly stood up and started walking across the living room. Maura quickly followed and caught up with Jane before she reached the bedroom. She held the door for her and Jane gave her a look in passing.

"I don't think this is the time or the place to try and get into bed with me," she grinned as Maura closed the door behind them.

"Jane," Maura said warningly but chuckled anyway. "Do you want me to find you something to wear?"

"I think this will do," Jane said softly and peeled the sweats down her legs, She deftly stepped out of them and left them at the end of the bed. She shrugged herself out of the hooded top she had put on over the tank top and became aware of Maura looking at her. When their gazes locked she could see the change. The hazel eyes had darkened and her pupils dilated. Jane felt the rush of adrenaline through her body. It jolted through her like electricity and the tension in the room shifted when Maura hesitantly came closer.

"Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?" Maura whispered. They were standing so close together that she could feel Jane's warm breath against her skin. The heat radiated from their bodies. Jane felt it through the cotton of her shirt and her body responded, even though it was injured. Her fingers slipped under Maura's chin and lifted it up before leaning in to kiss her.

"I'm covered in scars," Jane whispered. "There's very little about me that's beautiful about me, Maur."

"You're wrong," Maura answered and her hands took Jane's. She turned them over, palms facing up. Her index fingers circled the scars and she shook her head. "These are the scars of a survivor, Jane. You don't ever have to pretend to be strong because you already are. You survived. That's all that matters."

"Maura…"

"Don't speak," Maura breathed and rose to the tip of her toes. Her lips met with Jane's and she sucked softly on Jane's lower lip. The dark haired detective groaned into the kiss when she felt Maura's mouth move against her own and stepped closer, erasing the last couple of inches between them. Their bodies were pressed flush together and she felt the curve of Maura's breasts against her own chest. Maura's hands let go of Jane's and they travelled down to her hips and across her stomach, lingering a little longer on the fresh wound that was hidden beneath Jane's clothes. The kiss grew in intensity and in hunger and Jane realised it was so easy, so terribly easy, to lose herself into this sensation. Her legs went weak and her knees turned to jelly. In the pit of her stomach a raging fire started and her arms snaked around Maura's waist, pulling her closer.

"Don't leave," she murmured when Maura seemed to pull away.

"This isn't the right time, Jane," Maura whispered yet she still shivered when she felt Jane's fingers creep underneath her bloodied shirt. Her skin seemed to burn where Jane touched her, just like it had done that night in the ladies room. Her breath hitched when Jane suddenly attacked the side of her neck, sucking down on the pulse point. Maura's eyes rolled back into her head.

"Jane!" Maura said softly and pushed gently against Jane's shoulders. "You need some rest."

"I can rest when I'm dead," Jane muttered and began peeling Maura's shirt away from her body. The medical examiner willingly raised her arms over her head and allowed Jane to pull the fabric away. She now stood in her blood stained pants and bra across from Jane, who wore nothing more than a pair of white laced panties and a tank top. Their eyes reflected desire.

"You should rest now," Maura said and smiled and pointed at the bed. "I promise I'll be back soon."

"You can't leave the room like that," Jane commented, her eyes lingering on Maura's breasts clad in an expensive black laced bra.

Maura walked across the room and opened one of the drawers. She pulled out a simple pair of black leggings and a baby blue off shoulder sweater. She pulled it over her head, stepped out of her pants and put the leggings on instead. She bound her hair in a ponytail and turned around to find Jane had climbed into the bed and pulled the covers up to her waist. Maura walked around the bed and planted a kiss on Jane's forehead.

"Try and get some sleep," she said as she pulled back. "I won't be long."

She walked to the door and turned around before leaving. Jane had already rolled onto her uninjured side and Maura knew she would be asleep by the time she came back. She switched off the lights and smiled as she closed the door behind her, leaning against it with her back for just a moment before walking back into the living room.

"How is she?" Angela asked as she handed Maura a steaming mug of tea.

"Asleep," Maura answered and inhaled the scent of the herbal tea. Her fingers closed around the warm mug and she felt herself relax. "She should be allright till the morning." Her eyes darted around the room. "Where's Frankie?"

"He went back to help Detectives Frost and Korsak," Angela said and started walking to the couch. Maura followed and the two women sat down together. "Cavanaugh wants everyone on board." Angela searched Maura's face. There was a hint of embarrassment in her voice when she spoke again. "I'm sorry for walking in on you and Jane earlier."

Maura smiled into her tea mug. "Angela, I know that it must be difficult…"

"Maura, I've known Jane's in love with you for quite some time. Maybe even before Jane did," Angela said. "I saw what your leaving did to her. There were days where I would have gone looking for you myself if it meant I could see her smile again." She smiled when she noticed the blush spread across Maura's cheeks. "You're like my daughter too, Maura. I've told you that before. You and Jane… There's nobody else I could see her with who's better for her than you are."

"Thank you," Maura said. "It's been a hard road and it isn't over yet but we'll get there." She looked around the room and her eyes came to a rest on the picture on the shelf. "I know we will."


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's note: **Because you all waited so patiently, here's another chapter.

* * *

**Chapter 23**

Jane woke when she felt the warm sunlight on her face. She blinked a couple of times and covered her eyes with her hands before slowly sitting up. Immediately the pain shot through her stomach and she clenched her teeth together, suppressed a groan and carefully lay back down. Her eyes darted around the room. This wasn't her house. This wasn't her bed. This wasn't even the penthouse she had lived in for the past few days.

She looked beside her and saw Maura asleep. She lay on her side, facing Jane, her hand only a couple of inches away from Jane's body. The sunlight danced across her honey blonde locks and Jane watched for a little while, mesmerized by the simplicity and beauty. Carefully she reached out a hand and brushed a small strand away from Maura's eyes. The feather light touch made the doctor's eyes flutter and Jane pulled back quickly. Maura's eyes slowly opened and Jane saw something she had never seen before. She watched Maura Isles wake up. Slowly those beautiful hazel eyes filled with light and a little smile spread across Maura's face, only adding to her beauty.

"Sorry," Jane whispered and apologetically stared down at her hands. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's ok," Maura answered. The smile on her lips never faltered. "How are you feeling?"

"Surprisingly well," Jane replied and her hand travelled down across her stomach. Her tank top had crawled up, revealing her abdomen. The band aid had stayed in place over night and she carefully touched the surrounding area. The skin was sore and her muscles protested too but she felt well rested. "That must have been some night sleep."

"You never woke up when I came to bed," Maura said. "I don't actually think you even moved."

Jane didn't answer. They just looked at each other, overwhelmed by the sudden realisation that this would be their life from this day onwards. Jane knew. She knew she never ever wanted to wake up without Maura beside her. She wanted to go to bed knowing she'd be there and wake up knowing she'd see her face. She swallowed and chewed the inside of her lip. "Thank you."

Maura arched an eyebrow. "For what?"

"Being here."

Maura's eyes lit up and she moved closer towards Jane. Normally Jane would have taken Maura in her arms, letting the doctor's head rest on her shoulder, but her body wasn't going to let her do this. So instead Maura stretched out an arm and Jane, a little awkwardly, snuggled her head against Maura's chest and sighed when she felt Maura's fingers run through her hair. She listened to the other heartbeat pounding softly against her ear. A shiver travelled down her spine when Maura kissed the top of her head.

"How did you know where my gun was?"

"What?" Maura asked in surprise. Jane's question had caught her unawares.

"The gun you shot Dan with," Jane clarified. She stared at a spot on the wall as she remembered Maura standing in the bedroom door, gun in hand. "It was mine, wasn't it?"

"Yes," Maura said softly. "It was."

"How did you know where it was?"

"The night I came to the penthouse, I saw it on the table by the door," Maura answered. "You either put it in your bedside table or you leave it in the drawer closest to the front door." Jane could feel the other woman smile against her hair. "When you used to spend the night here, you did it too. I remembered."

"What if it hadn't been by the door?" Jane asked softly. "What if it had been in the bedroom with me?"

"I don't want to think about that," Maura answered. The tremor in her voice betrayed her sudden fear and sadness and Jane looked up to see a lonely tear trickle down Maura's cheek just before the medical examiner wiped it away. Maura's breath hitched as their eyes locked and Jane could feel how her heart was suddenly beating faster. "Let's just be grateful it was by the door."

"I should have known," Jane said. Maura's slender fingers were now massaging the back of her neck. The feeling was as close to heaven as Jane imagined she could be. "I knew Dan was there. He was always there, at the parties, I mean. Lindsey never seemed to go anywhere without him. Why didn't I realise that he was probably doing a little more than just driving her car around town?"

"Nobody knew, Jane," Maura reminded her. "I don't think we would have found out until it was too late if it hadn't been for his ring." She sighed. "What I can't believe is that Sarah betrayed you and Rita. Rita even tried to help her start over but instead Sarah almost got you killed and steals money before disappearing. Do you think we'll ever see her again?"

Jane shook her head. "She's probably left the country by now. She managed to take the money hours before the raid. By the time her picture had been sent to all the airports she would have been halfway around the world." She sighed. "A part of me can't blame her. She knew Lindsey and Madeleine were responsible for the death of her friend and I have no doubt she suspected they killed Steve too. Although she wasn't selling her body anymore, Lindsey and Madeleine still took things from her. Sarah took back what was hers. Her life."

Maura seemed to think about that for a moment. "Do you want her to get caught?"

"I don't know," Jane answered in all honesty. "There are moments when I think certain people have already suffered enough in their lives." She slowly sat up. "I hope that one day we'll find out what happened to her friend. I know that she'd be happy if I could charge Lindsey and Madeleine with another murder."

"Detective Frost said the case has gone cold."

"That was before we had a list of suspects," Jane countered. "I'm sure Cold Case can find something new in those files when we tell them what we know."

There was a soft knock on the door and the two women looked up. The door opened and Angela poked her head around. When Jane met her eyes she smiled. "See? I've learnt to knock." Jane's smile matched her mother's. "I've made some coffee and croissants if you two want some breakfast. Tommy and Frankie are on their way over."

"Thanks, Ma," Jane smiled and Angela closed the door again.

"Do you want to shower?" Maura asked as she sat up and kicked the covers away from herself. Jane's eyes shamelessly followed the length of Maura's legs until they disappeared under a simple but elegant black satin night dress. Maura caught the dark haired woman looking and could feel the blush creep onto her cheeks. No one had ever looked at her with the same devotion Jane did. She slipped out of the bed and walked around it, placing her hands on her hips in expectation. Jane made no attempts to get out of the bed.

"Jane, you need to get up."

"Why?" Jane argued, a twinkle glistening in her eyes, "I want breakfast in bed."

Maura narrowed her eyes. "If you want breakfast in bed, you can sleep in the kitchen."

"Maura!" Jane gasped and reached for her heart in mock-horror, causing the medical examiner to laugh. "Was that a joke?!"

"Yes," Maura answered, still smiling. "And a good one, I believe."

"OK." Jane admitted defeat and carefully swung her legs over the side of the bed. Slowly she stood up and although she would never admit it, she was glad for Maura to be there at her side because her body ached more than she had guessed and her legs felt a little wobbly. With Maura's support she made her way across the bedroom to the en-suite. Maura switched on the shower and turned around to look at Jane. The detective was inspecting herself in the mirror, having pulled up her tank top to just below her breasts. Some dried blood could be seen on the bandage.

"You can shower with that dressing on. Take it off when you get out, make sure the wound is dry and clean and I'll put a new one on when I've had my shower." Hazel eyes found dark brown. "OK?"

"Are you going to stand here and watch me?" Jane asked, a quirky smile plastered across her face. "Because I like to pee in private."

Maura snorted and stepped out of the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Jane pulled he shirt over her head. Her shoulder muscles didn't agree and she flinched a little as she peeled her panties down her legs. She stepped out of them, leaving them on the floor, and stepped into the now warm shower. She hissed through her teeth as the warm water rained down on her but after a couple of seconds her muscles began to relax. Jane tilted her head back and rinsed the sleep from her eyes. She reached for the shampoo bottle and smelt the familiar fragrance when she opened it. It smelt of Maura.

After about fifteen minutes Jane switched off the shower and took one of the soft purple towels from the shelf. She dried herself off and wrapped it around her body before leaving the bathroom. When she walked back into the bedroom she found Maura sitting on the bed. She looked up when Jane walked in and for a moment they looked at each other.

"I can get used to this," Maura smiled as she stood up and walked over to Jane. She wiped a drop of water from the detective's bare shoulder blade and leant in, planting a kiss on Jane's cheek. The lack of clothes and close proximity of Maura made Jane's stomach do a double flip and her skin suddenly felt like it was on fire. She stood nailed to the ground as Maura walked past her, humming softly to herself, and closed the bathroom door behind her. A couple of seconds later Jane heard the shower being switched on.

Jane walked to the chest of drawers and rummaged through them. She found a pair of her old sweatpants and a baseball jersey she had left at Maura's a long time ago. Just picking them up out of the drawers and holding them in her hands was enough to tell her that although Maura had at some point left her, she had never quite let go. If she had, Jane's stuff wouldn't still be here. She even found a pair of her girlie boxers and dropped the towel so she could put them on. She then slipped into the sweatpants and with her upper body still bare Jane looked down. The band aid was wet and she peeled it away from her skin. Now that the wound was revealed she could see the damage the knife had done and picked the towel back up to pat the injury dry. The stitches had held throughout the night and now that the wound was clean it didn't seem as messy as it had done the night before.

Jane sighed. This would undoubtedly result in another scar. Battle scars. Maura had once referred to the scars on her hands that way. The silver line across her stomach left behind after the shooting was just another reminder of her will to survive. Jane pulled the jersey over her head and walked out of the bedroom. She found her mother in the living room and Angela looked up when she heard Jane walk in.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

Jane was lured to the kitchen by the smell of fresh coffee. "I feel good, Ma."

Angela stood up and walked into the kitchen to join her daughter. Jane poured herself a cup of coffee after taking a mug from the cupboard without even thinking. As she put it down her eyes met her mother's and Jane saw her smile. "What?"

"Nothing's changed," Angela grinned. "You still walk around here as if it was yesterday."

"It was only yesterday, Ma," Jane joked. When she saw her mother looking at her she sighed. "But I know what you mean."

Angela leant against the counter and looked at Jane from head to toe. Some days she had a hard time believing her eldest child had grown up into this strong, beautiful, intelligent woman. She'd never tell Jane for fear of being shouted at but she recognised a lot of herself in Jane. "I talked to Maura last night."

"Did you?" Jane tried to sound casual and added cream and sugar to her coffee. "What did she say?"

"It wasn't about what she said," Angela answered. "But about what I said."

"What? What did you do?" Jane's eyes snapped up. "What did you say to her, Ma?"

"That I have known for a long time how you feel about Maura." Angela's voice was soft and warm she could see the initial stress subside from Jane's face. They had never talked about what it was Jane felt for Maura. She had just understood and accepted that Jane loved her. Sometimes things didn't need to be explained and the natural way the relationship between Jane and Maura evolved, even after she left, told a story words couldn't even begin to describe. "I've known for a very long time, Jane. There were times, long before this, that I'd see you two together and wonder what would happen next. No one could ever make you smile the way she does, Jane."

"Sometimes it's the things that are right in front us that are hardest to see," Jane sighed. "I spent God knows how much time running after Gabriel Dean and Casey." The mention of her friend filled her with sadness. "I thought I loved him. I wanted to love him because it was easy and it was right there, you know. I'd liked him ever since High School. But we weren't the same people we were then. I told him that but I didn't realise how true this was for me as well."

"There's something you might want to know," Angela said and reached for Jane's hand. "I had a phone call a couple of days ago from Casey's ex-wife, Stephanie. She was looking for you but you were undercover so…. Frost sent her to me. She wanted to tell you that she went ahead with the treatment. She's pregnant with Casey's baby."

"That's wonderful," Jane said. Her dark eyes swam with tears and she sipped from her coffee. "Casey often talked about having kids. He really would have liked to have them. I'm sure he'd be delighted to find out that he had his wish."

"Maybe we can go see him."

Jane's head snapped around when she heard Maura's voice. The honey blonde had appeared in the kitchen dressed in a pair of black linen trousers and white blouse. Her damp hair fell down her shoulders and without a hint of make-up Jane thought she looked absolutely stunning. Maura's hazel eyes found Jane's and she smiled.

"Maybe we can go to Casey's grave," Maura said as she walked into the kitchen and wrapped both her arms around Jane's waist from behind. She was careful not to hurt her and kissed the side of her neck. Jane leant into Maura's touch. "I think I owe him that much."

"Ok," Jane said softly and looked at her mother.

Angela smiled at the sight of Maura standing behind Jane, her arms still wrapped around her waist and her head resting against Jane's back. They looked so comfortable and so at ease. For a couple of seconds nobody spoke but then Angela walked to the oven and opened it. The smell of freshly baked croissants filled the kitchen and Jane's stomach growled. Maura, who still stood behind her, laughed and the dark haired woman turned around.

"I'm hungry!" Jane defended herself.

Maura grinned. "You were born hungry, Jane."

~()~

Maura had driven them to Forest Hill Cemetery. It was a beautiful and peaceful place, perhaps one of the most beautiful cemeteries in Boston. Dating back to 1848, it was the burial site of many prominent people. The cemetery was set up as a park, with plenty of open spaces, trees and flowers. Statues and other sculptures added to the atmosphere. There were three separate chapels and the cemetery was still a favoured choice of many when it came to their final resting place. Now that it was late summer, the leaves on the trees were still green and the flowers added colour and brightness to a place that was home to those who had passed. The trees provided shade and casted shadows across rows of gravestones.

Jane and Maura walked along one of the many winding paths across the cemetery, their hands linked together. With every step Jane became more aware of the heavy beating of her heart. She hadn't been here since the funeral but somehow she managed to find her way without even thinking. Maura walked beside her, holding flowers in her hand. They'd bought them from a small flower stall across the street from the cemetery. It was as if Maura sensed Jane's hesitation because suddenly she squeezed the detective's hand.

"You ok?" she asked when Jane looked at her.

"Just nervous," Jane admitted. It had hurt to walk at first but now that they'd been outside for a while the pain had started to ease. Maybe the fresh air helped too.

"I understand."

They turned left and Jane slowed down. They had reached a part of the cemetery with recent graves. Other parts were home to the older sites, with graves dating back to the 1850's. These graves however were new and many were decorated with fresh flowers, a sign that families still came here to mourn and pay their respects. Jane's heart sank as she discovered the pale gravestone towards the back of the row and her grip on Maura's hand tightened.

"That's it," she said softly and pointed at the headstone. "That's Casey."

"Okay," Maura whispered and stepped onto the grass. They walked past a few other graves before reaching the one that carried Casey's name and Maura carefully placed the flowers against the cold marble. A small star spangled banner had been placed next to gravestone and it danced delicately in the summer breeze. More flowers had been placed around it. Some had withered but others looked fresh. When Maura stood back up and looked at Jane she noticed she was shaking. She wrapped her arms around Jane and pulled her closer until Jane's head rested on her shoulder. Her fingers threaded Jane's hair and for a couple of minutes they stood in silence.

"What are you thinking?" Maura asked softly.

"That I never got to tell him that I'm sorry," Jane answered. "Some days I think he knew. Or maybe that's just me trying to make myself feel better. Maybe he didn't know that I didn't love him the way I should have. That I love you instead. I just wish I'd gotten a chance to tell him." She wiped the sudden tears from her face. "I didn't know until he was gone. Why didn't I know when he was still here?"

"Things like that rarely make sense," Maura said. "Sometimes we don't know."

"But you knew."

"Yes, I knew. I knew I loved you because I couldn't imagine myself sharing my life with anybody else but you, Jane." Maura took a deep breath. "Don't blame yourself for not realising until after he died. Instead maybe you should think that you would have realised if he had lived. Maybe not immediately, maybe not until after ten more years had gone by…."

Jane looked at Maura, dark eyes full of tears. "Or maybe never at all."

"He cared about you, Jane. I know he did. He would have wanted you to be happy, even if it meant it was with someone else."

"He asked me if there had been somebody else while he was gone." Jane took a ragged breath. "I said yes." When Maura looked up she shook her head. "I meant Dean. But when he asked me if I loved him I said no. He never asked about you, Maura."

"Maybe because he didn't want to know the answer."

"What do you mean?"

"Your mom said she knew, Jane. She knew a long time ago. Who is to say that he didn't know it too?"

"You once said he didn't deserve me." The words lingered between them as they both remembered the moment, years ago, when Maura had spoken those words. They made so much more sense now. Jane just wished she had known before. "You think he knew?"

"I'm afraid we'll never know the answer to that question," Maura said softly and took Jane's hand into her own. "But I know he cared about you. He was your friend, Jane, and you were his. Whatever path you would have followed if he had lived would have eventually brought you to your destiny. We all find it eventually; some just take longer than others." She looked at Casey's grave and the flag dancing in the wind. "We had to be apart to realise that all we wanted was to be together. Sometimes that's what it takes."

"You really believe that?" Jane asked and Maura nodded.

"I do." Her eyes found Jane's. "Do you want to go home?"

She shook her head. "Can we stay here for a little while?"

"Sure," Maura answered and her arm wrapped around Jane's shoulders. They both looked at Casey's grave and Maura felt a stray tear trickle down her own cheek followed by the hint of a smile. "We can stay as long as you like."


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's note:** Well, this chapter will be the end to what turned out to be a wonderful experience. When I started this story I didn't know it would get the response it did. Every single one of you made this story a delight to write and throughout it all your comments always made me smile. I am currently working out some bits and pieces about a possible new Rizzoli & Isles story, as I mentioned a couple chapters back, so who knows.. I might be back soon.

Thank you all for reading, for reviewing, for favouriting this story and for following it. You guys are awesome. A story only becomes a story if people like it. Otherwise it's just a bunch of words.

* * *

**Chapter 24**

Life with Maura was good. Jane had no other way of describing it. They didn't try to deny what had happened between them but they had found a way to move on. Maura showed her pictures of her time in Africa and Jane once again promised her that one day she'd go with Maura so she could see with her own eyes what it was Maura had done. She wanted to make a difference too. Maura suggested they could go the following year, in the summer. Jane saw the excitement in her eyes and the warm happiness in her heart just overwhelmed her. All she wanted was to make Maura happy.

Her injuries healed well, thanks to Maura's good care. Having a doctor nearby, very nearby in fact, meant that she didn't have to go back to hospital at all. Maura changed the dressings and kept a close eye on the wound, which had started to heal leaving some red scarring.

Jane lay on Maura's couch, her head in the medical examiner's lap. They were watching the end of some French movie Maura had insisted they'd watch. The half empty bowl of popcorn stood on the table, next to Jane's beer bottle and Maura's wineglass. Candle light illuminated their faces and from where she lay Jane could look up at Maura without the other woman really noticing. Every so often her eyes were drawn back to Maura's face and she was left almost breathless by Maura's beauty, accented only by the golden glow from the candles.

It had been just over a week since everything came to an end. Korsak and Frost had wrapped up the murder case of Steve McGregor and Lindsey and Madeleine had been charged with his murder. To Jane's delight the two women were also charged with Jorja Sanchez's murder. She hoped that, wherever she was, Sarah was happy. Both the FBI and Interpol were looking for her but Jane suspected they were never going to find her. Both Steve and Jorja's family had finally been given the answers they so desperately wanted. The cases were about to go to trial and the whole thing had caused quite a stir when the news broke that several lawyers, judges and police officers were suspected of corruption.

Jane felt a warm shiver creep down her spine when Maura's fingers caressed the back of her neck. Dark eyed turned up and she found Maura looking down at her, a smile tugging at her lips. The credits rolled across the screen and Maura chuckled. "You hated every minute of that."

"No, I didn't," Jane countered and pointed at the screen. "I like this part."

"Next time we'll just watch Hellraiser," Maura answered. "Even though it is a horrible movie and…"

Jane sat up. "Don't knock it till you've tried it!"

Maura cocked her head and gave Jane a quizzical look. "Try what exactly, detective?"

Jane blinked a couple of times as Maura scooted across the couch until her body was almost pressed flush against that of the detective. Sweet, soft lips found Jane's and Jane's arms effortlessly slipped around Maura's back. She pulled her closer and Maura nearly lost her balance. Somehow she managed to climb on top of Jane, planting her knees securely into the cushions of the couch. Her hands ran through Jane's dark curls as she sucked on the other woman's lower lip. The groan she received in result only spurred her own and Maura's hands deftly slid across Jane's chest, lingering for a moment on the swell of her breasts, before reaching the hem and pulling the fabric over the detective's head.

"Tell me if this isn't what you want," Maura breathed huskily in Jane's ear. Her hot breath left Jane shivering and she was lost for words. She just nodded, her hands fumbling with the zipper of Maura's dress. Slowly she pulled it down and her fingertips grazed across smooth, warm skin. When they encountered the clasp of Maura's bra Jane didn't hesitate. She unhooked it. All this time their eyes were locked in an intense, dark stare and now Maura brought their lips back together. She shrugged the expensive dress down her shoulders and her bra followed, leaving her chest bare. She kissed the side of Jane's neck, down to her collarbone and hooked her fingers behind the simple black bra Jane was wearing. The clasp was at the front and she arched an eyebrow.

"It was the only one I could find," Jane grinned. Her fingers danced across Maura's arms and her eyes were drawn to Maura's breasts. Dark pink nipples stood proudly and she licked her lips as she carefully circled one with her index finger. Maura's sharp intake of breath told her that the touch was exactly right.

Maura removed Jane's bra, freeing her breasts, and before Jane could move Maura kissed both of them, her tongue circling over quickly hardening nipples. Jane threw her head back as the sensation shot through her body. Somewhere between her thighs a raging fire had started and she could feel her own arousal even through her pants. Her fingers threaded Maura's golden locks as the doctor nipped teasingly at her nipple.

"We…. should…." Jane struggled to speak. "….bedroom…."

Maura climbed off Jane and took the detective's hand. As she stood up the now unzipped dress slid down her legs and both women allowed themselves moment to realise that Maura was naked apart from the white laced panties she wore. Jane's eyes trailed shamelessly over Maura's body. The candle light made her look a thousand times more beautiful and when her gaze dropped to the triangle between Maura's legs she could see the beginnings of a damp spot on her underwear. She chewed her lip as Maura's fingers laced through her own and she followed the doctor to the bedroom after blowing out the candles.

When she closed the door behind them Jane turned around with the intention of kissing Maura but the smaller woman pushed her onto the bed. Jane landed on her back on the soft mattress and watched in amazement as Maura crawled over to her. The only light in the room came from the bedside lamp and she could see Maura's eyes had darkened with lust. Everything about her naked form was enticing and Jane's heart pounded in her chest when Maura used her knees to gently force her legs apart. Slender fingers unzipped Jane's slacks and Jane lifted her hips off the bed so Maura could slide them down. They landed somewhere on the other side of the room.

Maura lay herself of Jane, her lower body now pressing against the dark haired woman's core. The sensation of skin against skin, warm flesh melting together, was electrifying and they lost themselves in a passionate kiss. Hands wandered, touched and explored, and Jane's nails scraped across Maura's back like they had done once before. The hungry response that came in return only turned Jane on more and when the need for oxygen drove them apart she looked up into Maura's eyes.

"This is the way I wanted to do it," she breathed. "This is how I imagined being with you."

Maura just smiled. She didn't answer. Her tongue just followed the line across Jane's neck down towards her chest before warm lips closed around a perk nipple. Nimble fingers ghosted across Jane's taut abdomen, careful not to press down on the still healing wound on her side. When Maura's fingers encountered the cotton girlie boxers Jane wore she paused and her hazel eyes found Jane's. She silently asked Jane if she wanted to cross this line. She needed to know, once and for all, if this was really what they wanted to become. When Jane just nodded, no words needing to explain the desire and love flickering in her eyes, Maura cupped Jane's sex through her underwear and watched how Jane's body arched off the bed.

"Oh God," the raven haired woman uttered when she felt Maura's hand pressed against her centre and her breath hitched as Maura's fingers hooked behind her panties and slowly peeled them down. Whatever hesitation she had ever felt about her body seemed to have disappeared. Gone were the insecurities and the worries. There was only Maura and the feather light touched along the inside of her thighs.

Maura gently pushed Jane's legs further apart and inhaled the scent of arousal. She felt her own excitement between her legs and let her fingers ghost across the sensitive skin of Jane's thighs. Jane's body shuddered and trembled as she touched her and Maura smiled to herself. She let her index finger slide through Jane's slick folds and held her breath when she slid inside. Jane's body seemed to freeze for a split second until Maura added a second digit. The outcry of delight that followed was music to Maura's ears.

"Maura?" Jane's voice was raspy. It was perhaps the sexiest thing Maura had ever heard and she looked up. Dark eyes looked down at her. "Kiss me."

With two fingers still inside Jane, Maura moved up along Jane's body until their lips met in a searing kiss. Jane's hips rolled across Maura's hand and the medical examiner slowly found her pace, thrusting into Jane. She heard, and felt, Jane moan into her mouth as she kept up her thrusts. She managed to lay herself down between Jane's legs, her hand still in place, and relied on Jane's body to tell her what to do next.

"Maura…"

Jane's head hit the pillow, exposing the pulsating vein on the side of her neck and Maura attacked it with skilled lips, leaving behind a large purple bruise. Jane's legs wrapped around Maura's back as Maura continued to pump in and out of her. Maura's rhythm became quicker with every passing minute and she felt Jane's walls beginning to tighten around her fingers. A sheen of sweat covered Jane's body and Maura could taste the salt on her lips.

Realising that Jane wasn't far from reaching her climax, Maura kissed herself a way down Jane's body until she reached the core. The detective willingly parted her legs further as Maura lay herself down between them. The tip of her tongue found Jane's swollen clit and a waterfall of expletives rolled off the detective's tongue. Maura circled the little nub, sucking down softly when Jane's fingers suddenly found their way into her hair and held her in place.

"Oh… God… Maura…." Jane's voice was almost gone. She panted; her fingers switching between Maura's hair and grabbing helplessly at the sheets on the bed. Her toes curled and her lower body began to arch off the bed as Maura's tongue flicked over her clit a final time, pushing her over the edge into oblivion.

Maura didn't stop until the palm of Jane's head pushed against her forehead. She carefully pulled out her fingers before sliding her way up along the detective's slightly trembling body. She placed butterfly kissed on Jane's shoulder before nuzzling her head into dark curls. Jane managed to turn her head and Maura noticed Jane's eyes were full of tears.

"That was…" Her voice was raw. "Amazing."

Maura just smiled. She drew small circles on Jane's stomach and began pulling the tangled sheets over their bodies but Jane's hand caught her wrist and stilled the motion. Before Maura had a chance to respond, Jane's lips had claimed hers and the medical examiner willingly responded. She lay on her side and Jane mirrored her position. Jane's tongue danced around Maura's and played a game of hide and seek. Every time Maura tried to reciprocate, Jane pulled away. She knew it left the smaller woman frustrated and surely enough, Maura groaned in protest when Jane pulled her lips away.

"I want to do right by you this time," Jane whispered softly into Maura's hair. The lingering scent of perfume prickled her nose and Maura's arms slid around Jane's neck, pulling her closer. Jane kissed Maura's shoulder, her teeth grazing across glowing skin. "This time it's going be right."

She cupped Maura's breast with her right hand, squeezing gently. Maura's nipples hardened instantly against the palm of her hand and Jane's eyes never left Maura's. She wanted to see her, all of her, at all times. Slender fingers travelled across Maura's stomach until they found the white lace of her underwear. Jane hooked her fingers behind it and peeled it down Maura's legs. Maura helped her by lifting herself off the bed and eventually kicking the lace away. When she lay back down, Jane's hand followed the curve of her body from her shoulders down to her waist and towards her hip. There her hand came to a rest and she leaned in for another kiss. Maura met her tongue with eagerness and Jane smiled. Her hand slipped from Maura's hip down to the curls between her legs and gently draped the doctor's legs across her own body before letting her fingers slide through the wetness.

Maura bit down on Jane's shoulder when she felt the detective enter her and sighed in delight as Jane slowly started pumping in and out. Jane kissed Maura's neck, her shoulders and her chest before returning to her mouth, swallowing up every delightful moan. Maura was soft and warm around her fingers and she looked deeply and intently into Maura's eyes.

"Jane," Maura whispered as Jane's fingers curled inside her. "Oh God…"

Jane's thumb rubbed against Maura's clit and she looked on in delight as Maura's body began to shudder. She used her free arm to pull Maura closer to her and kissed the other woman's neck, her tongue tracing over the spot where she could feel her racing heartbeat. When she felt Maura's sharp nails dig into her back she knew the moment was near. She sped her thrusts and Maura cried out ibto Jane's dark curls, clinging on to the detective's body as if it was her only lifeline.

"Don't.. stop…" Maura managed to utter as her hazel eyes snapped wide open and she stared at Jane. What Jane saw in those orbs was the most mesmerizing thing in the world. Maura's mouth opened a little just as her walls clenched tightly around Jane's fingers. Jane's thumb pressed down against Maura's hard bundle of nerves and pushed her over the edge. She watched how those hazel eyes seemed to change colour, almost to a pale shade of green, as Maura hit her orgasm and grabbed a firm hold of Jane. The whole world seemed to live inside those eyes and Jane watched. She watched every second, every blissful moment, flash through Maura's eyes.

When Maura had stopped shaking Jane slowly removed her fingers and pulled the doctor closer to her. She clumsily managed to wrap the bed sheets around them as Maura rested her head against Jane's chest. She listened to the now calm beating of her heart and smiled.

"You did right by me, Jane, but then again you always have done," she whispered lazily. "You never did anything wrong."

Jane kissed Maura's forehead. "I love you, Maura."

"I love you too, Jane."

~()~

The next morning Jane stood in Maura's kitchen. The smell of coffee had filled the house and she sipped from her mug. A few steps away from her Bass was eating his morning plate of salad and Jo Friday had just finished her bowl of dog food. Jane only wore a baseball jersey and her hair fell down her shoulders in an unruly mess. Her eyes lit up when she noticed Maura walk into the kitchen, dressed in a pair of Jane's sweatpants and a tank top. The detective arched an eyebrow.

"Why are you wearing my clothes?"

Maura's face lit up. "I never realised how comfortable they are!"

"Well, they are," Jane agreed and her eyes lingered on Maura. A teasing smirk spread across her face as the honey blonde doctor walked over to her. Jane wrapped her arms around Maura's waist from behind and kissed her just below her ear. "And they somehow look sexy on you."

"I'll remember that," Maura commented as she poured herself a cup of coffee and leant against the counter.

For a couple of moments she and Jane stood in complete silence, looking at each other. Last night had been their final confirmation. This was what they wanted; this was what they had become. They were no longer just friends. They were friends and lovers. Whatever had happened between them, as scarred as it had left them, it had also made them stronger. Broken people were those who had learnt their lessons and still carried on, taking what they had learnt along with them. Scars were reminders of where they had been but they weren't a direction about where they were going from now on.

"I'm supposed to be giving my statement today," Jane said and her eyes darted towards the kitchen clock. "Cavanaugh wants to see me at eleven."

"Want me to come with you?" Maura asked.

"You mean you don't already have a body waiting for you in the morgue?"

The corners of Maura's mouth twitched. "Doctor Pike is taking care of that for now."

"You let that moron back into your morgue?!"

"It isn't like I had much of a choice," Maura countered. She put her mug down. "I need to pick up a couple of files anyway. Would you like me to drive you to the station?"

"Yeah." Jane smiled over the rim of her mug. "Yeah, I'd like that."

They finished their coffees and they both took showers. Separately, although Jane did suggest it would save water if they showered together. They got dressed and Jane made Maura promise her to take her to the donut shop before driving to BPD. Maura reluctantly agreed and they were still laughing when they walked out of the house and Maura locked the front door behind her. Jane, who already stood by the car, turned around to watch Maura walk over to her and realised that this was what she had to look forward to for the rest of her life; driving into work with Maura every single day. They'd laugh in the morning as they drank their coffee and bicker over who would be driving that day. She smiled as the image formed in her head and got into the car, immediately reaching for the button on the radio that changed the station.

"Jane," Maura said in that knowing way and the dark haired woman looked up, feigning innocence.

"What?"

"Don't mess with the radio."

"You're driving! I think I deserve at least one thing I can enjoy."

Maura just rolled her eyes and buckled up. She started the engine and reversed the car of the drive. It wasn't until they reached the end of the street that Jane found a radio station she actually liked abd she leant back into the passenger seat, her eyes lingering on Maura. She folded her hands behind her head and studied Maura's face. For all the things she had once done wrong in her life, she must have done at least something right to deserve Maura. She didn't know what it was she had done but she vowed to herself that she was never ever going to let any of this slip away. This was what she wanted, what she wished she still had when it had all slipped away. Not everything came back in life but when it did, it had to be for a reason. And Jane knew that this time Maura came back because it had been meant to be.

Her hand reached for Maura's as it rested on the gear stick. Maura looked up aand smiled when she felt Jane's fingers brush against her own.

"What are you doing?"

"Just reminding myself in what way you and I work best," Jane smiled as she laced her fingers with Maura's.

They had done this countless of times throughout the years. A touch that silently spoke of friendship, of comfort and of support. She'd held Maura's hand when she needed her the most and Maura had sat at her bedside, hoping that Jane wouldn't be taken away from her. They knew what it meant to hold a hand and truly hold it, as if it was a human heart. They had held each other's hearts in their hands and although both hearts had been dropped and broken, they hadn't been beyond repair.

They'd been apart for a year before they found each other again. 365 days that changed their lives in ways they hadn't even quite discovered yet. But now the days ahead of them mattered more than the ones behind them. They hadn't burnt their bridges, they had simply built one strong enough to reach over the troubled waters between them. They were their own strength but they could only be strong in one way.

Maura's eyes found Jane's. "And what way's that, Jane?"

Jane smiled. She couldn't do anything else but smile. There was only one answer to that question.

"Together."

* * *

**Fin.**


End file.
